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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22986733">The Nature of Blood</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/karadeniz/pseuds/karadeniz'>karadeniz</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Witcher (TV), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe, F/M, Marriage of Convenience, Slow Burn, Strangers to Friends to Lovers</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 06:49:13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>55,465</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22986733</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/karadeniz/pseuds/karadeniz</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The world is wide and some things are beyond our control — like fate, the nature of our blood, who we fall in love with.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Calanthe Fiona Riannon/Eist Tuirseach</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>219</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>151</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Prologue</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>There was a storm coming. She could feel it in the air, through the tingling on her skin. Dark clouds were gathering on the distant horizon, only visible from the high point the woman was standing on in this very moment, looking at the city below and her kingdom ahead. Would they bring rain and relief from the summer drought, or did the grim shades carry something else, something — A soft <em>tap tap</em> shook the queen from her thoughts, and she realised she'd much rather face whatever the storm would bring than the woman who had just entered the room, her steps falling lightly as she made her way to the balcony.</p><p>The unexpected visitor came to a halt beside her, elegant hands resting on the railing, unadorned apart from the few marks of age.</p><p>For a while they said nothing, her own eyes glued to the far-off horizon, pretending a little bit longer not to notice the stranger.  </p><p>"My dear," the second woman finally spoke up. "You look well — I'm glad to see that. It has been years."</p><p>She had a gentle voice, almost melodic. It was the kind of voice which invoked immediate trust in those who listened to it. The person being addressed, however, was different.  </p><p>"And whose fault is that?"</p><p>Her reply was sharp and direct, like a well-aimed stroke with an unsheathed blade. Words and swords — the younger woman had mastered both, and she wielded them with finesse. Masked words were for manipulations and favors, and she had no favor to ask from her visitor.</p><p>The other woman sighed.</p><p>"I know I should have returned sooner, Calanthe. But I am here now, to offer you my help."</p><p>"I don't need it."</p><p>This time she turned to meet the woman's eyes — green, different from her own, but so very much like her daughter's.</p><p>"No," the woman said quietly. "I know you don't, you never have."</p><p>Calanthe huffed, before turning her eyes down to the gardens. Her mother followed her gaze, landing on the young girl sitting on a bench, deeply lost in the book in her lap.</p><p>"She has grown so much since I last saw her. What a sweet little thing, and so quiet."</p><p>"So quiet that sometimes I wonder if I gave birth to a doll. Even as a toddler, I could put her down anywhere and she'd remain there, perfectly happy and waiting to be picked up again."</p><p>Her mother let out a ripple of laughter, and it was soft, like the gentle sound coming from the water of the marble fountain in their gardens.</p><p>"You wouldn't sit still if your life had depended on it," she said. "You were the most unruly child these lands have ever seen, I am sure. It is only right that the next of Riannon's daughters would turn out to be the exact opposite of that. I don't think this kingdom could have weathered two of your temper."</p><p>"Funny," Calanthe said under her breath before fixing her mother again under a keen stare. "I know you didn't come here for a family visit, so why <em>are</em> you here?"</p><p>Adalia took her time to reply, tracing a small crack in the stone of the railing with the tip of a delicate finger.</p><p>"It has been thirteen months since your husband, may his soul rest in peace, has passed away. You are still a woman in your prime, Calanthe. And your daughter is not a woman yet at all, it'll be years before she'll be considerable for marriage. Will you not remarry?"</p><p>"No, absolutely not."</p><p>"You're in an unstable position, Calanthe. A woman cannot rule Cintran land by herself without drawing unwanted attention. It'd be wise to get married again and be done with it, before —"</p><p>"I will manage just fine on my own, don't you worry."</p><p>"Oh, why won't you be sensible?"</p><p>How often had she heard those words, Calanthe thought. Said in the same exasperated tone with which her mother was speaking to her now.</p><p>"As queen, you should do what is best for your kingdom."</p><p>"<strong>I am </strong>what is best for my kingdom! My kingdom, the one that I have been ruling since I was 14 years old. Whose lands and laws I know better than anyone, the one that I have shed blood and let blood be shed on to protect it. And I am tired of being told what to do by everyone around me who deem themselves more fit to rule."</p><p>Her voice had gotten louder with each word, and they must have carried down into the gardens, because the young girl looked up at them. When she spotted sight of her grandmother, her lips pulled into a smile, and she quickly arose from the bench. Calanthe and Adalia watched her make her way inside, no doubt coming up to meet them.</p><p>"Listen to me," her mother said, her tone lower but with an urgency that had not been there before. "There is an evil coming to Cintra. And it'll take everything from you, if you're not prepared, with strong allies who'd fight for you."</p><p>Calanthe stared at her mother. The expression on Adalia's face was grave, but Calanthe was not one to be easily frightened.</p><p>"I can fight for myself. And you know all of that how, exactly?"</p><p>One look at the old woman's face answered her question.</p><p>"Oh, I see," she breathed out, raising her eyes to the sky to collect herself for a moment. "Unbelievable. You cannot expect me to give up my autonomy for a hunch<em>.</em>"</p><p>"If you do not wish for a marriage alliance, there is always Aretuza."</p><p>The expression on Calanthe's face turned hard.</p><p>"No."</p><p>"The rectoress is a dear friend of mine, and she is more than willing to —"</p><p>"I want no mage in Cintra."</p><p>"This is no time for pride, girl," her mother shot back, equally adamant. "Your self-determination is not worth dying for. Whatever claw is reaching out for Cintra, it will end in ruin and doom, if you don't accept help."</p><p>Then, she added, much quieter this time, "You don't have to do this alone."</p><p>Calanthe looked at her mother for a long time, age and experience having carved a depth into her wise eyes that were now resting on her, imploring her, and Calanthe felt herself cave.</p><p>"Fine. I'll think on it. The marriage," she clarified, "not the mage."</p><p>"Thank you," Adalia said. "You're making the right choice."</p><p>Calanthe blew out a disbelieving breath of air through her nose in response. It felt neither right, nor like a choice. But even Calanthe, stubborn, strong-willed, and proud as she was, knew what it meant when Queen Adalia, The Seer, took on a long journey to deliver a warning. Only a fool would dismiss it as nought. Calanthe was no fool; she wasn't a coward, either. And if her kingdom could be saved, she would leap into the breach. <em>Doesn't mean I have to stay there,</em> she thought, but kept it to herself.</p><p>A knock interrupted her thoughts, and Pavetta entered, face flushed pink from the many stairs she had climbed, and her excitement.</p><p>Before Adalia attended to the girl, she looked back at Calanthe one final time.</p><p>"I know I was not around when you needed me, Calanthe." Her mother's tone was very soft. "But I always kept an eye on you. Always."</p><p>And with that she went to welcome her only grandchild with an embrace. Calanthe watched them for a moment, before turning her eyes back to the darkening horizon.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>friends, are we all still here?!<br/>if so, then have a little teaser, as a treat. ♡</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Eist disliked Cintra the moment he stepped through the high arch of the gate.</p><p>Wherever he looked he saw bricks, cobble, stone. The people, too, appeared hardened, with serious and stoic faces as they watched the Skelligens make their way towards the royal castle. The thought of spending a life here within these walls seemed unimaginable.</p><p>Eist cursed his brother for talking him into this.</p><p>
  <em>"I received a letter, from Cintra."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The two brothers were sitting in the grand hall of Skellige over a game of Tafl and beer when the older one of them had spoken up. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Is it an invitation or a complaint?" the younger brother asked, moving his defender two tiles to the left.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Neither," the king replied. "It's a proposal, for a wedding arrangement. For you."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It took Eist a moment to let the words sink in, but once they did, he began to laugh, and only stopped when he realised his brother was not laughing along. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"You can't be serious," he said, staring at his brother incredulously. "Marry who?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"The Queen Calanthe."  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>At that, Eist let out another laugh, but this time, it was without any real humor. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I'm not interested," he said. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I think you might be."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Doubtful."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"She's not like many women. They call her the Lioness," Bran said, "because she is fierce and brave. Sounds like a woman to match the Skelligen temper —"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Why don't you marry her, then."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I'm already married, Eist."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Maybe she won't mind."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I think she would," his brother countered. Eist leaned back into his chair, arms crossed over his chest and his eyes fixed on his brother, who continued, "They say she's very pretty."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Eist snorted.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"There's plenty of beautiful women in the world. And most of them don't come with a string of troubles attached to them."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Bran pushed an attacker piece further into Eist's half of the board, before raising his eyes to him. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Attached to that particular queen is also a wealthy kingdom, productive farming land, a powerful army and the key to much better trading deals.</em>
  <em>"</em>
</p><p>
  <em> Eist shook his head, not as a negation, but out of reluctance. He wasn't meant to be a husband, and the king of a foreign land even less so. And the things people told about the Queen of Cintra...</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I'm asking you as your brother." Bran's expression was serious. "Don't make me do it as your king."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Eist let out a measured breath. He valued his freedom, but there was no price for loyalty.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Fine," he gave in. "But I'm taking the druid."</em>
</p><p>She was beautiful, and she was trouble. Those were the first two things shooting through Eist's mind when they entered the throne room and his eyes fell on the queen. There was no question that it was her, no other woman in Cintra could have filled the great hall with such a presence. Her dress was of brown velvet, dark and rich, and it was embellished with golden string. On her head she wore a golden circlet, adorned with oval citrines; she truly looked like a lion, splendid and in all its glory. As he was lingering in the doorway, the sun fell through the hall's high windows and the brown and golden colors came to life. This was the moment the queen spotted them, too, her eyes landing on him and narrowing in a way that he felt the druid next to him instinctively brace himself as they watched her coming towards them in a self-assured stride.</p><p>"Sir Eist of Skellige, I'm glad to see you've found your way to my kingdom."</p><p>Her voice was drawling with confidence, but that was not what got his attention — it was her choice of words, her emphasis on the last two of them. And he realised that she watched him. Not just looked, watched. Something observant was in her eyes, as if she was reading his every reaction. They, too, were brown, he noticed, and they could have been warm, but there was no softness in them.</p><p>"We have," he replied, keeping his own tone calm, "and I thank the great queen of this great kingdom to receive us with such hospitality."</p><p>She smiled, and it was as friendly as a shark's.</p><p>"So you're finding the first impression to your liking?"</p><p>Eist weighed her question. She was reading him, but he could learn to read her, too.</p><p>"I'm finding it to be... proud and indomitable."</p><p>His skin prickled under her gaze, and it was a sensation he had not felt before.</p><p>"The kingdom, or its queen?"</p><p>"Yes."</p><p>The corners of her mouth twitched.</p><p>"We're being direct — good. Then let us get straight to it, so there will be no confusion to how this will go. Firstly, despite the new rank as king you'll acquire, I have been ruling these lands longer and I will not take lightly to being undermined or anyone going behind my back, so any decision-making concerning the politics of these lands will have to be run by me. Secondly, my daughter will remain the only heir to this throne. So if there have been any contrary expectations on your side, you'd do well to relinquish them. Since there will be no need for reproduction, I would prefer if we kept our private lives separate. Any needs you may satisfy elsewhere, I only ask that you would do so discreetly. Are those terms agreeable to you?"</p><p>He had half a mind to disagree, just for the sake of it. But the truth was, there was nothing she said that he cared about, and he would hold off the moment of conflict for things that mattered.  </p><p>"They seem perfectly fine to me."</p><p>He saw the queen's brow furrow for the briefest moment, giving away her surprise at his affirmative response, perhaps having expected him to put up more of a fight, but she quickly masked it behind her unaffected confidence again.</p><p>"Well then, let's get this over with," she said before turning on her heels and striding back, both him and Mousesack watching silently. Then the druid turned his head to him.</p><p>"It's not too late to run, my lord."</p><p>Eist chuckled grimly.</p><p>"No, my friend. We've sailed into the high seas now, and the only way out is through."</p>
<hr/><p>The wedding ceremony was a small affair, and it was befitting for the nature of their marriage, which was an arrangement to its very core. Even the music felt mechanical, the whistles from the flute too shrill and the twanging from the lute too sharp. The queen's dress was a dark red, and the lacing and embellishments on it reminded him of an armor's breastplate. It was an open declaration, delivered with such effortlessness and grace that he would have been impressed if the main recipient of her message hadn't been him.</p><p>They spoke their vows in the presence of the queen's local court and a few of his countrymen. When the ceremony was over, they returned to their own respective chambers without saying another word.</p><p>As soon as he'd entered his bedchamber, Eist walked over to the window and opened it. A fresh breeze came in, bringing, only too faintly, the taste of salt from a distant sea, and he took it in with deep breaths. He looked over the city, a city he was now king of, and already dreamt of leaving again. His thoughts wandered to the ocean, over the waters, and back to the Isles, where his people were, his family, his own bed.</p><p>A forceful knock pulled him back to the window he was standing at. Eist was surprised to open the door and find the queen on the other side of it. She didn't wait for him to ask her in — instead she pushed right past him and only stopped when she'd reached the middle of the room, before turning back to him.</p><p>"Should I... close the door?" he asked, with a hint of amusement, since she had barged in without explanation and was now saying no word, as if it was the most natural thing to do. Maybe for her it was.</p><p>"Yes, of course," she replied impatiently, not sharing his humor but reinforcing his suspicion.</p><p>The door fell shut and they were alone, two married people who didn't know the last thing about each other.</p><p>Calanthe poured two goblets of wine and placed one of them on the table. The other she kept in her hand as she took a seat and gestured for him to do the same.</p><p>"First business, then pleasure?" he asked. "I thought we were skipping the pleasure part?"</p><p>"This is still business," she cut him off. "Newlyweds are supposed to consummate their marriage, and we must keep up appearances, for decorum's sake. So we will drink some more and then I'll leave in the quarter of an hour."</p><p>"The quarter of an hour?" Eist felt the corners of his mouth twitch. "I believe I must apologise in advance for my poor hypothetical performance."</p><p>The queen shot him a dark look that was clearly meant to tell him she did not think him funny, but he saw some tension leave her shoulders and she leaned back into her chair. There was still an edge in her eyes, but her voice wasn't as sharp as before.</p><p>"Neither of us has wished for this arrangement. But that does not mean we cannot be civil, and try to make the most of it. I have set my terms, and I intend to return the courtesy. Name them, and I'll see if I find them reasonable."</p><p>Eist was surprised. From the moment of their first encounter she had met him with teeth bared and ready to pounce. Now, she seemed to be open for a truce, amenable to a compromise. Was there a chance — ? He set the wine down, and his eyes drifted back to the window.</p><p>"I have very little interest in court business," he confessed quietly, "and I'm thinking of myself neither as a king nor a politician. I am a jarl first, and my place is on a ship at sea." He turned his head to her and met her waiting gaze, "I'd happily leave rulership over Cintra to the queen, in exchange for the freedom to travel."</p><p>Queen Calanthe seemed to mull it over, but he knew what he offered her was to kill two birds with one stone, combining her wish to be rid of him with his wish to leave Cintra. He waited patiently, however, giving her the time to consider her options. Finally, she nodded.</p><p>"I see no problem with that. In fact, I believe distance can only benefit this marriage. Besides, our arrangement runs on borrowed time as it is, so we won't need to make an effort to get accustomed to each other."</p><p>"How do you mean?" he asked, bewildered.</p><p>"Well, since it is only necessary for this to last five years, until my Pavetta is old enough to be married. I will find a powerful and suitable match for her then, so that Cintra may thrive and prosper long after I am gone. And you, Sir Eist, can return to your islands and become king, as you so wish. Our newly negotiated trading agreement will continue, as I have discussed with your brother, so it'll have been a fruitful union for your homeland regardless. There's no downside to it."</p><p>Eist listened to her speech, and he could not decide which part to unpack first — the fact that his brother had not told him about the specifics of this arrangement, or that his first (and probably only) marriage was destined to be a political farce. In the end, he focused on the only thing that mattered:</p><p><em>Five years</em>, he thought. He could bear five years.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>THANK YOU FOR READING 🌹 i love all of you, but you already knew that</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>After the wedding, Eist had to remain in Cintra temporarily to be introduced in his new position as king to Cintra's noblemen and allies. He managed ten days before he began to feel itchy and the sea began to call so loudly, he knew it was time.</p><p>Before he left, he needed to find a suitable person who would remain in Cintra to represent Skelligen interests. Eist thought he'd have to convince the druid to stay in his stead, and was rather surprised when Mousesack agreed almost immediately. <em>'It is nice to see the actual sun for a change'</em>, the druid told him with a smirk when Eist asked him if he'd consider his proposition, and Eist couldn't have argued with that.</p><p>The queen on the other hand hadn't been happy about this arrangement at all, for reasons he did not understand, and she did not care to elaborate.</p><p>"It wouldn't be right not to have a Skelligen ambassador in Cintra," he told the queen after finding her on the terrace outside the falcons' mews. A particularly striking specimen was eyeing him with a piercing look as it was resting on Calanthe's outstretched hand.  </p><p>"I'm not saying you cannot have an ambassador," she told him in an overly light tone, "I just don't want it to be the druid."</p><p>"Why?" he asked, frowning.</p><p>"I usually don't employ <em>herbalists</em> in my political court."</p><p>"Good thing then that he's <em>also</em> been an advisor and a friend to the Skelligen king for years, which makes him thoroughly equipped."</p><p>The look Calanthe gave him was a perfect imitation of the bird's she was holding.</p><p>"My answer is no."</p><p>Eist brows furrowed even deeper, the wheels in his head turning in an attempt to make sense of her decision.</p><p>"Why?"</p><p>She held his gaze for a moment longer, before turning to the young girl who had sat quietly on the low wall bordering the terrace, following their exchange with interest.</p><p>"Pavetta, dear, come hold Alarich for me."</p><p>The princess' eyes widened, and she shook her head vehemently, peering at the giant bird.</p><p>"I don't want to."</p><p>"Pavetta..."</p><p>"I really don't want to, mother," she repeated, and it sounded more like a plea.</p><p>Calanthe began to frown, and Eist could see the disappointment on her face. He'd heard that the young princess was said to be a gentle spirit, a girl who adored books and tales and music — the little Rose of Cintra, not the lion cub some might have expected her to be.</p><p>"If you don't face your fears," the queen said, "you'll never become strong."</p><p>The girl bit her lip and lowered her gaze to the ground. Eist half-anticipated Calanthe to push the girl, but, to his surprise, she let it go. At a simple gesture of her hand a falconer appeared by her side and took the animal from her. Then she turned to him.</p><p>"Why does it have to be the druid?"</p><p>"Because I trust him with my life," he replied without hesitating.</p><p>The queen was silent for a moment. Then —</p><p>"True trust," she began slowly, "is a rare thing to find. Very well, I'll allow him his shot."</p><p>"Thank you," Eist said, and he meant it.</p><p>Calanthe nodded, before giving him a shifty smile. "If you were to mysteriously vanish at sea, however, I'll personally feed him to the dogs."</p><p>Eist felt the corners of his mouth twitch. "Sounds like a fair deal," he concurred. "I'll try not to sail my ship into any rocks or get swallowed by a kraken."</p><p>"What's a kraken?" Pavetta piped up from her spot on the wall.</p><p>"A man-eating sea monster," her mother replied without turning her gaze away from him, "which would be truly an unfortunate thing to run into for our beloved king, so soon after his coronation."</p><p>The queen's eyes twinkled with devilish amusement at her jibe, and it didn't irk him as much as it should have. On the contrary, he suddenly felt almost reluctant to look away. There was something about her eyes that reminded him of staring into the waters of the sea, dark and unrevealing, yet giving one the odd sensation of something lurking in their depths. What a dangerous thing it would be, to lean forward just a fraction too far...</p><p>It was Princess Pavetta's voice which pulled him back, interrupting the moment for him.</p><p>"Travel safely, Sir Eist," she said, sounding so earnest that finally, he broke eye contact so he could bow in her direction, face softened.</p><p>"Thank you, princess."</p><p>He turned his gaze back to the queen and bowed his head for her, too. "Your majesty."</p><p>He left Cintra for the first time since the wedding, while Mousesack held the fort.</p>
<hr/><p>"I brought you something," he whispered to Pavetta on his next visit while they were sitting at breakfast.</p><p>The girl turned her face to him with an expression of surprise.</p><p>"You have?" she asked.</p><p>"Oh yes. Remember the kraken we talked about?"</p><p>"I do!" she exclaimed, before frowning at him in suspicion, "You didn't bring me a kraken, did you?"</p><p>Eist couldn't stop himself from laughing out loud, which earned him a few strange looks from the other tables that he merrily ignored.</p><p>"Gods no," he said. "Krakens are way too big, and terrifying. I brought you something similar, but smaller, and way better."</p><p>He placed a wooden pot in front of the girl, and she opened the lid carefully to peek inside. Her entire face contorted in startled repulsion.</p><p>"It's an octopus," he explained.</p><p>"I know, I've seen a picture of one in a book," she replied and gingerly poked the wobbly meat. "It didn't look so... glibbery, though."</p><p>"This one has been salted in brine. On the Isles, we eat them as a delicacy. Go ahead, try it."</p><p>She lifted a piece of meat to her mouth, eyeing it for a moment before closing her lips around it.</p><p>Eist realised she didn't like it the moment she began chewing. She could have just spat it out, or simply told him she didn't like it, as any child from the Isles and probably plenty from the Mainland would have done, but the poor girl – too sweet and mannered for her own good, – swallowed the entire thing and then forced a smile. "It's very good," she told him and he almost laughed at her obvious lie.</p><p>Hadn't she been so committed to politeness, he probably would have let it go and told her to leave it be. But now, he couldn't stop himself from teasing her some more.</p><p>"Please," he smiled pleasantly, "help yourself to more."</p><p>The girl looked like she suddenly wished to be somewhere else, but after a few seconds of panicking, she said in a measured tone, "Thank you, but I wouldn't want to eat everything up and leave nothing for you."</p><p>Just as the girl must have put all of her effort into declining in the most diplomatic way possible, Eist had to put all of <em>his</em> effort into keeping a straight face.</p><p>"No, please, I insist. I brought it all this way so you could enjoy it all by yourself."</p><p>Unable to refuse a second time, Pavetta managed a weak smile as she raised her fork to take another bite. Eist was just about to take pity on her and save her from his jest, when someone else beat him to it.  </p><p>"Please stop torturing my kid."</p><p>Calanthe had watched their exchange silently, and the exasperated tone of her voice couldn't hide the reluctant amusement flickering in her eyes and playing around the corners of her lips.</p><p>"Torture?" Eist replied, feigning surprise. "I'm not torturing her."</p><p>He pointed at the octopus and asked Pavetta, "You like this, right?"</p><p>"Yes," the princess said, not fooling anyone.</p><p>"Put the fork down," Calanthe told her daughter with a smirk, her eyes remaining fixed on his face, and the girl almost dropped it in relief. Eist let out a breath of laughter through his nose, before leaning closer to the queen. </p><p>"I would have told her to stop in time," he muttered.</p><p>"Oh really?" She raised her eyebrows at him. "When? After she's eaten half the bowl and barfed all over the table?"</p><p>"... No?" Eist said and failed miserably to stop his mouth from curving into a smile after all. Then he turned to the princess.</p><p>"I'm very impressed, your highness. You've proven yourself to have the stomach of a true Islander. I believe you'd make a fine Skelligen."</p><p>She beamed at him. "Can I come with you, one day?" she asked suddenly. "To the Isles?"</p><p>Warmth settled in his chest at her enthusiasm, and he was about to respond when Calanthe cut him short.</p><p>"We'll see," she said with a smile that was too stiff and didn't reach her eyes. "Pavetta, dear, don't keep your tutor waiting. Come on, off you go."</p><p>The girl quickly got up from her chair and curtsied to both of them, the smile still lingering on her face as she looked at Eist and said earnestly, "Thank you very much for the octopus, Sir Eist. And next time, you can just bring me a seashell."</p><p>"Noted, your highness," he chuckled, and with a last smile in his direction, she ran off.</p><p>Calanthe, too, rose from her seat. As she went to exit the hall, she paused behind him and leaned forward. Her tone was low, only for him to hear.</p><p>"Don't let her get attached."</p><p>The words sank into the pit of his stomach like stone.</p>
<hr/><p>Despite intentions on both sides to keep interactions to a minimum, limited to polite conversation in public settings which were kept as brief as possible, they couldn't avoid each other entirely. There were moments, dictated by social etiquette, that forced them to spend time together in ways that neither of them would have preferred.</p><p>Eist had been gone for seven weeks since his last visit, and had only come back for a few couple of days when, on the first night since his return, Calanthe had appeared unexpectedly at his door.</p><p>"I believe I'm not interrupting anything?" she said and was already halfway into the room.</p><p>"No, please, go ahead," Eist quipped wryly, still standing by the door while Calanthe let herself fall into a chair. She pulled a scroll out of the fabrics of her dress and began reading.</p><p>Just because Eist had come to expect Calanthe to do things her way without bothering with an explanation didn't mean he was less baffled when it happened. It was the casualness in her unpredictability that both irritated and intrigued him in equal measure.</p><p>All his life he had prided himself in his skill at predicting the slightest change of weather and finding the right course of action in response, he had defied the sea herself for almost thirty years, but now, on dry land confronted with a single woman he suddenly found himself out of his depth. It was ironic, really — one woman couldn't possibly be more challenging than the sea.</p><p>"Please sit down, you're making me nervous," Calanthe told him without looking up from her paper.</p><p>Since she didn't seem eager to give him an explanation and he didn't want to give her the satisfaction of asking, he sat down and opened a book himself. Occasionally, he glanced up, finding the queen entirely immersed in her reading. The minutes passed, dusk turning into night, until finally, the queen stirred. Wordlessly, she rolled up her scroll and got up. She was about to leave when Eist called after her.</p><p>"This was fun, let's do it again some time."</p><p>Calanthe paused.  </p><p>"We haven't been seen together in a while," she said, giving him an explanation at last as she turned back around, "and I don't want rumors to spread throughout the castle that I am neglecting my conjugal duties."</p><p>"No, that would be an outrageous assumption", he retorted.</p><p>Her brow furrowed promptly at his insinuation, but a closer look at his face must have told her there was no discontent resonating in his words, and the flicker appearing in her eyes told him she had entered the game with him.</p><p>Calanthe moved back towards him with deliberate steps, put her hands on the wooden surface of the table and leaned forward, so close that he could feel her breath hot against his ear. "Consider yourself lucky," she whispered, "you wouldn't know what to do with me."</p><p>She held his gaze as she pulled back, eyes burning with the intensity of a predator zeroing in on their prey.</p><p>After she had left, Eist needed another moment to process what had just happened, the air slowly flowing back into his lungs, before he let out a chuckle, yielding to the acknowledgment of his own foolishness. Maybe one woman could be more challenging than the sea, and it just happened to be the one he had involuntarily gotten married to.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The next time she showed up, Eist had been prepared and the hour was spent in comfortable silence. The third time, he introduced her to Tafl. That was the night he learned that Calanthe was both a sore loser, but also vehemently refused him to go easy on her. When she realised he let her win a match, she took his king and threw him in the fire because 'if he wanted to cheat, so would she'. He laughed heartily at her juvenile defiance. The fourth time, they talked.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"You're stalling."</p><p>Eist smirked when Calanthe shot him an annoyed look.</p><p>"No, I'm not," she snapped back before turning her attention back on the board. "I'm thinking, and I'd be done thinking if you weren't distracting me."</p><p>It took her another moment before she reached out and made her move. Eist followed it closely. He'd been raised with the game, had over three decades of experience to look back on; Calanthe, on the other hand, was new to it, but already she found ways to counter him. She hadn't won yet, his experience giving him the deciding advantage, but there was no doubt in his mind that in a year or two she would outsmart him after all.</p><p>"You know," he said, "there's actually a lot you can tell about a person by the way they play this game."</p><p>"Oh?" she asked, eyes focused on the board.</p><p>"My brother for example will always go for the most aggressive strategy, moving his pieces with the finesse of a sledge-hammer. It's effective to a point, but terribly predictable. My sister plays smart, but cautious, and sometimes she'll miss a defining opportunity."</p><p>Calanthe had raised her head at last, and was now watching him.</p><p>"And me?"</p><p>He gave her a long, contemplative look.</p><p>"I'm not sure yet. But —" He let his eyes wander over the board, and a smile began to tug on the corners of his lips as he finally caught up with her line of thought for her last draw, "I think you play bold but not rash. You make it look like you're going for a straight-forward attack when in fact," he moved his own piece and she sighed in resignation at her defeat, "it's a diversion from your backup plan."</p><p>She tilted her chin up. "Are you saying I'm underhanded?"</p><p>"No," he mused. "No. I think... you don't wish to be known."</p><p>His reply seemed to startle her for a moment, irritation flitting across her face. But as fast as it had appeared, it was gone.  </p><p>"You're not exactly sharing anything about yourself, either," she threw back at him.</p><p>Eist shrugged. "You could just ask."</p><p>"Oh, it's as simple as that?"</p><p>"I have nothing to hide."</p><p>The look she gave him held the promise of fangs.</p><p>"How come you've never been married before?"</p><p>Of all the things she could have asked, he wasn't sure if he had expected that. It seemed... trivial.</p><p>"I'm not the marriage type," he replied easily.</p><p>"Try again."</p><p>"It's the truth."</p><p>"The watered-down bullshit version of it, the one you give as a convenient reply. Don't tell me I don't wish to be known when you're scared yourself to give me an honest answer — the ugly truth that you don't want to admit even to yourself."</p><p>This time it was him being taken by surprise. For years he had used these words to explain why he never settled, until they had become a widely accepted mantra. Eist Tuirseach, seafarer and warrior, unwilling yet to settle down and settle for one woman. It was an easy excuse; a man who did not want to be trapped and preferred his freedom and entertainment was not unheard of, after all. But under her piercing eyes, he felt them unravel, and new words pushing up to the surface.</p><p>"I never married because... I know I would grow bored. I'd be married to a nice woman, have my own family, and every day I would loathe being stuck in the repetitiveness of it, and my wife would be stuck with a man who did not wish to be there. She'd want me to stay and be with the family, which is what any wife would deserve, and I couldn't give. Until one day, I'd make that selfish choice and leave. I know I would. But I could never go back to being just Eist Tuirseach, Jarl of Skellige anymore, could I? I'd be Eist Tuirseach — estranged husband and absent father." He swallowed. "And that's not a legacy I wish to have."</p><p>His speech was followed by a long silence; the words, which had never been given the warmth of breath before, now hanging heavily between them.</p><p>But then Calanthe smiled, and just like that, they dissipated into the thin of air.</p><p>"There we go," she breathed softly.</p><p>"What about you? You became queen with fourteen but only got married three years later. Why?"</p><p>She held his gaze for a moment. Then —</p><p>"Hour's up," she said flatly and rose from her chair.</p><p> </p><p>The fifth time, they were back to silence.</p><p> </p><p>A year came and went, and Eist realised that, looking back on it, his life had not changed as much as he'd feared. As an unmarried man, he had lived both on the Isles and at sea, dividing his time between the two of them. Now, he simply split it into thirds, travelling back and forth between Cintra and Skellige, and travelling the sea, too. And he had to admit that his time spent in Cintra wasn't as unbearable as he had expected it to be either. In fact, everything worked out rather well. Until it didn't.</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>i don't play tafl, i have never played tafl, the rules are entirely made up and i only used it for symbolism™<br/>this chapter also featured 'reverse sneaking around' which was uberwaldian_connection's idea so now i owe her my firstborn</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Things began to change on the night of the tournament. He'd returned to Cintra after being gone for nearly two months, just in time for the annual midsummer festival. All day people had been celebrating, many Cintran lords and ladies had gathered to enjoy the festivities; there were young men displaying their skills — or lack thereof, and young women judging them from the sidelines.</p><p>Calanthe had left it up to him to decide whether he wanted to attend or not. She would have been fine representing the crown of Cintra on her own, that much was obvious when she told him about it. He had considered making himself scarce during the festival, but ultimately, he'd decided against it. He'd figured that either he would see some fine skills and techniques, or he would watch Cintran noblemen making complete fools of themselves — either way, he'd have a good time. </p><p>In the end, there'd been both, and he enjoyed it very much. Queen Calanthe on the other hand did not appear merry. Eist saw her roll her eyes plenty, and a few times he'd felt like she'd wanted to get up and join, before coercing herself to lean back into her chair, fingers drumming restlessly on the armrest.</p><p>After the tournament came the banquet. It went as banquets did, there was food and music, drinking, dancing (which made him consider his options on how to quietly disappear without anybody noticing) and merry conversation. He was glad for Mousesack's company, the druid being seated to his left. There weren't a lot of people he trusted as much as he trusted the druid, and Mousesack was a welcome reminder of home when he spent time in the stone fortress.</p><p>He noticed the princess' attention on them, and he realised she was listening to their conversation — or trying to, past the music and the laughter. She really was a quiet child, but smart and inquisitive, and the druid and her seemed to have struck up an odd little friendship.</p><p>At some point during the night, the guests began to tell stories, and young men were vying with one another to present the most daring and glorious adventures. It didn't take long for Eist to be certain that half of them were exaggerated, and the other half were plainly made up.</p><p>When a young lad, voice still breaking and round chin barely covered with blond fluff, theatrically proclaimed to have fought a giant monster armed with nothing but a reaping-hook, Eist took another swig from his beer, only to find the cup empty. Just as well, he figured. No amount of beer would make this ordeal more bearable.</p><p>The boy took his sweet time getting to the point of his story, since he couldn't refrain from painting every detail enthusiastically and dramatically. Eist felt himself sigh a number of times during the tale, and Queen Calanthe blinked with the same arrogant boredom as a cat watching an unsuspecting mouse sniffing the cheese.</p><p>"— and then I <em>strangled</em> the werewolf with <em>my bare hands </em>—"</p><p>"Could've just told this story to the beast, it would've lost its will to live all on its own," Eist muttered quietly.</p><p>Next to him, the queen had been about to take a sip when she snorted into her cup, which turned into a cough. He silently handed her a napkin and she pressed it against her lips until she regained her composure, schooling her face back into perfect serenity. When she returned his napkin, however, their eyes locked for a moment and he saw amusement dancing in them and something shifted — a connection created by the shared experience of a joke that silently passes between two people.</p><p>The rest of the evening, Eist found that he enjoyed himself much better.   </p>
<hr/><p>It was way past midnight when the gathering was dissolved by the queen, and even the most steadfast drinkers were shooed from the great hall, to continue their drinking spree somewhere else without doubt.</p><p>On the way to his chambers he heard shouting and laughter, coming from an inner yard two levels below, and for once Eist was glad there were no Islanders present. Tonight he could go to sleep peacefully without worrying about his men and their drunken shenanigans. He stepped to an open window to cast a glance at them and snorted quietly as he watched three young men trying to put a plumed hat on the statue of a knight on his horse.</p><p>"Wish to join them?"</p><p>The unexpected sound startled him, and he turned towards the source of the voice. The queen was leaning against the opposite wall, arms crossed and watching him. He couldn't tell if she had been just so very quiet in her approach, or if she'd been there the entire time. He hadn't noticed either. </p><p>"Quite the opposite," he told her, "I'm enjoying the knowledge that they're someone else's problem."</p><p>Her lips curved into a lopsided smile as she stepped forward to his side and looked down into the yard.</p><p>Having apparently been unable to reach the knight's head, the boys had finally settled on the alternative, the feathered hat now crowning the horse's mane.</p><p>Calanthe's brows furrowed as she watched the three boys moving on to their next mission, which was attaching a beer tankard to the hand of the statue that was outstretched and pointing forwards. Their giggles echoed through the courtyard. Next to him, Eist heard the queen snort quietly.</p><p>"That actually looks much better," she said, tilting her head. "Certainly a more realistic depiction of him."</p><p>"You've know him?"</p><p>"Oh yes," Calanthe confirmed. "Sir Roderich of Hagen — won numerous battles for my father, and my grandfather before him. In his old age, though, he was just drinking plenty. That, and always lecturing me on how the only proper way for women to ride was side-saddle because riding astride made women infertile."  </p><p>"Oh, charming."</p><p>"Yes. I paid him back though, by beating his nephew in a horse race. I will never forget the satisfaction of seeing his face, even after I was disqualified by my father for entering the contest without permission."</p><p>The queen's gaze was resting on the statue, lost in a distant memory.</p><p>Eist's own eyes, however, lingered on Calanthe, studying her expression.</p><p>"You don't like watching from the sidelines."</p><p>She turned her head at his unprompted statement. He wasn't just talking about this moment — the pieces of her subtle behavior during the tournament from today coming together into a realisation, and she seemed surprised for a moment, until her mouth twisted into a grim smile.</p><p>"I may get myself killed on a battlefield, but I'm not permitted to compete against men in mock combat, so I won't step on their feelings in public. If I had been born king, I could have knocked each and every one of them into the dirt and it would have been considered an honor, not humiliation." </p><p>"Hmm." Eist had never seen her fight, but somehow there was no doubt in his mind that she was right. For someone like her to hold back for the sake of conventions had to have been a hard lesson to learn. Calanthe, however, did not welcome his sympathy.</p><p>"You think you're different, Tuirseach?" she challenged him.</p><p>He shrugged. "On Skellige, women compete in our arenas alongside men. We treat them as equals."</p><p>The queen scoffed. "And yet, every commander in your fleet is a man. You grant one thing and take another. It's mastery disguised as benevolence, nothing more than that."</p><p>"Your people call you the lioness. Is that not a show of respect?"</p><p>"It's just a name. It means nothing. The only thing that means anything is who rules. Who actually, rightfully rules — so Islands... Mainland... it's all the same."</p><p>They were quiet for a moment, and he felt her words sinking in, settling uncomfortably in the pits of his stomach.</p><p>"I don't seek to rule you," Eist said quietly, "if that's what you're concerned about."</p><p>Calanthe smiled and her tone was bitter. "Everybody does."</p><p>"I don't —"</p><p>"And yet you're here. And I'm stuck once again in a political arrangement."</p><p>"And you think I'm not?" he inquired, growing irritated.</p><p>"No, Tuirseach, you're not stuck. You're Jarl of Skellige <em>and</em> King of Cintra, free to come and go whenever you please."</p><p>"And I would have much rather married for love, than... whatever this is."</p><p>She laughed. "Love is for fools. You think people like us could fall in love?"</p><p>"Yes, perhaps, but you're making it really damn difficult."</p><p>As soon as the words left his mouth, he wished he could take them back. An expression of hurt flashed across her face that he had not meant to cause, before it was replaced by anger.</p><p>"Good," she hissed. "I'd rather choke than let any man whisper sweet nothings into my ear. Why would I need love when I'm wearing a crown?"</p><p>And with that she turned and marched off and down the corridor, until the darkness swallowed her. Eist remained frozen in his spot for another moment, before he shook his head and returned to his own chambers.</p>
<hr/><p>Eist had meant to apologise after he returned from his short trip to Bremervoord. The region had become wealthy due to their trading with pearls, but was now exposed to raids on their fishermen and pearlers. They had requested protection in form of ships and men from Skellige for their coasts in exchange for payment, and King Bran had accepted the deal. So Eist sailed to Bremervood after his argument with the queen, thinking it right to give them both the space to calm their tempers.</p><p>When he returned barely two days later, however, the next quarrel was right around the corner, meeting Eist upon his arrival in the form of his druid, who informed him on something that made his blood boil once more.</p><p>"Mousesack told me you threatened him," Eist confronted the queen when he found her outside the armory. She shot him a dark look, before dismissing her servants and staff with a wave of her hand. Calanthe waited for them to be out of earshot before she turned to him.</p><p>"I didn't threaten him, I simply told him to stick to the office he was assigned to."</p><p>"You said you were going to cut out his tongue and send it back to Skellige, what would you call that if not a threat?"</p><p>"Motivation. So that in the future, he'll keep his bloody thoughts to himself."</p><p>Eist forced himself to take deep breaths, willing down the anger bubbling up in him.</p><p>"Why are you against him mentoring the princess?"</p><p>Within a second, the temperature around them dropped. There was a shift in her posture, something in her body language changed, hardened. A concrete wall drawing up around her, standing between them. Behind that wall, though, raged a fire, and it burned like ice.</p><p>"Because he is distracting her from her duties and lessons —" Eist had never heard Calanthe's voice so seething or seen her eyes flaring with ire as they were now. "— filling her head with nonsense tales."</p><p>But he, too, was growing angrier.</p><p>"He is one of the wisest and most capable scholars these lands have known, and the princess Pavetta would be lucky to learn from —"</p><p>"What," the queen interrupted him, "could a princess of Cintra possibly learn from a superstitious, backward rabble of fishermen and plunderers? How to pickle fish and read the clouds?"</p><p>Eist's breath got stuck halfway in his throat. His blood was pulsing through his body with the strength and rage of a volcano, ready to erupt.</p><p>"You may insult me, your majesty, but I will not allow you to insult my people. I have encountered much arrogance on the Mainland, but you truly outshine even the vainest of them."</p><p>He was trembling with barely contained anger, and her eyes were a testament of every curse she was wishing upon him in this moment. If he hadn't been so furious, he might have recognised the dampness in them for what it was, too. </p><p>"Get out of my sight," she whispered.</p><p>He didn't need to be told twice. Eist packed his things and left for Skellige on the same day.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>it needs to get worse before it gets better, that's how this trope works, right? right?? please don't yell at me, i'm soft<br/>thank you for reading, too &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was good to be home. The sound of waves breaking on the shore, the rough winds whipping around one's face and the taste of salt in the air were as familiar as the wooden huts of the town and the feeling of his own bed.</p><p>He hadn't planned on how long he would stay, he just knew that he needed to be somewhere to clear his mind, find himself again, maybe even figure out where to go from here. Two weeks passed in no time, most of it spent with the men from his crew and his sister's family. King Bran was not on the Isles when Eist arrived, which was probably for the best, because Eist did not want to have to explain himself. He wouldn't have known where to begin.</p><p>His sister could tell that something was off, but she didn't push him, which he appreciated. Ingrid had always been tactful and discreet, noticing much but saying little. Since they'd been children, Eist was certain that out of the three of them, she was the smartest sibling.</p><p>She invited him to her home often, though, which was her way of keeping an eye on him. He didn't comment on it. It was her, on a misty afternoon over a cup of heated mead, who finally raised the topic.</p><p>A fine rain had begun to patter against the window, and in the hearth crackled a fire. He had been lost in thoughts, watching the glass of the window blur, hundreds of droplets falling on the surface, building a landscape of little ponds and streams.</p><p>"So what is going on with you?"</p><p>Ingrid's smooth voice snapped him out of his pondering.</p><p>"Nothing," he replied instinctively.</p><p>"Mhm, sure. You come back with a scowl like a month of wet summer days, then hang around on the Isle for weeks doing nothing but brooding. That's not my little brother. The Eist I know doesn't scowl, and he doesn't do nothing, either."</p><p>"I'm not doing nothing," he said defensively. "I'm... thinking."</p><p>"See, I told you something was odd about you," Ingrid teased, but the look she gave him was still concerned. "What's got your mind so occupied?"</p><p>Eist took a large swig from his mead, biding some time to think on his reply. He could've just gotten up and left, but his sister was right, he's been avoiding the issue for too long.</p><p>"I'm trying to figure out how to tell the king that this arrangement between Cintra and Skellige is not working."</p><p>His words hung heavy in the stuffy air of the room.</p><p>"You mean your marriage is not working," his sister concluded carefully.</p><p>"Hm."</p><p>"Have you..." Ingrid pursed her lips for a moment, but then pushed forward, "have you, you know, even tried to make it work?"</p><p>"Of course I've tried!" Eist put the cup down a bit too forcefully and some of the mead spilled over on the oaken table. Irritated, he began cleaning it away with his sleeve.</p><p>"The queen has made it very clear, however, that she is not the least bit interested in a marriage. And frankly, neither is our own king. Did you know Bran has negotiated this marriage arrangement by going over my head, and didn't even think it necessary to inform me on the specifics, like the fact that this entire thing will be dissolved with the marriage of Calanthe's daughter? I accepted this arrangement for my people and my king, and he couldn't even return the courtesy to be open and honest with me."</p><p>"It's not Bran's fault." Something in his sister's voice made him pause, and Ingrid sighed. "I asked Bran not to tell you."</p><p>"Why would you do that?" There was no anger in his voice, only bewilderment.</p><p>Ingrid held his gaze, and while there was empathy in her eyes, he saw no regret. "I was afraid you would not even try to get to know her, had you been aware of the limited time. Maybe some part of me was hoping you'd grow fond of her, and finally decide to settle — make a life, a home. You're too good a man to spend the rest of your days alone."</p><p>Eist shook his head, processing her words and not knowing how to feel about them.</p><p>"Of all the people I know, you were the last I expected such meddling from," he finally said.</p><p>His sister reached out and took his hand in hers. It was much smaller, but her grip was strong and familiar.</p><p>"Don't be upset with me, Eist. I wish you happiness with all my heart."</p><p>He sighed, but squeezed her hand back in reassurance.</p><p>"I know. I'm just not certain I'll find it in Cintra."</p><p>"What will you do now?" she asked.</p><p>"I don't know. It's still four years until the deal has been fulfilled, but I don't think I can stand it that long. I suppose the only fair thing to do is to return to Cintra and ask the queen to dissolve the bond."</p><p>"Don't do anything you'll regret." His sister looked at him with worry. "You know Bran will not be happy about it."</p><p>"Bran can go f—"</p><p>In that moment, a tall lad barged in and began shaking his thatch of red hair, sending drops of rain everywhere.</p><p>"The weather really is shite today," he declared.</p><p>"Sit down, Crach," Eist said, pushing the chair next to him back to make room for his nephew and placing his own cup of mead in front of the young boy. "Get yourself warm."</p><p>"Thanks," the boy said. "Drowning our sorrows, I see. What are we talking about that makes your faces look miserable as sin?"</p><p>"Nothing," Eist said, at the same time that Ingrid said, "Marriage."</p><p>"Aye," the boy smirked and turned to his uncle, "how's that going for you?"</p><p>"Fine," Eist grumbled and his nephew barked out a laugh.</p><p>"Clearly. I'm feeling for you, uncle. We've all heard stories about the lioness. Is it true what they say, that she has fangs in her p — "</p><p>"Crach," he interrupted the boy sharply. "Don't talk about the queen that way, or any woman, in fact. Your mother has raised you better."</p><p>"Have I?" Ingrid gave him a doubtful look, before turning her attention to her son. "Go fetch some more firewood from the shack for us, will you?"</p><p>Crach cast a brief glance at the cheerfully crackling fire and raised two bushy eyebrows. "This is my mother's way of getting rid of me so the adults can talk. I cannot be deceived, woman."</p><p>"Oh, just go," Ingrid said with exasperated fondness. Crach groaned, but drained the rest of the cup.</p><p>When the door fell shut behind him, Ingrid turned back to Eist.</p><p>"Whatever you do, don't rush your decision, please. Marriages are never easy. Even among those who choose their spouse, there'll always be quarrels, misunderstandings, differences." She gave him a sympathetic smile. "Do you not like her at all?"</p><p>Eist sighed. "It's not that simple, Ingrid." He paused. "There were moments... — but it doesn't matter, because she has made it clear what she thinks of our people, of me. She has said things with the self-righteousness I've come to expect from Mainlanders, but spices it up with the natural haughtiness of a monarch by birth. And she would never apologise for them, or feel remorse. So how could I possibly stay with a woman like that?"</p><p>Ingrid stared at him for a long time, fingers trailing over the rim of the cup absentmindedly. Then she said carefully, "Sometimes, the secret is not to listen to what people say, but to listen to what they don't."</p>
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<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Eist wondered how many more times he'd have to return to Cintra to get accustomed to the sight of the fortress, the high tower standing tall over the roofs of the city, already visible from afar — a monument of Cintra's pride.</p><p>What was it his grandmother used to say? <em>Pride will have a fall. </em>As he passed the archway into the castle, he let his eyes wander up the length of the stone wall to the spire and felt an inexplicable shudder. Oh, what a grave fall this would make.</p><p>He wasn't the only one making his way into the castle. On his way to his chambers he saw a few unfamiliar or vaguely familiar faces, guests dressed in fine clothes, which told Eist most of what he needed to know. The rest he learned from Mousesack, when he found him in the library.</p><p>The druid welcomed him with a grin.</p><p>"Returned at last! I thought you had abandoned me and made your escape, my lord."</p><p>"Never, friend," Eist said as he pulled up a chair next to the druid. "When I leave, I'm taking you with me, for there's no one better equipped than you for a successful disappearance in the dead of night."</p><p>"Very true," Mousesack said. "And it's good of you to come back for the ambassadors' banquet. I wasn't sure if the queen would inform you."</p><p>"She didn't," Eist frowned.</p><p>"Oh..."</p><p>Eist took a deep breath. He was back for barely an hour and it was already promising to be another disaster. He had half a mind to say 'screw it', get up and leave immediately, because he wasn't sure whatever trading advantages his brother and the queen had negotiated were worth the headache forming behind his temple.</p><p>"Well, it's good of you to be back, anyway," the druid continued. "Now that you're here, my lord, I can rest assured that if the banquet is going to go awry, she'll eat you alive instead of me."</p><p>Mousesack returned the dark look Eist shot him with a big grin.</p><p>"I've changed my mind," Eist said, "I'm leaving you behind, after all."</p><p>He looked around briefly to make sure nobody else was close, before turning back to the druid, "How has the queen been, anyway?"</p><p>Mousesack shrugged. "I've barely seen her, she's kept herself very busy. Whatever you want to say about the queen, you cannot accuse her of being an idle monarch. Whenever I've seen her though, she seemed... distempered. More so than usual."</p><p>Eist frown deepened. "Do you know why? Has she been unwell, or her kid?"</p><p>He saw the druid raise his eyebrows, and for a moment he wondered why, but then forgot about it when the druid replied, "No, they're both fine. She's just been in a bad mood, and it's gotten worse the closer we've been getting to the day of the banquet."</p><p>"That's odd," Eist murmured. Calanthe was a natural at social gatherings. Not that she liked them, but she always commanded the space she was in and he could not think of a reason why she would get worked up over this particular one. Odd, indeed; and only one way to find out more.</p>
<hr/><p>Eist didn't have to go looking for the queen, because as he rounded a corner he walked straight into her. Only by reflex did he avoid a collision, his hands reaching out to grab her arms, steadying her.</p><p>"You're back."</p><p>Mousesack had been right, something was different. She appeared irritated, but there was no snide remark, no attitude, not even anger. She just seemed tense, and maybe a little taken aback to see him.</p><p>"Only by chance," he replied, letting his hands fall to his sides. "I had no knowledge of today's occasion. Had I known, I would have timed it better."</p><p>"Yes," she said. "That would have been preferable."</p><p>Even those words didn't hold the same bite as they should have. They weren't said with a sassy raise of her eyebrows or the drawl with which she delivered many of her remarks. Instead, her tone was uncharacteristically low. He didn't know what to make of it.</p><p>Eist hadn't expected her to welcome him back with open arms, had rather prepared himself for more confrontation. For some reason, her quiet dismissal was worse.</p><p>"Well," he tried to brush it over, "since I'm here now, I'll attend." He noticed her press her lips together. "Unless there's a reason why I should not?"</p><p>Calanthe seemed to struggle with her answer, indecision clear on her face.</p><p>"No," she finally said. "No reason at all. And," she added when she eyed him up and down and coming to rest on the stubble on his chin, "make sure you'll look presentable."</p><p>"Your majesty," he called after her before he could stop himself, and immediately winced. The question 'are you alright' was on the tip of his tongue. Calanthe turned back around, watching him warily and suddenly he knew that any sign of concern would be met with a knee jerk reaction from her side at the implication of vulnerability. And just like that, he swallowed it back down. "I'll see you at the feast," he said instead.</p><p>Her brows furrowed, but if she had the suspicion that he'd wanted to say something else, she didn't call him out on it.</p>
<hr/><p>Ambassadors had to be, with the worthy exception of Mousesack, some of Eist's least favourite people, that much was certain. Sure, they had their way with words and appeared pleasant company, but at the end of the day, a wolf in sheep's clothing was still a wolf. And these wolves had gathered in the Cintran royal hall to utilize every trick and knack to push the interests of their kings through.</p><p>A handful of them, the ones representing neighboring kingdoms and counties especially, were a constant presence at the Cintran court. The others came and went in accordance with their missions and requests. For today, the invitation had been extended to most of the continent, not just for audiences, but for a feast as a show of good will, a single event before the lords and lands were back at each other's throats.</p><p>Eist noted that Calanthe drank less than usual, her goblet of wine remaining nearly untouched in front of her, as was the food on her plate. Instead, her eyes wandered through the hall, observant from the higher tier of their table like a hawk. What they were looking for, Eist did not know.</p><p>A man stepped forward that Eist had never seen before. He was about their age, maybe a few years older. There was an air of effortless elegance around him, his clothes expensive yet unobtrusive, and his face pleasantly symmetrical.</p><p>"Your majesty, what an honor it is to be back in this grand city." His voice carried with the confidence of a man who spoke well and often.</p><p>Next to him, Eist felt the queen tense. As he shot her a glance from the corners of his eyes, he noticed the hand resting on her thigh beneath the table clench and unclench briefly, as if it was trying to release the tension cursing through the body attached to it.</p><p>"Welcome back, Sir Dariel. It's been too long." </p><p>"That it has," he smiled. "May I take a seat by your side, your majesty, or should I state my cause from here?"</p><p>"Sit," she said flatly, and gestured to the chair on her right.</p><p>Once seated, the man turned his attention to Eist.</p><p>"I believe congratulations are in order. Skellige and Cintra, a promising, strong alliance for both sides." He grinned and Eist had never seen such white and even teeth. "Is this a union of ambitious aspiration, or did you find yourself bewitched, my lord?"</p><p>He suddenly wondered if this man had ever wooed the queen. Would she have welcomed it? And what did it matter... — Eist shook the thoughts from his head.</p><p>"You must forgive me, sir," he said. "I'm afraid I'm not familiar with the custom of discussing private matters with someone I haven't even been properly introduced to, yet."</p><p>The man's smile widened, fine lines appearing at the corners of his eyes.</p><p>"You're right, your majesty, how rude of me. I'm Sir Dariel Harman of Neunreuth, ambassador to Nazair, a man merely of humble status, so I don't blame the Jarl of Skellige for not knowing me. It's a pleasure to finally get acquainted."</p><p>The name rang a bell in the back of Eist's mind, and if he wasn't mistaken the Harman family was a family of merchants and one of the richest private households on the continent. Not such a humble status, after all.</p><p>"The pleasure is mine," Eist nodded.</p><p>"And how does a man from the Isles fare in a kingdom such as Cintra? I would imagine that —"</p><p>"You can spare your breath softening up the king and speak to me directly," Calanthe interrupted him. "Though that won't be necessary, since I already know what this is about, and my answer is no."</p><p>Sir Dariel remained unshaken. If anything, his smile widened. "Still as feisty as ever, I see. But very well, let us skip the preamble. For two years now we have planned to built a canal through the Amell Mountains to connect the Newi River with the Yelena. It would give us a much more direct and efficient access to trade with Sodden, Rivia, Lyria, even Temeria. As you're aware, the only two ways to the North lead through the Marnadal Stairs and the Theodula Pass, both of which lead across Cintran soil. I know you don't like the thought of foreign ships crossing your land —"</p><p>"You're right, I do not."</p><p>"— however, I believe this pact could be of benefit for both kingdoms."</p><p>"How would a canal benefit Cintra?" Eist interjected.</p><p>"Taxes," Dariel replied easily. "For every ship that passes, Cintra will be paid a toll. At the rate we want to expand and conduct business, it'll be highly profitable for every party involved, trust me."</p><p>Eist nodded. He would have agreed, but then Calanthe spoke up.</p><p>"That's the problem," she said quietly. "I don't."</p><p>Eist had heard the queen angry, furious, raging like some ancient deity; he'd heard her hurt and bitter. But never, he realised, had her voice sounded like that when she'd talked to him — hatred dripping from it like venom from a viper's fangs.</p><p>Dariel's smile seemed plastered on his face, and his eyes flickered to Eist briefly before landing back on the queen.</p><p>"Very well, your majesty. I shall say no more of it."</p><p>The man rose from his chair and disappeared in the crowd. Calanthe, however, remained tense for the rest of the evening.</p>
<hr/><p>Eist was glad when the banquet ended and people began to pour from the hall into the corridors. He made his way through one of the side doors, ready to seek his chamber, and some sleep. As he stepped through the door he nearly ran into a young girl who seemed busy re-tightening the laces on her dress. Her dark eyes snapped up briefly, and Eist thought he knew her from somewhere, but then she focused back on fixing her dress and he continued his way.</p><p>He didn't make it far —</p><p>"Your wife is quite the woman, isn't she?"</p><p>Eist turned around towards the direction the voice had come from and saw Sir Dariel standing halfway behind a pillar, hands clasped behind his back. "Not unchallenging to be with, I reckon. But some men enjoy that, do they not? You strike me as someone who likes a challenge; we have that in common."</p><p>Eist furrowed his brows. The man's tone was casual, friendly even, but Eist had the feeling that this conversation was navigated with very specific intent.</p><p>"I suppose," he replied, purposefully vague, and attempted to continue his way; but Dariel wasn't done yet.</p><p>"Of course what's an entertaining challenge at some times can be a nuisance at others. Especially when they make life harder than it has to be, for themselves included — this queen in particular."</p><p>Eist turned back to the man, and was met with a grin.</p><p><em>You seem to know her well</em>. That was the question pushing itself to the tip of Eist's tongue, biding its time for him to open his mouth and jump out. But as he looked at Dariel's grin, now more wolf than anything, and saw the flicker in the man's pale eyes, he saw the answer lingering there, too, begging to be prompted — so he refused.</p><p>"What is it you want from me?" Eist asked instead. Was it disappointment flashing across the man's face? If so, he recovered swiftly.  </p><p>"What I want is an opposite number who listens to reason. Women tend to be led by their hearts, whereas men know their minds, and I hear Skelligens are practical people, who recognise a reasonable deal when it is presented. So I encourage you to... use your position, as king, to reconsider, for the good of both sides. This kingdom may depend on it."</p><p>He leaned forward, every bit a figure of camaraderie.</p><p>"I have great respect for the queen but I'm afraid in this case she lets her judgment be clouded by personal feelings. You know of the grudges a woman can hold when you," he paused, "<em>slight her vanity</em>. So what say you, from man to man?"</p><p>"I say," Eist began slowly, "that we don't care for perfidy on Skellige, sir, nor for disloyalty either. So if you expect me to go behind the queen's back, I'll have to disappoint."</p><p>And for the first time that night, the man's smile crumbled from his face like rubble and turned into an expression of contempt.</p><p>"Is that your final answer?" he growled.</p><p>"That is my answer."</p><p>"What a pity, to find the Skelligen sea hound is nothing but a lap dog leashed."</p><p>Eist would have laughed, but the day had been long and all he could muster was a tired huff.</p><p>"A man who perceives listening to a woman as weakness is not much of a man. And, after this conversation, I'll know to trust the queen all the more to know a snake when she sees one. If that would be all," he said with a nod, "I'm ready for my bed."</p><p>"You'll regret this," the man called after him, but this time, Eist kept walking.</p>
<hr/><p>A servant must have lit a fire before he arrived, and the room was warm when he stepped inside. Autumn was announcing itself with a shower of rain that was over as soon as it began, fading into a light drizzle. Eist opened the window to let the cool night air in, and the smell of rain carried into the chamber.</p><p>There was a soft knock on the door, and he was more than surprised when he answered it and it was Calanthe waiting outside. He was so used to firm knocks, her pushing past him before he could even open his mouth — it had become somewhat of an expected routine by now. This, however, was anything but expected.</p><p>"Can I come in?" she asked.</p><p>He stepped aside and gestured for her to enter. She came to a halt in the middle of the room, while he lingered awkwardly by the door. She was wearing a dressing gown that had almost enough layers to count as a proper dress, but her hair was in a loose braid. It looked like she had been ready to retire, before changing her mind.</p><p>"Would you like to sit?" he asked, hoping to break the strange silence and pointed to the chair closest to the fire.</p><p>"Thank you," she said. She waited for him to close the window and take a seat himself before she opened her mouth.</p><p>"I owe you an apology." If Eist had held something in his hand, he would have dropped it, but he didn't, so the queen continued. "I've been more unkind and unjust than was called for, and I've made this arrangement unnecessarily difficult. For that I am sorry."</p><p>Eist didn't know what to say. He had wanted her to apologise ever since the argument, but now that she had, he felt almost embarrassed.</p><p>"I, um," he cleared his throat, "I haven't been making it entirely easy, either."</p><p>A corner of her mouth lifted, but it was with a heaviness. "Easier than others. Thank you," she said lowly, "for not going behind my back."</p><p>It took him a moment to understand what she was referring to, and when he did, he felt even more confused. </p><p>"How do you know about that?" he asked, because he had been sure the conversation between him and Dariel had occurred privately.</p><p>"My handmaiden, Janna." Eist suddenly remembered seeing the dark haired girl after the banquet and why she had seemed so familiar. "I knew I couldn't trust him, and that he'd try to sway you once I refused. She's been my eyes and ears tonight. And... I wasn't sure if I could trust you, either. Especially since we didn't part on the best of terms." She took a deep breath. "But, I see now that my mistrust was ill placed."</p><p>"I understand," Eist said, and he did. "You and him have a history?"</p><p>"He told you." It wasn't a question.</p><p>"He has... implied things."</p><p>She turned her head, and even from the side he could see the grim expression on her face.</p><p>"You asked me once why I didn't get married when I became queen, remember?" Next to the fire, her eyes glimmered like ember. "Tonight, you shall know. I was thirteen — him, a couple of years older, when he propositioned me. He flirted with me, and I let him, despite already being promised to someone else. I figured, what harm could it do?" She huffed. "At some point during the night, he became too persistent for my liking, so I turned him down. I did turn him down. However, it didn't go smoothly... well, you know my sense for tact by now. When the king, my father, died, my mother meant to marry me off straight away, but by then my reputation had suffered greatly from a number of rumors, spreading all over this part of the continent. Do I need to unravel the mystery for you?"</p><p>She didn't. Every question and suspicion he's had settled into place and made his chest simmer. Her brows knitted together when he remained silent. "Do you wish to know what the accusations were?"</p><p>"No," Eist replied without hesitation. "Whatever they were is none of my concern. And if they were true, it would not change a thing." He sighed. "We'd all be better off if people pried less and minded their own business."</p><p>Calanthe stared at him quietly for a long moment. Then she said, "I did not want you to come back. Before the banquet, I mean," she added when she saw his frown. "By the laws of this land, you could have overruled me, if you had wished to do so."</p><p>"I have no wish to do so," he said, hoping she knew he meant it. "Not today, and not in the future." Then, in an attempt to lighten the mood, he gave her a smile, "I wouldn't want to be smothered by a pillow one night, now, would I?"</p><p>He felt relief when he saw her mouth twitch.</p><p>"Please," she said. "As if I'd need a pillow for that."</p><p>He shook his head with a smirk and they fell into a comfortable silence, only filled by the crackling of the fire and a light rain pattering against the window, like fingertips on glass.</p><p>"Calanthe?" His voice was gentle, as if that could soften the blow that may be about to follow.</p><p>"Hm?"</p><p>"What is your issue with Mousesack?"</p><p>Calanthe frowned. But instead of getting angry, she lowered her gaze to the table between them, and began to occupy her attention by scratching at some dried candle wax.</p><p>"I'll go easier on him from now on," she told him. "And I didn't mean the things I have said about your people, either. I was merely —"</p><p>"— deflecting." He couldn't help the smile when her eyes snapped up. "As you are now." And have before, he thought.</p><p>She narrowed her eyes at him, and he wondered for a moment if he had crossed a line, but then she breathed out a laugh.</p><p>"I realised you were perceptive the moment I met you, Eist Tuirseach. But I am not ashamed to admit that I have underestimated you nevertheless."</p><p>"So have I." He smiled ruefully, remembering the hard judgment he had passed on her not very long ago. "And I am quite ashamed about it."</p><p>"Whatever it was, I take no offense. Not after tonight."</p><p>"Would it... ease your mind if I asked Mousesack to return to Skellige?"</p><p>Something flickered across her face, gone so fast he had no time to decipher it.</p><p>"Your druid is welcome to stay."</p><p>"Then why —" he began but she shook her head.</p><p>"Perhaps on another day," she said softly.</p><p>He nodded. "Very well."</p><p>She stood up and he went to open the door for her. She was almost through when he called out to her.</p><p>"Your majesty," he said, and she turned back to look up at him, waiting for him to continue with an expectant expression. He cleared his throat.</p><p>"Neither of us is looking for a courtship. And with the way things are, it does not even have to be a companionship, either. But for the time being, until we both go our separate ways again, can we not perhaps, if nothing else, attempt a friendship?"</p><p>For a moment she just stared at him, but then she gave him a small smile and, for the first time since he'd met her, he was certain it was entirely genuine.</p><p>"Yes," she said. "Yes, I think I'd like that."</p><p>He could have sworn that she <em>lingered</em>, as if a small part of her actually wanted to stay, but then she gave him a nod and bid him goodnight and was gone, and he told himself that it was the wine and the unfamiliar intimacy of the moment that must have played tricks on his mind.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>please squint very hard when you look at a witcher map so you won't notice i conventiently relocated sodden like a quarter to the right </p><p>next level of slow burn: unlocked. we've entered ☆.｡.:*friendship.｡.:*☆</p><p>thank you for reading, and leaving kudos, and comments. you own my heart!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It had been snowing for days, and the lands of Cintra disappeared under a blanket of snow so deep that from one moment to another the entire country came to stand still. The people of the city were tilting at windmills trying to shovel a footpath through the streets, provided they were able to open their doors first. Some were said to leave their houses through the windows, but most had just given up at some point and remained in their homes instead.</p><p>The only ones who seemed to enjoy the exceptional state were the children, frolicking around in the masses of snow, with red cheeks and blue fingers until their parents called them inside.</p><p>There were people staying put, children running wild — and then there was Calanthe, who in this very moment pushed open the door to the grand hall with force.</p><p>"Why did nobody feel the need to inform me that an entire region north of Ortagor is currently starving?" she called as she marched into the hall. The room had been occupied by a bunch of people, residents and servants, but they all abandoned whatever they were doing quickly at the queen's entrance, leaving her alone with her advisors, and one other person who had barely looked up when she'd stormed in.</p><p>Her advisors scrambled to their feet at her appearance, one of them nearly knocking over his mug filled with sweetened wine in the process.</p><p>She shot them all a dark look.</p><p>"Hate to interrupt this merry gathering, would you like some biscuits, too, perhaps?"</p><p>The men all shook their heads in negation, avoiding her gaze. She gestured for them to take their seats again. She, however, remained standing — towering over them when discussing state affairs; she preferred it that way.</p><p>"Good, then let's get to it, shall we? What are we going to do about the situation?"</p><p>She was met with silence. There was Brent, her Principal Secretary; Llewellyn, her High Treasurer and Master of Finance; and Sir Gerbold, Chief of Military, the oldest of them who had already counseled her father before her. Finally, her Secretary began to speak.</p><p>"We had word from Ueberortagor last month," Brent explained, "that their granary was destroyed by a fire caused by a strike of lighting."</p><p>"And why didn't we supply them with new rations already? That region is one of our most productive providers during harvest season, we can't have half of them starve to death."</p><p>"The stocktaking for our own provisions hadn't been completed yet —"</p><p>"— we were planning on sending them supplies around this time," Brent finished for Llewellyn.</p><p>"That worked out splendidly," she bit back. "But no more of it, that horse has bolted. So, how do we get the provisions to them now?"</p><p>"The roads are blocked, your majesty. Heavy snowfall has made it impossible to cross the land with laden carriages," Sir Gerbold began to speak, voice raspy with age. "And then there's the frozen lakes hidden by snow any men we sent would take risk of falling through."</p><p>"It would take weeks alone to travel the distance in this weather, your majesty," Brent said.</p><p>Calanthe let her eyes roll heavenwards in a silent prayer for patience, before turning them back on her advisors.</p><p>"I seem to be getting quiet old and already suffer from hearing impairment because it sounds to me like you're just listing problems, instead of giving me solutions."</p><p>"Well, your majesty," Brent spoke up hesitantly, sharing a brief look with his colleagues, "there is no solution."</p><p>"There is no way we can transport supplies that far under these conditions," Sir Gerbold agreed, crossing his arms and leaning back into his chair.</p><p>"You could if you sent them by ship."</p><p>The fifth person, who had remained silent until now, sitting a little further down at the length of the table, finally entered the conversation. Eist didn't even look up from the paper he was reading.</p><p>"There's only a bunch of streams leading there, barely 2 meter deep. No ship could pass them," Sir Gerbold shot back, squinting at the king.</p><p>"Skelligen ships can," Eist said with a nonchalant shrug.</p><p>"That's impossible. There is no way a ship laden with cargo could navigate waters that shallow." Her eldest advisor was growing more irritated now. It was no secret that he and the new king had no liking for each other, and Eist had too much of a talent at riling him up.</p><p>"It's not impossible, your ships are just bulky."</p><p>Sir Gerbold's face had taken on the color of radish. "That is outrageous! My father was the shipwright who designed them!"</p><p>"That actually explains so much," Eist quipped back.</p><p>Calanthe might have held back and watched the childish dispute unfold, for her own wicked entertainment, but there were more pressing matters at hand, and she had duties to fulfill, which, however it may seem, she did not take lightly.</p><p>"My lords," she said, voice steeled with authority, "would you be so kind and continue this pissing contest of yours <em>after</em> we have settled the matter, and preferably somewhere I don't have to bear witness to it?"</p><p>Both men nodded, her oldest advisor grimly and Eist still roguishly amused. She would have to have a word with him about that. Before this dispute escalated and one of them would drop like a fly — probably Sir Gerbold, who was already breathing heavily in response to the irritation.</p><p>"Fabulous. Now, how much food can we spare and still bring everyone within these walls through the winter?"</p><p>"Your majesty, this is a risky undertaking with no guarantee of —" Or maybe she would murder him herself, and make it look like an accident.</p><p>"Good Sir, don't explain something to me that I already know. Answer my question."</p><p>"About ten carriageful, I'd wager," Llewellyn chipped in, voice quiet and thoughtful. "The harvest was decent this year, it should be enough."</p><p>She gave her Treasurer a brief nod before she turned back to Eist and asked, "How will we get our hands on such ships?"</p><p>He laid down his reading and looked up at her. "I can send word to my brother today, and request 5 longships to be send here at once. It should be done within a two days time."</p><p>"Then do that."</p><p>He gave her a nod, and left the hall without much further ado.</p><p>"Gentlemen," she looked back towards her advisors, holding each gaze with her own for a second, "arise. There's much to prepare."</p><p> </p><p>Later, she found him in the druid's study, where he was looking through some recent exchanges between the Isles and their Cintran ambassador.</p><p>"My advisors want you to stop making them look like fools."</p><p>"They are fools." Eist didn't look up at her, but she saw his mouth curving into a small smirk.</p><p>"They are quite displeased with you," she said as she entered properly, sauntering to the middle of the room, taking it in. She didn't come here often, and she was curious to see the shelves filled with books and parchments, little vessels and jars filled with herbs and strange looking liquids, and even one creature that looked like a dried salamander.</p><p>"Are you?" He had finally raised his head and was watching her now.</p><p>"Yes," she lied, not convincing anyone as he arched an amused eyebrow in her direction, and she had to bite the inside of her cheek."I should be!"</p><p>More serious this time, she added, "King or no king, you musn't mock them."</p><p>"Look who's talking."</p><p>"That's different," she said, not unkindly, but firm; because he needed to understand. "I've spilled my own share of blood for this kingdom, I earned my right to mock them from time to time."</p><p>He was quiet for a moment, but then he nodded.</p><p>"Fair enough."</p><p>Eist got up from the chair and made his way towards her. "How about this," he said, "I'll deliver the supplies to your people personally then, take a few of my men with me. We're better at navigating difficult waters anyway." He came to a halt beside her, and she had to tilt her head a little to see his face. His eyes danced with mirth as he leaned down a little and murmured quietly, "And that way I'll get the satisfaction of proving the cockalorum wrong myself."</p><p>She turned her head away from him, the movement accompanied by a roll of her eyes, but a part of her realised it was to hide the grin threatening to break across her face.</p><p>"You're incorrigible," she whispered with forced sternness, and knew it was a pointless effort. He had an annoying sense for knowing her moods.</p><p>"Eist," she called after him and he paused at the door. "Don't do anything stupid. I don't want to have to go through the trouble of finding myself another king yet again, so, try not to fall into any ice water."</p><p>His eyes landed on her and there was a shift in his expression, like he had noticed something for the first time and was trying to make sense of. She frowned under his scrutinizing gaze, equally irritated, until he finally gave her a soft smile.</p><p>"I'll heed that advice."</p>
<hr/><p>Winter endured for another two moons. Provisions were beginning to run low, and even the children seemed to have grown tired of the snow. Her own daughter had barely set foot outside ever since the temperature had dropped. Pavetta was sensitive to the cold, and didn't care much for playing in it like other children would, either. It didn't matter now, Calanthe figured, her daughter was hardly even a child anymore. Then again, neither was Eist — despite apparent evidence against it, she thought with an eye-roll as she watched him push a handful of snow down her daughter's collar from the window she was standing at. The girl's shriek bounced back from the walls, and she turned to Eist with an expression of betrayal. Calanthe shook her head. If that had been her, he would have already found himself head first in a snow pile, with nothing but his legs sticking out.</p><p>Once Eist had returned from his mission to deliver the supplies, and the trip to Skellige afterwards, he'd got a hold of the possibly warmest coat on the entire continent and coaxed Pavetta into leaving the comfortableness of inside the walls. He picked a fine winter's day, when the sun was warm on the skin and the sky a vibrant blue.</p><p>Only a while ago, Calanthe had wanted to keep her daughter and her new husband as far away from each other as possible, to avoid any sorts of attachments that could only lead to heartache once the inevitable split occurred. But Eist was good for her, there was no point in denying it. Pavetta had always had a stronger bond to her father, who'd been much closer to the girl in mind and temper than Calanthe ever would. Eist wasn't much like Roegner, but he had a natural way with children, so much that even her Pavetta came out of her shell. Maybe it wasn't such a terrible thing after all. Her daughter would be married soon enough anyway and start her own family. But as long as she was still young, she could have this for now — something akin to a father. No, Calanthe mused, it wasn't such a terrible thing.</p>
<hr/><p>One year during spring, Calanthe had accompanied her father on his travels through the kingdom. It was the first time then that she had come close to understanding what the bards were so soppy about when they sang of the beauty of spring, of rebirth and bliss. Calanthe had never cared much for poetry or nature, but there was something about watching an entire land come back to life. Delicate flowers pushing themselves out of the frozen ground with persistence, songbirds raising their voices again to praise the passing of winter. Of course, not everything came back from the cold.</p><p>The snow had finally melted; not even the frost remained. She was sitting on the broad window sill, legs dangling good 100 feet above the ground. Calanthe had never been afraid of heights — there was nothing threatening about standing on an edge and knowing it could not harm you if you didn't let it.</p><p>She sat there like that, watching the sun rise and reveling in the feeling of the chilly morning breeze on her skin. The soft rustling of clothes and carefully placed footsteps on the ground made her anticipate the person appearing by her side before she saw them.</p><p>She quickly brushed her hands over her face to hide the dampness before Eist could see it. If he had noticed, he didn't say anything. He just kept sitting by her side, his own feet dangling next to hers, offering her comfort and giving her the time to accept it.</p><p>Children were playing in the streets, their laughter carried through the breeze and mixing with birds chirping and the busy sounds of people going about their daily tasks — blacksmiths, market criers, women exchanging goods and news. </p><p>Calanthe tilted her chin a little, letting her eyes wander to his face, watching him watch the goings-on below.</p><p>"What are you thinking?" she asked.</p><p>A small smile appeared on his face.</p><p>"I'm thinking... that I believe I'm beginning to like Cintra." He grinned when she raised her eyebrows. "I know, I'm just as surprised as you are."</p><p>"Are you sick, perhaps?" she asked, lifting her hand to his forehead in mock examination. "You don't have a fever, do you?"</p><p>His face did feel flushed beneath her knuckles, and there was a warmth in his eyes too as he met her gaze that suddenly made her realise how close they were sitting, and she quickly let her hand and her gaze drop down into her lap.</p><p>They were quiet for a while, maybe a little bit more awkwardly than before.</p><p>"I'm sorry for your loss," he said into the silence.</p><p>Calanthe took a deep breath. "She's been frail for a while now. And each winter has been harder on her. It's just... she's been closer to me than just a governess, you see? More like an older sister, really. Or a friend. Obviously I didn't have many of those growing up —"</p><p>She watched the children below, running around, throwing a ball, adults shaking their heads in exasperation when a child ducked underneath them to shoot past, avoiding a collision last second.</p><p>Her childhood had been equally wild. There'd just been... less children her own age in it.</p><p>Following her gaze, Eist's mind must have wandered to similar memories, too.</p><p>"Growing up I always wanted to hang out with my older brother and his friends. He didn't want me to, of course, because who wants to drag their little snot-nosed sibling along. But my sister put her foot down so he had to. Then that one time, we climbed up the hills, and there are these underground caves, right, that we weren't allowed to go in. My brother and his friends thought it would be funny to send me down a crack with a rope, as a dare. So, small lad as I was, meaning to prove myself, went down there. And then, my good and caring brother pulled up the rope and left me there."</p><p>Calanthe's hand flew up to cover her mouth, but that couldn't hide the amusement flickering in her eyes.</p><p>"Oh, you think that's funny, don't you?" he asked, pretending to be offended.</p><p>"No, I'm sorry, I shouldn't laugh," she said, forcing her face back into a serious expression. "I'm sorry, please continue."</p><p>"Well, I was stuck there, in nothing more than a hole in the rocks, waiting for my brother to return. I knew he was gonna come back eventually, but I could see the daylight beginning to dim, and also it was really uncomfortable being crouched down there. So I looked around and saw this slot, and behind it a tunnel. As I said, I was a skinny lad back then, so I figured, I could see how far into the mountain it went. So I started crawling."</p><p>"Weren't you scared?" she asked, intrigued.</p><p>"Nah. It's hard to be scared when you're moving. Besides, I felt pretty adventurous, and it was too exciting to think about anything else. And you know, they say there's mystical folks living in the hills."</p><p>"Did you find any?" Calanthe smirked.</p><p>"No," Eist shook his head. "But I came out on the other side of the hill, not far from where we lived. I even made it home in time for supper. Now, Bran on the other hand, he went back to get me only to find me gone. Got freaked out shitless when he realised he had to go home and confess to our parents that he lost their youngest child. I might have gotten snatched by a cave troll, for all he knew. I don't know what was funnier, his face when he came in and saw me already sitting there or the earful he got from our mother," he snickered.</p><p>"I want to say it was awful what he did," Calanthe said, biting her lip, "but if I had been an older sister I might have done the same."</p><p>"Yeah, you two would've been a match made in hell," Eist laughed.</p><p>"I got married to the right brother then," she quipped, and a grin appeared on his face that he quickly tried to conceal by tilting his head, letting his gaze trail back to the busy streets below.</p><p>She looked at him, this man of the sea and adventure, abiding his time in a city of stone. A city she loved, and he hated. "Seems like he put you in a hole again," she said softly.</p><p>Eist let out a small breath, lips curving into a wry smile.</p><p>"It's not so bad this time. I have company."</p><p>Warmth filled her chest that made her forget the cool air on her skin, and the sorrow she felt. The sorrow of losing a loved one, a friend, a constant in her life... and yet, here she was, not as alone as she thought she would be, sitting on a window sill on an early spring morning, side by side with an unexpected friend. And maybe that was the truth about the change of seasons, too: Sometimes, one flower would die so a new one could blossom.</p>
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<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>fam what's with all the fanfic updates today 😍</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Are you planning on staying for the celebration?" she asked him when he took his seat next to her at breakfast.</p><p>Eist's stay in Cintra spanned over a month now, which was so far the longest period of time he'd managed, and he didn't seem all too eager to leave yet. At least, he hadn't said anything about it to her. She also noticed then that he looked slightly disheveled, and was late for breakfast, too, and she suddenly wondered if — just possibly — he had a girl on the side in this castle. Not that it would bother her; if he had, he'd managed to be discreet enough about it that no word had reached her. She hoped it wasn't one of her ladies in waiting, she didn't want to lose another one to pregnancy.</p><p>"The celebration?"</p><p>"Our spring feast," she clarified.</p><p>From the sheepish look on his face she could tell he had forgotten about it until now. "It's alright," she sighed, "you don't have to attend."</p><p>"No, I think I will. You know," he began with a smirk, "that only yesterday I realised that as a husband I've never asked Her Majesty to a dance? Spring celebration would be a good occasion to remedy that."</p><p>"Don't bother," she replied dryly, "I don't dance."</p><p>"Pity."</p><p>The syllables trickled from his lips like whiskey, rich and subtle, and leaving her with an inexplicable feeling of heat. She was glad for Sir Danek stepping up towards the head table in that moment and sparing her from finding a response.</p><p>"Your majesties," he said with a bow almost as deep as his voice, "I'm sorry to disturb."</p><p>"You're not," Calanthe replied. "What can we do for you?"</p><p>"Your majesty, I come to ask your permission to train with the squires who will be invested as knights on spring feast day, for the martial games following the ceremony."</p><p>She gave him a skeptical look.</p><p>"Knights who are worried about embarrassing themselves? That doesn't sound very knightly to me."</p><p>Danek shifted a little. He was already rising through the ranks despite only being in his late twenties due to his discipline and dedication. He had a true knight's heart as well though, and would advocate for anyone who asked for help.</p><p>"No, your majesty, they just want to be prepared to the best of their abilities," he said earnestly, "so they will bring pride and honor to Cintra and their queen."</p><p>Calanthe gave him a half-hearted smile. She valued Danek's loyalty; it didn't convince her however that the boys weren't simply nervous about making fools of themselves in public. But, she supposed it was perfectly normal for young boys to be getting the jitters prior to such a big day, and if training would help them calm their nerves —</p><p>"Very well," she agreed. "Use the east yard. I believe the others have already been taken up for preparations."</p><p>Danek bowed deeply. "Thank you, your majesty."</p><p>"And, Sir Danek," she said before he turned to leave, "the king will join you. It seems the comfortableness of Cintran court is a little too becoming for him."</p><p>She was sure the offended expression on Eist's face aimed at her was only half feigned this time. Danek nodded briefly and then retreated rather hastily. Not out of fear, she was certain, but to give them privacy.</p><p>"I'd like to inform you that I'm in perfectly good shape," Eist quipped once the young man had disappeared.</p><p>"That midriff of yours says otherwise," she said airily as she focused on cutting the food on her plate. She was lying through her teeth, of course; he was looking rather fine, though she would never admit that out loud, but she hadn't slept well and felt irritated and hoped teasing him would lighten her mood.</p><p>She could feel his eyes on her for a moment, <em>assessing</em> her most likely, but she didn't turn her head to him. Eist leaned closer then, so close that his shoulder brushed hers.</p><p>"My queen is in no position to complain since she is the reason why I'm not engaging in the kind of physical exercise a husband would usually be engaging in."</p><p>Her eyes widened instantly and he would've earned himself more than just a threatening look in his direction if he hadn't purposefully spoken under his breath, conscious enough to keep it for her ears only. Still, she could've smacked him. Instead, she curved her mouth into a tight smile.</p><p>"There are other women in this castle, are there not?"</p><p>She watched his brows furrow, but — deciding she was not hungry anymore — didn't wait for his reply; instead she pushed her chair back and got up.</p><p>"Don't forget to meet with Danek in the east yard," she called over her shoulder.</p>
<hr/><p>Maybe she <em>had</em> been right, Eist figured after an hour of training and sparring with the young boys soon to be knights. He'd been in Cintra for almost five weeks now, which hadn't been a conscious choice, it just sort of... happened. Looking back he couldn't exactly say what he'd been doing, but one thing he knew: Life at court was slow, and he could feel the results now, after merely an hour of mediocre exercise where he'd already felt a drip of sweat on his brow. He also realised how much he'd missed getting his blood boiling.</p><p>Training with the boys also gave Eist time to think. Nearly unwittingly he executed his strikes, while his mind kept bringing back the queen's almost offhand comment at breakfast. <em>There are other women in this castle, are there not. </em>Not even Birna, his sister-in-law, looked approvingly upon her husband openly displaying his love affair with his mistress, and she was a woman as cold and calculating as one could imagine. If even a woman like her felt some sort of hurt from her husband's infidelity... . But Calanthe was no ordinary woman, and she played by her own rules. If anything, it only confirmed what she had been telling him all along — that this was a marriage of convenience, with foreseeable ending, and no emotional investment.</p><p>Another half an hour later, Danek decided the boys had trained enough for today. Once he'd excused them, Eist turned to Danek.</p><p>"Sir Danek, what say you to a friendly match?"</p><p>"I say that I would be honored, your majesty."</p><p>The man was a good fighter, Eist realised that soon. Danek had a strong arm and a good, straight-forward technique that made sparring with him more than worthwhile. After two rounds, Eist's shirt was soaked through and Danek's brow shimmered with sweat. Eist took a moment to breathe in the fresh air, still cool in the mornings and smelling of spring... well, as much as it was possible within a large city encircled by walls. They were about to get in position for the third round when something caught his attention, a bright red flicker in the corner of his eyes. It was then he realised they had company — Calanthe had appeared quietly to watch the match, standing on the top of the stairs leading into the courtyard, leaning against the wall with her arms crossed. The red rubies on her crown were shimmering in the sunlight.</p><p>Slowly, her eyes traveled over his form, taking in the dust on his pants, the sweat-soaked shirt, before finally landing on his face. As she met his eyes, her lips turned into a smirk and she raised her chin a little in a quiet challenge.</p><p>He accepted.</p><p>The third round was quicker and bolder than the ones before, each stroke with aim and purpose. Eist knew he had to finish this one fast, because what Danek lacked in experience, he made up in youth, and also, that lad was annoyingly broad. But Eist had what would make the difference — motivation. And his motivation was currently watching them with keen eyes. They should have been golden brown in the sunlight; instead, they were dark and hooded as they followed their match. Only in time did Eist raise his sword to block Danek's sword from colliding with his chest, and he reminded himself not to let himself get distracted during a fight.</p><p>He began a row of quick, incessant blows to Danek's middle, leaving the man with no other option but to block them without giving him a chance to get a strike in himself. Then, before the tenth blow, he changed his technique, quickly side stepping the man and aiming his final blow. The dull blade came to a halt centimeters from Danek's neck.</p><p>The man took a deep breath, and then laughed.</p><p>"Well played, my king, I'll have to remember that."</p><p>Eist shook his hand and went to the table which held a jug filled with water. He was in the middle of taking large gulps when somebody appeared by his side.</p><p>"That wasn't too shabby, actually." Calanthe was leaning casually against the edge of the table, a small smile playing around her lips.</p><p>"Well," Eist said as he turned to follow suit, "I couldn't allow this boy to beat me in front of my queen now, could I? I've been teased enough for today."</p><p>She hummed. "Are you ready to be teased some more?"</p><p>Calanthe pushed herself away from the table and turned, slowly walking backwards into the middle of the yard, and his face turned from confusion to an expression of understanding as he realised where this was going.</p><p>"My lord," she drawled, "care for a dance?"</p><p>His shirt was clinging to his torso, his breath had barely gone back to normal, but how could he have resisted.</p><p>Calanthe opened the front of her dress to reveal a shirt and a pair of pants underneath — she'd been prepared for this, of course she had — and pinned her braid up. Her crown she laid on the table next to the jug he'd been drinking from, before picking up a broad sword.</p><p>It began slowly, a few movements with their swords to test the waters; a quick attack and a simple block. With each stroke, however, the queen was growing bolder, sharper, and Eist had to put all his focus on staying alert, predicting her action.</p><p>He used a strategy of defense, reacting more than acting; and Calanthe was not having it.</p><p>"Come on," she prompted him, "is that all you've got?"</p><p>He merely grinned through gritted teeth, knowing she was trying to rile him up. Her eyes narrowed at him, and her next blow was so hard it made him actually stumble a few steps back. Eist didn't have time to be impressed because she was already going for another blow, and this time, he had to duck. His own eyes widened for a second, before his grip tightened around hilt of his sword, and the game changed.</p><p>The metallic sound of the dull blades crashing into each other echoed back from the walls, but he barely heard it, too loud was the blood drumming in his ears, as he blocked and countered each of Calanthe's attacks. She left him no time to think, so quick were her strikes, so he did the only thing he could: let his instincts take over, driving his every movement.</p><p>In one heartbeat of rash imprecision did Calanthe step too close to him, and he caught her arm holding the sword, his fingers curling around her wrist, and Eist was sure the fight was over — he should have known better, but he didn't, so the punch of her fist on his arm came unexpected to him. In a moment of surprise at the unforeseen attack, as well his surprise for the force of her punch, which left the muscle of his arm throbbing, he let go of her hand, and she used her entire body weight to push him backwards, before stumbling back herself, bringing distance between them.</p><p>They both took a moment to catch their breaths, chests heaving, their eyes locked on each other. Then she grinned, and it was all teeth. Her eyes were wild and <em>alive</em>, and the feeling was mirrored by the blood rushing in his ears, like waves breaking on cliffs. And for a second, he couldn't help but stare in awe.</p><p>So this was the lioness from the ballads, the Pride of Cintra, Rhena Victoria, The Girl who commanded an Army — if she'd been half the force back then that she was now, well...</p><p>The ballads had been right, she was devastating; and glorious.</p><p>Her grin widened, and then she pounced. If their fight had been fierce before, now it was feral. Looking back, Eist couldn't recount what had happened, but he knew that all it took was a second of carelessness. As he turned, the fist that was closed around the pommel of his sword connected with her ribs and he felt more than heard all air leaving her lungs as she was pushed down. He had only a second of wild concern, before he felt his own balance falter — while falling, she had linked her foot with his ankle and <em>pulled</em>. Combined with the momentum of his turn he found himself toppling.</p><p>In a last act of presence of mind, he stretched out his hands, breaking the fall with his forearms, and stopping himself from crushing her, too. He landed with his arms on both sides of her head. Where everything had happened very fast just moments ago, suddenly everything slowed down — he felt her chest heaving against his, shallow and irregular, saw the way her cheeks were flushed pink from the exertion and how her pupils were blown wide, noticed how her lips were slightly parted, her breath hot on his skin. His eyes snapped back up to meet hers, the realisation hitting him that he had been openly staring, and she had noticed.</p><p>"Are you planning to get up, my lord?" she asked him quietly.</p><p>He quickly jumped back on his feet, stretching out his hand to help her up, too. She winced slightly when she moved, and he remembered how hard he had hit her, causing her fall in the first place.</p><p>"You should go see a physician, about that," he said, awkwardly running a hand through his hair.</p><p>"Don't be so dramatic, it's nothing."</p><p>Her own hair was beginning to come loose from her braid, strands framing her face and falling over her shoulders, and there was a spot of dirt on her chin that he hadn't noticed before. He had to suppress the urge to reach out and brush it away.</p><p>"I know," he said. "Go see one, anyway? Please?"</p><p>"Fine," she drawled, putting her crown back on her ruffled hairdo with a raise of her eyebrow that held all the snark she hadn't put into her tone already. "I will see a physician, and <em>you</em>... should bath."</p><p>He watched her walk up the stairs back into the castle, her steps filled with a bounce that appeared surprisingly light-hearted.  </p>
<hr/><p>Eist took her advice and got cleaned up right after he was back in the castle, washing away sweat and dirt clinging to his skin. Afterwards, he went to see Calanthe. As he reached her door, he paused a moment before he knocked. There was no response at first, but then the door was opened by a servant. The first thing he saw was Calanthe, who was in the process of pulling on a dress that, for once, wasn't tightly fit around her torso.</p><p>"No corset for me for a few days," she explained when she noticed his gaze, "I seem to be sporting a pretty impressive bruise."</p><p>Her grin was wide when she said it but Eist suddenly felt sick to his stomach at her words. It must have shown on his face because the grin disappeared and was replaced by — was it anger?</p><p>"Don't you dare," she said lowly.</p><p>"I'm sorr—"</p><p>"No," she interrupted him, louder this time. "Don't you dare apologise now. Do you know how long it has been for someone to show me the respect of fighting against me and not holding back? Everyone else is too terrified of defeating their ruler, or hurting a woman, or both! Well, I have the heart of a king and the skill of a warrior and I deserve to be fought as such. So don't, Eist, don't ruin this perfectly good fight by apologising, all right?"</p><p>Eist looked at her for a moment, remembering the flush on her cheeks and the wild joy in her eyes when she was fighting, and he sighed.</p><p>"All right."</p><p>He walked towards the window and leaned against the wall, crossing his arms before mumbling, "That punch to my arm hurt, too, you know?"</p><p>"Don't be a baby about it," she smirked.</p><p>"I'm not!" he exclaimed defensively. "For someone so small you punch really hard!"</p><p>He saw her cheeks strain from her effort to suppress her smile, tilting her head away so he wouldn't notice, and a word shot through his head that he had never expected to associate with the Lioness of Cintra: <em>sweet.</em> She looked positively sweet. She could have gutted him alive merely an hour ago, and now her smile made his stomach flutter, and he didn't know which one was more dangerous.  </p><p>"So," he said into the silence, "about that dance on spring fe—"</p><p>"No."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>yes i had to google 25 ways to describe whisky, and i found out that: 'a rich whisky will have multiple layers and a complex presence' and 'a subtle whisky has an I-can’t-put-my-finger-on-it quality', &amp; i read that and was like "yep, perfect" :D</p><p>sorry for the time in between updates, i'm trying to be productive, but.. you know... *gestures vaguely*.... life<br/>if you're still sticking with me then know that i appreciate it very much 🧡</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>There was a time when the world had felt large. The hills had been mountains, streams - rivers, fields - continents — ready to be climbed, crossed, conquered. On the back of a horse, and the world at her feet.</p><p>Then, in the span of a year the world around her had changed. (No, not the world. Just her.) The hills had become hills, and when you climbed them, behind them lay nothing but more fields and hills. (and beneath them? Sweat, blood and bones.)</p><p>The outlines of a town appeared in the distance, clearly visible against the setting sun. Streaks of red were beginning to pour from the great orb, suffusing with the blue evening sky. Soon, there would be nothing left but red, before night claimed day.</p><p>Calanthe steadied her horse, bringing it to a halt. Behind her, a dozen people followed suit.</p><p>"We will stay there for tonight, and continue in the morning," she told Eist who had guided his own horse to stand by her side.</p><p>He looked ahead, towards the gathering of houses.</p><p>"What is the name of this town?"</p><p>"Hochebuz."</p>
<hr/><p>The mayor of the town welcomed them in his own home with a generous supper. At some point during the meal, a young man stepped up, all but armed with a harp and an officious expression. On the opposite side of the table, Eist saw Calanthe close her eyes for the briefest moment, before turning her attention to the mayor, who had risen from his seat.</p><p>"What an honor it is to welcome the Lioness, the great Queen Calanthe of Cintra, back to our humble town, who shares such grand history with our victorious queen, who once fought bravely against the southern threat and that we still remember, to this day, with great deference. Your majesty," he addressed Calanthe, "with your permission will our bard recite the Ballad of the Battle of Hochebuz."</p><p>The bard lifted his harp and began to sing. The first two verses were familiar to Eist, but he was surprised when the boy continued his song, following with three more and still not stopping after the fifth final chord had been struck.</p><p>"I didn't know the song had that many verses," he whispered to the person seated to his right, an old man with a kind face, furrowed like the bark of a tree.</p><p>"The original one only had three," the man replied quietly. "The others have been added later."</p><p>"How many are there now?"</p><p>"Nine, I believe. They're extending the official version with each royal visit."</p><p>Eist shot Calanthe another glance, who very much looked like a woman who had to sit through this occasion too often and with barely mustered tolerance, and chuckled.</p><p>"The queen humors us."</p><p>Eist turned his attention back to his seatmate and realised the man had followed his gaze. He was about to open his mouth, ready to explain the queen's ennui with the long journey they've had, but the man already continued, "Queen Calanthe was hardly bigger than the sword she's been holding that day, but over night, she became larger than life. What a battle — such a great victory, and such great tragedy alike."</p><p>"You were there." Eist suddenly felt foolish for not realising the obvious before now.</p><p>"Yes," the man said. "I was there when our enemies were defeated, and the fields outside this town were drenched in blood, turning the soil to mud. I helped clear the bodies away, when the crows gathered."</p><p>The old man turned to him suddenly and a bony hand clasped Eist's wrist with surprising strength. Gone was the image of a frail, kind grandfather — stormy grey eyes fixed Eist under their stare as the man leaned closer.</p><p>"The crows," he whispered, "they're flying south. You know what that means, don't you? Yes, I can see it in your eyes. They say where there are crows, there's death. Mark my words, your majesty. Doom will come when the crows return."</p><p>The forceful grip around his wrist loosened, but the tightness in Eist's chest remained, like a beast that had its teeth in him.</p>
<hr/><p>They continued their journey south around noon, to arrive at their destination before nightfall. After spending hours in a saddle, Eist almost regretted his decision to join the queen on her visit.</p><p>It had been three weeks ago that Eist had received a letter from Cintra, informing him that the queen and the king were invited to the fiefdom of Strept. He'd been in Skellige at that time after having spent another month at sea before that. Eist had promised Bran to travel to Kovir for him  but when Calanthe's letter arrived, he found himself almost glad to have been given a reason to return to Cintra — even when it included a journey on horseback that made him feel like he was suddenly inhabiting the body of a ninety year old elderly.</p><p>Lord Strept greeted them at the gate of the fortress. He was a calm and humble man, but not without charisma. Eist had met him a few times during a banquet or at court, and had since then decided that he liked the man. As for Lord Strept's brother, however... well, that turned out to be a different matter.</p><p>Almost as soon as they began with the feast, the lord's brother kept dancing attendance on Calanthe, to a point where Eist got positively annoyed by it. He hadn't <em>meant</em> to say it, couldn't even remember thinking those words, but when the man had started to remark how beautifully the queen's dress complimented her Eist had actually referred to Calanthe as <em>my wife</em>, with so much emphasis that after that, the man had shut up. His eyes flickered to Calanthe; she wasn't looking at him, gaze lowered as she was almost absentmindedly swaying the wine in her goblet, but around the corners of her mouth played a secret smile.  </p><p>And so the night went on, with talks of politics, agriculture, some gossip about people Eist had only heard of, and he was only half listening to the conversations, until —</p><p>"Strange tales coming from the south these days."</p><p>Eist perked up his ears at the words and turned to Lord Strept.</p><p>"What sort of tales?" he asked.</p><p>"There's a new usurper in Nilfgaard," the lord explained, "and word has it he's turning his gaze north."</p><p>"Nilfgaard," Calanthe laughed. "— is a pitiful excuse of a kingdom. It's a rat hole that would have already been cauterized long ago if the hassle was worth it. Lo, not even their neighbors have bothered! So let him gaze, my lord, let him gawk and covet. But if he's fool enough to cross Cintran border, I promise you, good sir, I'll crush them like nothing more than the pesky rats they are."</p><p>Lord Strept raised his tankard after her speech.</p><p>"All hail the Lioness!"</p><p>The words were echoed throughout the dining hall.</p><p>Eist, however, raised his own goblet in silence, too troubled by his thoughts and the feeling of unease settling in him.</p>
<hr/><p>The gathering had not yet been fully dissolved before he quietly excused himself. He did not retire immediately; instead he went outside, wandering along the wall of the castle. The only people he met where the guards on night duty. He came to a halt when he'd reached the part of the city facing south. It was too dark to see anything, no mountains were visible, nor much of anything else; it was dark and stark quiet. And yet —</p><p>When he returned to the lord's home, the voices had died down, and he supposed that finally everyone had gone to bed. He went to his own chamber then, mindful to make no noise as he walked through the corridors and entered his room. It was sparsely lit, and he moved across towards the table to light another candle.</p><p>"Hey stranger."</p><p>He nearly jumped out of his skin at the unexpected sound coming from a room that was supposed to be empty apart from him.</p><p>"Fuck," he breathed, shooting Calanthe a dark look, who was currently sitting on the end of his bed.</p><p>"Sorry," she grinned. "I let myself in."</p><p>"I can see that," he laughed under his breath. He took off his belt which carried a dagger, too, and placed it over the back of a chair. There was a decanter with water-diluted wine on the table and he poured himself a mug.</p><p>"More wine?" he turned with his question to Calanthe, but then squinted his eyes at her. Her cheeks looked suspiciously flushed. "— or maybe not."</p><p>"I'm not drunk," she deadpanned.</p><p>Eist studied her, but with her it <em>was</em> hard to tell.  He wordlessly reached into his pocket and pulled out a single coin from it, which he then tossed in her direction. She caught it easily with one hand.</p><p>"Impressive," he admitted. "I concede, either you're not drunk, or your reflexes are freakishly good."</p><p>"Both," she grinned, before she lowered her gaze to the coin, rolling the piece back and forth between her fingers with a contemplative look. "You know," she said slowly, and a wicked glint appeared in her eyes, "you don't have to pay me... if you want me... you could just ask."</p><p>Eist let out another curse under his breath, if only to hide the fact that his ears had begun to burn.</p><p>"And that's all the tell I need," he announced. "I believe it's time for a good night's sleep, your majesty."</p><p>"No," she said, getting up from the bed to walk over to a chair and let herself gracefully drop into it. "Not before you tell me where you disappeared to."</p><p>"I went for a walk."</p><p>He took a seat in the other chair, figuring this might take a while. Had there ever been a more stubborn creature than her, he wondered.</p><p>"Yes, I noticed you were awfully broody tonight," she continued. "Don't tell me Lord Strept's words got you spooked."</p><p>Eist's fingers drummed quietly on the wooden surface of the table, a mindless pattern, barely audible even in the silence of the room.</p><p>"It's the second expression of warning I have heard since we began our journey," he finally said, "on two different occasions."</p><p>"What kind of warnings?"</p><p>"Lord Strept only confirmed what I have been told in Hochebuz, that there are signs of unrest in the south. The crows —"</p><p>"Oh Eist," she interrupted him with a sigh. "You put too much faith in omens and shadows."</p><p>There was no contempt in her voice, but even then was he surprised that her words didn't bother him, did not stir any feelings of resentment or irritation, and he remembered how differently he would have felt only two years ago.</p><p>"It's not just superstition, crows follow the scent of flesh and decay."</p><p>"Sounds like Nilfgaard on an ordinary day," she muttered quietly, and Eist almost laughed because <em>no, there could not be anyone more stubborn than this woman</em>. She'd be defiant in the face of Godfather Death himself on the day he'd come knocking, and he wanted to scream at how infuriatingly stubborn she was, but hell if Eist wasn't ready to hold off that final day for as long as he could.</p><p>"Tell me, Calanthe," he said, "what do you put your faith in?"</p><p>She looked at him for a long time, but when she spoke, her voice was firm and held no hesitation or doubt.</p><p>"Me."</p><p>Swifter than his brain could register, Calanthe had gotten up, and with a movement as quiet and smooth as a feline pounce, she straddled him, bracing herself with her hands on the back of his chair. His own hands flew to her hips, and when she leaned closer he tightened his grip, pushing her away ever so slightly, trying to ignore the feeling of softness beneath his palms.</p><p>"We shouldn't," he said, hating how breathless he suddenly sounded.</p><p>"Why the fuck not?" she retorted, and the words prickled hot on his skin. "We're married, this is the one case where two people customarily <em>should</em>."</p><p>It was hard to think when his head seemed all but flooded with sensations, sensations that he tried not to notice; (like the heat of her skin, palpable even through the layers of clothing, the comfortable weight of her, how well his hands fit around the curves of her waist —)</p><p>"You said you didn't want this," he tried again.</p><p>"I changed my mind," Calanthe shrugged. "If we gotta live the tedious politics of marriage, we might just as well enjoy the perks." His brain told him that her argument seemed very reasonable, but his brain was also an idiot right now.</p><p>"Of course," Calanthe continued, "if you don't want to," she began to shift as if to extract herself from him, "I'm sure Lord Strept's brother wouldn't complai —"</p><p>His grip on her hips tightened before he knew what he was doing, his muscles moving on their own accord. It took him another moment to realise what had happened, but then he noticed her face, and the penny dropped and it sounded like the <em>snap</em> of a mousetrap.</p><p>Calanthe smirked.</p><p><em>That's what I thought; </em>she didn't have to say the words out loud.</p><p>Their eyes locked for a moment, and then she leaned forward and kissed him.</p><p>As soon as he felt her lips on his, he knew he was a lost cause. She was warm and soft and greedy, the tip of her tongue silently commanding his lips to part so she could deepen the kiss, and he let her, let her devour him, come over him like a holy rite — was he sheep or worshipper, he did not know — and his own hands traveled up, from her hips over her ribcage, barely grazing her breasts, before cupping her jaw.</p><p>"Calanthe," he murmured against her lips when she paused for breath, but she ignored him and kissed him again, all teeth and heat.</p><p>He wanted to ask her if she was sure, if she knew what she was doing, but the thoughts came and went with the sound of blood drumming in his ears, and when she shifted on his lap and let out a soft sigh, his resolve began to melt like warm butter on one's tongue.</p><p>She only broke the kiss to mutter the words <em>"Bed. Now."</em> in his ear and who was he to disobey. It couldn't have looked graceful, the way she impatiently undid the laces on her dress, the way he almost tripped over a chest on the floor as he walked backwards, both unwilling to break away from each other for too long. Finally, they reached the bed and she pushed him down on it, his back hitting the mattress with a soft <em>hmph</em> and he felt the bed dip as she came to kneel over him, hands on his chest and in a brief moment of calm he reached up to remove the pin holding her hair together, too, watched in awe as her chestnut brown waves fell over her shoulders. His thumb brushed over her jaw.</p><p>"I don't want you to regret this," he whispered.</p><p>Only Calanthe would literally straddle a man wearing next to nothing and roll her eyes at him.</p><p>"I won't, now shut up."</p><p><em>Make me. </em>The silent plea must have been visible in his eyes because her own darkened and she quickly undid his breeches before she lowered herself down on him.</p><p>Calanthe fucked like she fought, with the raw and untamable force of the sea, swallowing man or ship however she pleases, stripping them to the bones, leaving nothing but god-fearing awe. He tried at one point to flip them, but she was not having it, pinning him back on the mattress with both hands around his wrists. He might have claimed her in words earlier, but she was claiming him now, entirely, and with purpose. She commanded the storm and the sea and ever fiber of his body and in this moment, as pleasure came over him like thunder, he wouldn't have wanted it any other way.</p><p>Afterwards she rolled off him, eyes closed and a lazy smile playing around her lips as both her and he waited for their breathing to go back to normal. Eist felt the sweat on his body dry, suddenly turning cool from the air around them and he thought about getting up and lighting a fire when Calanthe next to him stirred.</p><p>"You're not staying," he realised as he watched her get up and pull her dress on.</p><p>"No, I should be going back," she replied before coming over to the bed, turning her back to him. "Can you tie these back up?"</p><p>He helped her redo the laces of her dress. When he was done, she turned to him.</p><p>"Thank you for tonight," she said, and then, after the briefest moment of hesitation, leaned forward and pressed a kiss to the corner of his mouth.</p><p>"Sleep well, Eist."</p><p>"You too," he replied, watching her swiftly leave the room before falling back on the mattress — all worries from tonight nothing more than a strange little creature at the back of his mind, as sleep claimed him quickly.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I see your friendship and I raise you, friendship with benefits *finger guns*</p><p>also, this chapter does not represent the author's opinion on crows, who, in her actual opinion, are sweethearts</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Looking back on that night in Strept, Calanthe had now come to a few realisations: Had she been entirely sober? Definitely not. Did she let her bold, stubborn nature get the better of her? Probably. Was she regretting her actions from that night? No — and it was the last fact that she truly was surprised about.</p><p>Sure, she had <em>told</em> Eist that she wouldn't regret it, but she had only said that so he would stop trying to be so honorable and give in to what she wanted in that moment.</p><p>
  <em>You go after what your heart wants but you should also remember to bring your head. </em>
</p><p>Her mother had said those words to her often, tapping the tip of Calanthe's nose with her forefinger, while her father had laughed and argued that his daughter had all the head she needed on her shoulders, and if she got herself into trouble with it, she'd figure out how to get out of it, too.</p><p>When she fell into her bed after returning to her own guest chambers, and the reality of the line she'd crossed began to sink in, she wondered how she would get herself out of this one without making a big mess out of it.</p><p>Maybe she should have known she needn't have worried.</p><p>The next morning, as well as the days after, Eist did neither push her to have 'a talk' about what had happened, nor did he suddenly give any indication that he expected her to repeat their encounter. It seemed like he had decided to wait and see how she handled it, and conform to that. This way, they ended up with something like a silent agreement between them that what had happened in Strept would remain an unexpected, one time incident.</p><p>Until it happened again.</p><p>Barely two weeks later, on the eve before Eist was to set out for Skellige. Calanthe had gone to pay him a visit in his chambers, for old tradition's sake; and she'd brought her head with her, this time even a sober one.</p><p>Sober or not, she still got crushed at Tafl once again, which was really beginning to gnaw at her ego; but then she looked up and saw him watching her with fond amusement and a smile, and looking at his mouth brought back all kinds of memories. Whatever he saw on her face must have given away where her mind had arrived at, because his own eyes visibly darkened and this time he didn't try to stop her. Maybe he had wanted for it to happen again the same way she realised she must have when she'd pulled him into a kiss, and into his bed.</p><p> </p><p>And just like that, what had begun as a routine to keep up the pretense of marital intimacy turned into a routine of... well, marital intimacy — but without the intimacy, and the maritalness of it felt questionable, too. Sex in her previous marriage had been nothing like this. But that could only be a good thing, she supposed. It hadn't been unpleasant, it had just not been pleasant, either.</p><p>Now, it was; almost inconveniently so.</p>
<hr/><p>Eist came to Cintra often during this summer, and many hours were spent in the gardens with Pavetta, telling her all sorts of adventures and stories that he brought back from home, tales of boys fighting giants, of mermaids falling in love with fisher girls, of gods and goddesses and mystical sea creatures. That was where she spotted them, too, on a late summer's afternoon, sitting on a bench beneath a magnolia tree.</p><p>They seemed so engrossed in an animated conversation that Calanthe almost felt bad for interrupting — almost.</p><p>She cleared her throat. The expressions on her daughter's and Eist's faces mirrored each other perfectly, going from surprise to realisation to guilt. Pavetta quickly jumped up from the bench, saying something to Eist before setting off.</p><p>"Sorry, mother," the girl called as she sprinted past her, "I forgot the time!"</p><p>Calanthe sighed as she watched Pavetta making her way up the stairs — the girl's geography tutor would not be pleased with her tardiness.</p><p>"It's not the kid's fault," Eist said as he fell into step beside her. "I distracted her."</p><p>"Oh I believe you. It seems like I must find a governess for each of you respectively, since you and my daughter both won't behave like adults." She looked around, noticing the absence of the woman in question. "Where is Pavetta's governess anyway?"</p><p>Eist cleared his throat, suddenly looking rather sheepish.</p><p>"I told her to take a nap."</p><p>Calanthe halted abruptly, meeting his gaze when he turned around with a disbelieving look on her face and her hands on her hips.</p><p>"She was really tired," he explained, arms spread in a defensive gesture.</p><p>Calanthe closed her eyes for a moment, pressing her lips together which began as an expression of exasperation and turned into silent laughter that made her shoulders tremble, before she shook her head.</p><p>"You two have really found each other, haven't you?" <em>Heads in the clouds and hearts in the right place</em>, she thought. "So tell me, what story have you told my Pavetta this time?"</p><p>They continued their stroll, leading through a passage with large bushes on both sides, blooming in lilac and blue and white.</p><p>"The princess in the tower," Eist replied. "It's about —"</p><p>"— let me guess, a girl who's locked up in a tower. By... her evil stepmother?"</p><p>"Not quite, but close," he grinned. "She's kept there by her parents for protection and she's guarded by a dragon, to spend the rest of her days in that tower, until one day a brave and dashing knight comes to her rescue."</p><p>"Of course," Calanthe snorted. "Sounds perfectly cliché. For all you know maybe she didn't even need to be rescued."</p><p>Eist arched one brow at her. "Oh, you think she liked being stuck up there?"  </p><p>"Sure, what's not to like?" she replied with feigned seriousness, "Sweet pet, nice view… no one bothering you? Sounds like a treat."</p><p>Eist stopped in their tracks again to turn to her, and she felt his fingers brush hers as he murmured with a smirk, "I could find you a nice tower, your majesty. But I think you would grow rather bored."  </p><p>His thumb was drawing circles on her wrist that sent a tingling through her body and she suddenly realised they were still standing in the gardens — shielded by the elder bushes, but very much out in the open nevertheless. Memories of the other day shot through her head, where they had somehow ended up making out in the stables. She knew they had gone there with the specific purpose of choosing a horse as a wedding gift for Eist's niece, and yet from one to the next moment she'd found herself with her back pressed against the stable wall and his mouth on her neck, her own hands entangled in his hair. In the end, it wasn't even her who'd stopped it, but the sudden appearance of one of the stable boys. And she'd <em>blushed</em>, like some silly farm girl that got caught sneaking around with the hired hand by her father. Despite Eist later reassuring her that the boy hadn't noticed anything, she'd decided that from now on she did not even want to take the risk.</p><p>"You're right," she said, "I would grow bored," and gently pulled her hand from his grasp.</p>
<hr/><p>The sun was beginning to set, streaks of orange light falling through the window when Calanthe got up from the bed to gather her clothes. The muscles in her thighs ached — an inconvenience she willingly accepted as the price for being on top. She preferred it that way, being the one to set the pace and not feeling caged or smothered. Eist was the first man she'd been with who had never pushed her into a position she did not want to be in, who seemed to genuinely enjoy it even, and for that she was grateful.</p><p>She was slipping her linen shift on when she noticed his eyes on her, watching her with a soft expression.</p><p>"What?" she asked.</p><p>He smiled but shook his head.</p><p>"Nothing."</p><p>"Hmph," she replied. "I know I look a mess."</p><p>Her hair, which had previously been held up by a braid, had begun to come loose, falling in disheveled strands over her shoulders. She tried pinning some of it back up while she was looking for her kirtle. She spotted it sticking out halfway from under the bed, and she was reaching for it when she heard Eist speak up.</p><p>"Do you want to come to my niece's wedding with me?"</p><p>She slowly straightened herself back up with a frown.</p><p>He'd sat up properly now, and she lowered her chin quickly, instead focusing her attention on putting on her dress so she could stall for time and avoid meeting his gaze. His voice might not have betrayed the sliver of hope in his question, but his eyes had, and she did not know what to do with it. She would have declined immediately, but now she felt strangely reluctant to do so. "How long would it be?"</p><p>"Only a few days," he replied quickly. "Just for the wedding, and the day after; maybe two, that's up to you. Then I would take you back to Cintra... and Pavetta, if you want her to come along. I think she would like it," he added carefully.</p><p>Calanthe nodded. He was right, Pavetta had been eager to see the islands, inspired by all the stories she's heard, and she would probably be excited to be allowed to go.</p><p>"And your family would be alright with it?"</p><p>"Yes. It was my sister, actually, who told me to invite you. She's been bugging me about bringing you to Skellige for a while now," he explained with a smile. "Ingrid says it's the proper thing to do, but I think she's just curious to meet you."</p><p>She returned his smile, half-heartily.</p><p>Eist must have noticed because his face turned more serious again.</p><p>"If you don't wish to come, that's alright. No hard feelings, I promise."</p><p>"I'll think about it, okay?"</p><p>"Of course," he said. She saw him running a hand through his hair, and bit her lip. It was terribly mussed from her grasps. Somehow she couldn't stop herself from burying her fingers in it when they were close; (and what was that about?)</p><p>"You're not afraid of getting seasick, are you?" Eist asked, suddenly.</p><p>"What?" she exclaimed. "No!"</p><p>He was grinning now, completely unaffected by her glare (and that was what happened when you slept with a man, she thought to herself). His grin combined with the still damp curls falling over his forehead gave him a boyish look that made it hard for her to stay mad at him.</p><p>"I'll think about it," she repeated with a pointed look.</p><p>"Good," he said, eyes still twinkling.</p><p>Her hand was already closed around the doorknob when he said her name.</p><p>"Calanthe?" His voice was softer now. "I'd be glad if you came."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter 11</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Eist would have had to lie to say he wasn't surprised when Calanthe announced two days later that her and Pavetta would accompany him to the wedding on Skellige. From the moment the kid learned that she would be coming with them, she hadn't stopped beaming.</p><p>It was a small party setting out for Skellige — Calanthe, Pavetta, some of her servants, his ship's crew, the druid Mousesack and himself.</p><p>The sea was calm under a cloudless blue sky, and Eist could not have hoped for better conditions, because a storm he could have dealt with, but not Calanthe's mood if her daughter had ended up falling over the railing. She was already watching them with hawk eyes as he showed the girl around the ship — a protectiveness lurking right beneath the surface, ready to jump out with its teeth bared at any given moment. Eist had to hide his smile, not out of condescension but with a hint of amusement that Calanthe didn't trust an element that was so much like herself. </p><p>They arrived in Skellige around noon, which gave everyone enough time to clean up and prepare for the wedding that was to take place in the late hours of the day.</p><p>It was a lovely ceremony, followed by a feast in the great hall. The banquet was opened by King Bran giving a speech to congratulate the newlyweds, and to welcome his brother and the Queen of Cintra to Skellige. Eist and Calanthe were seated at the head table next to the king, while Pavetta had been placed with his sister's children. At some point, however, the crowd began to mingle, tables were composed and recomposed, and everyone moved where their heart or thirst took them. Eist had been torn for a moment between not wanting to leave Calanthe on her own and his wish to leave his seat at the head table and instead find a place among his people. But Calanthe seemed as sovereign as ever as she talked to his brother. Her voice, Eist noticed, was the one she specifically employed for court business, when she talked to ambassadors and subjects and foreign rulers — all confident drawl. So while Calanthe was engaged in conversation, he got up to join his fellow countrymen.</p><p>As much as he had grown accustomed to Cintra, had begun to like it even, at least parts of it, Skellige still felt like home and it was good to be among people who spoke the same language, both literally and figuratively. His eyes still flickered to the high table from time to time, checking in to see how Calanthe was doing.</p><p>Then he let them wander around the hall, until they found what he was looking for. Pavetta was sitting a few tables further down, surrounded by a group of teenagers. Quiet spirit that she was, she was no match for the Skelligen tempers, which were wild and bold and boisterous, and in conversation the word belonged to the one who yelled loudest. And yet, as she was sitting among at least twelve such tempers, the princess, Eist noted with surprise, didn't seem uncomfortable at all. She followed the conversations of the other kids with interest, and Eist was relieved to see that the other kids did not exclude her either. On the contrary, while not exactly waiting for a response from her they seemed to talk about or to Pavetta often, and the girl next to her had laid her arm around her shoulder at some point. Maybe that was the key, Eist mused — making the quiet kid feel included without pressuring her to be in the spotlight. His heart felt much lighter, knowing that Pavetta was in good hands.</p><p>The sound of rustling clothes interrupted his thoughts and when he turned, he saw that his sister had taken the empty spot next to him.</p><p>"Hey," she said with a bright smile.</p><p>"Hey," he grinned back. He hadn't had a chance to properly talk to her yet since he arrived, only seeing her briefly before and during the wedding ceremony. "Congratulations Inga, the first one's off your hands, only two more to go."</p><p>Ingrid slapped his arm lightly.</p><p>"Don't make jokes about it, I'm already dreading the day when all my chicks have left the nest."</p><p>He squeezed her hand sympathetically, but teased, "Don't you worry, it'll take Crach twice as long to get there," and both of them turned to look at the boy in question, who was currently engaged in a bet on how many meatballs he could fit into his mouth.</p><p>They watched him with half-amused, half-bewildered fascination.</p><p>"If he wasn't the splitting image of his father," Ingrid said dryly, "I would be worried I accidentally tripped and had a leprechaun father this child."</p><p>Eist barked out a laugh.</p><p>"Princess Pavetta seems to fit right in," his sister noted fondly. "She's such a sweet child, so modest and polite. Quite different from her mother, huh?"</p><p>Eist instinctively shot a look to where Calanthe was sitting and was briefly startled to see her frowning. Then he realised why — Birna, Bran's wife, must have left the feast some time ago, and her chair was now taken up by the king's mistress. Eist had known them for a while now, and he knew neither of them was very tactful in their display. Calanthe was trying to hide her irritation, but Eist has spent enough time with her to recognise the signs, even if they were subtle. She'd told him more than once that she did not mind extramarital relations if kept discreet, so he supposed it was the brashness presented to her now that bothered her.</p><p>"You know what Mousesack always says," he responded absentmindedly, "the apple never falls far from the tree."</p><p>His sister hummed in agreement.</p><p>Their attention snapped back to the kids' table when the sound of Crach vehemently coughing carried through the room. Ingrid got up from the bench then with a determined look.</p><p>"I believe that's my cue to send them all to bed," she announced and marched off towards the teenagers. Eist chuckled to himself. She'd ordered her brothers and their friends around when she was just a child herself and she'd only gained in intimidating authority over the years. Calanthe must have noticed the shenanigans, too, because she'd gotten up from her seat and had already made her way over to the group. Between the Lioness of Cintra and his sister none of the youngsters found the nerve to put up much of a fight, and soon they scattered, albeit reluctantly.</p><p>He saw the two women exchange a few words, before Calanthe took her own daughter's hand, no doubt wanting to make sure she found her way to her bedchambers safely, and without any detours.</p><p>His sister came back to the table he was sitting at afterwards, this time taking a seat on the opposite side, bringing back two full tankards of beer with her. </p><p>"So," she reopened the conversation while sliding him a beer, "tell me, dear brother, are the rumors true?"</p><p>"What rumors?"</p><p>"That you seem to have grown quite fond of Cintra."</p><p>He shrugged. "It's not too bad."</p><p>"And that you've really taken a liking to the princess — "</p><p>He hummed in agreement.</p><p>"— and to her mother."</p><p>Eist's head snapped up.</p><p>"Where you hear that from?"</p><p>"Mousesack," she said lightly.</p><p>"Of course," he muttered. "Blabbermouth, bastard. What has he told you?"</p><p>"This and that," she replied vaguely with a secretive smile and Eist cursed under his breath.</p><p>"It's not entirely his fault," Ingrid said, "I had to pry it out of him."</p><p>"No, you didn't."</p><p>"No, I didn't," she grinned and Eist snorted.</p><p>"So is it true?"</p><p>Eist didn't respond right away, because he still did not know what exactly Mousesack had told his sister. Most likely was that the druid had simply noticed that Eist was spending a lot more time in Cintra now, and that him and Calanthe were on friendlier terms than before. But there was also the possibility that they hadn't been as discreet as they'd wanted to be, and someone had noticed that they'd been allowing themselves suggestive banter and secret touches here and there when they thought no one was looking. Eist knew that the queen was not comfortable with public displays of affection, worried how it would change the way her subjects perceived her, their invincible queen, stronger than the walls surrounding their city.</p><p>"I consider her a friend now," he said finally, which was nothing but the truth.</p><p>His sister nodded, and didn't push him further.</p><p>It was getting late, and the Islanders, now considerably drunk and brazen, seemed to have lost what small amount of inhibition they've had, so when the Queen of Cintra returned to the hall she somehow ended up at a table not far from where Eist and Ingrid were sitting, being entangled into a conversation that most likely included a lot of crude jokes and way too personal questions.</p><p>"Should we come to her rescue?" Ingrid asked, watching the scene seemingly torn between amusement and concern, but Eist shook his head.</p><p>"Trust me, she doesn't need it. Calanthe gives as good as she gets."</p><p>And indeed, as one of the men, a tall broad-shouldered guy with flaxen hair who had been sliding closer to Calanthe by the minute, opened his mouth to make another comment, Calanthe's lips turned into a smile that Eist recognised for what it was: The split second before she was going in for the kill.</p><p>He could not hear what she said, but the men around her roared with laughter while the flaxen haired man turned beet red. Obviously satisfied, Calanthe reached for her mug to take a sip. Their eyes met across the hall and she gave him a quick, triumphant raise of her eye brows that made him grin.</p><p>He picked up his own beer then, taking a generous gulp from it. When he put it back down he felt his sister's eyes on him, studying him with a contemplative expression that held a hint of astonishment.</p><p>"What?"</p><p>She never got the chance to reply because that was the moment he noticed the change of activities on the table across from them which apparently included setting up a drinking game, and Eist, being only too aware of Calanthe's stubborn and competitive nature when challenged, decided that now was a good time to intervene.</p>
<hr/><p>Calanthe was a little annoyed on their way to her quarters, but when he told her he hadn't been worried about her not being capable of holding her own but starting a brawl on her first night here by drinking them all under the table she seemed appeased... a little.</p><p>He led her to the chambers Bran had chosen for her. They were beautifully furnished, their windows facing the mainland, somewhere far, far in the distance, behind miles of ocean. The sound of waves crashing against the cliffs was clearly audible even through the closed windows, deep and steady, rumbling like thunder.</p><p>Eist went to check on the fireplace, the nights beginning to turn colder now as fall approached, while Calanthe busied herself with taking off her jewelry.</p><p>From his place by the fire he heard her curse under her breath, and when he turned he saw her struggling with the clasp of her necklace.  </p><p>"Here, let me," he said, stepping over to her. His hand brushed hers as he reached out to help with it. When it was unclasped, Calanthe took the necklace from him and placed it on the dressing table. Eist moved on to unfasten the strings on the back of her dress for her, slowly, his fingers trained for less delicate and nimble tasks.</p><p>"You know, my handmaidens are a lot more efficient at this."</p><p>He paused, a smile tugging at the corner's of his mouth at her playful taunt before leaning down, overcome by a sudden impulse, to press a kiss to the nape of her neck.</p><p>"Well, I'm appreciating it more," he murmured quietly and felt her shiver as his lips grazed over her skin, wandering to the spot right behind her ear to place a single kiss there, too. Her hair was still pinned up in a braid apart from a few wisps which he gently brushed away with his hand and she tilted her head to the side which he took as all the encouragement he needed to continue, almost blindly opening the rest of her laces.</p><p>The moment he reached the last row, Calanthe pushed her dress off her shoulders and let it pool to the floor, wasting no time before turning around and pulling him into a kiss. It was a hungry kiss, impatient; and when she staggered back and collided with the edge of the table with a soft <em>thud </em>she lifted herself on top of it in one swift motion. He quickly pushed the skirts of her shift up while her hands fumbled with the fastener of his trousers, before he stepped between her knees.</p><p>The sound of the table creaking got swallowed by the rolling of the waves.</p><p>Neither of them lasted long, and her cries were muffled by his shirt when she buried her face in the curve of his neck.</p><p>Afterwards, she let her forehead rest on his shoulder while she waited for her breath to grow even. His own eyes were closed, his senses only coming back to him bit by bit — the sound of the waves and of her breathing, the feeling of her hair tickling his chin, the floral scent of it — Eist got startled when she suddenly stirred and lightly pushed him a few steps back to make room so she could hop off the table. "Unlace this cursed thing for me," she groaned and turned around on the spot.</p><p>Eist realised then that she was still very much wearing her corset and he quickly reached out to untie the garment. When the last string had come loose she took a deep breath, hands pushing against her ribs and exhaled a <em>"much better".</em></p><p>He took the piece of clothing and threw it over the back of a chair.</p><p>Calanthe was in the middle of picking out the pins holding her hair up when she tilted her head to him with a strange expression on her face. "You can stay if you want." Her tone was noncommittal, markedly detached, almost distracting him from her <em>words.</em> "The bed's big enough," she added with a shrug and turned her attention back to untying her braid, before slipping under the covers.</p><p>Eist simply stood there for a moment, letting her unexpected invitation sink in. But then he changed into his own nightshirt and crawled into bed next to her. He did not reach for her, and neither did she, but he felt the warmth radiating off her body and he fell asleep to the soft sounds of her breathing.</p>
<hr/><p>He awoke very early in the morning, the sky still dark. Calanthe was asleep next to him, her chest rising with shallow breaths. This was the first time they'd spent the night in the same bed and he found himself with a sense of wonderment because he had never imagined how delicate she could look, when all the tension and worries and well-practiced haughtiness had drained away from her face.</p><p>He reached out and gently tucked a strand of hair back behind her ear, the tip of his finger grazing her skin just lightly, mindful not to wake her.</p><p>The fire was almost out, he noticed, and cool air was beginning to creep through the cracks of the window frames. Rising carefully from the bed, he leaned over to pull the blankets tighter around her and put on his pants before leaving the chamber to go and fetch some more wood from the storage.</p><p>He was making his way down a corridor when his eyes fell through a window and he recognised a small figure, sitting on the beach, the light coming from an upper window reflecting on her silver-blonde hair.</p><p>His original quest forgotten, Eist quickly made his way outside, down the stairs and towards the person.</p><p>"Why are you up, kid?"</p><p>He'd kept his voice low and soft, but Pavetta got startled anyway, before she realised who it was.</p><p>"Couldn't sleep," she murmured as Eist sat down next to her. "Why are you up?"</p><p>"Couldn't sleep," he echoed her words with a smile.</p><p>They sat side by side for a few minutes, a light breeze coming from the ocean, bringing the taste of salt and seaweeds.</p><p>"It's so dark out there," Pavetta said into the silence. "I can hear the waves, but..." she trailed off. "Do you travel at night, too? With your ships?"</p><p>"Of course," he replied.</p><p>"How?" she asked, looking at him with bewilderment.</p><p>Eist let his eyes wander over the sea, before raising them upwards. "It may be dark down here but you can never get lost at night when there's an open sky above your head; it is like a lighthouse. Look," he said, pointing towards one cluster of tiny lights flickering on the firmament, "do you see that group of stars over there, that look like a cross, little bit tilted to one side? That's called the Southern Cross, and if you find that, you've found the south. And over there," he got up and turned around, Pavetta following his suit, "is the Big Dipper. Do you see it? The last two stars forming the bowl point you right to the North Star."</p><p>"Oh," Pavetta murmured, eyes shining with astonishment as she marveled at the night sky. "I always thought that the stars looked pretty, I never knew they were so much more than that."</p><p>Eist smiled softly. "Follow the stars and they'll always guide you back home."</p><p>"Home," the girl muttered, and Eist frowned at how bitter she suddenly sounded. It was such an unfamiliar tone on her. "I don't know if I wish to go home."</p><p>Eist's forehead prickled from the tension created from knitting his brows.</p><p>"You can always come back here to visit," he replied carefully.</p><p>"I suppose," Pavetta said flatly. "But only for two more years, right? Then I'll be married off to god knows who, and you'll leave Cintra forever to become King of Skellige."</p><p>Eist did not know how to respond.</p><p>Dawn was breaking and, one by one, the stars began to fade into the greys and blues of twilight, their own light being drowned by the promise of a new day.</p><p>"Come on," he said finally, squeezing the girl's shoulder, "let's get back inside."</p><p> </p><p>He brought the girl back to her room before returning to his own. When he entered, he found Calanthe still asleep. No sleep came for him though, so he lay awake, listening to the sounds of her soft breathing, until the first morning light fell through the window.</p>
<hr/><p>Ingrid accompanied them to the docks to bid them farewell and to wish them a safe and easy journey. She curtsied for Calanthe, but also squeezed her hand briefly, then she gave Pavetta a small kiss on the forehead, before finally saying goodbye to Eist. She hugged him tightly, and he returned it in kind. When she pulled away, she smiled at him.</p><p>"Bon voyage, dear brother. Take good care, alright? And take care of your family, too," she said with a glance to Calanthe and her daughter, who were already boarding the ship.</p><p>"Of course," he replied without thinking. It took him another moment to realise why Ingrid looked at him with that expression, the one that said she understood, too much.</p><p>"I —" he began, but his sister cut him off with another quick hug.</p><p>"You should tell her how you feel."</p><p>Her voice was merely a whisper in his ear, and when she pulled back, he wasn't even certain he'd heard it at all. It could have been the wind, if she hadn't given him a last sympathetic smile before she stepped back, and it was time for him to board the ship, too.</p><p>The last thing he saw of Skellige was his sister waving them goodbye.</p><p> </p><p>The weather was hazy and grey as they made their way back across the water towards the kingdom of Cintra. There were only a few of his men on deck; most people had gone inside of the ship, where it was warmer and dry. Pavetta had gone, too, probably still tired from not sleeping through the night, and experiencing the glum feeling of farewells.</p><p>He found Calanthe at the stern of the ship. She looked lost in thought, and he was hesitant to approach her until she raised her head and noticed him, giving him a small smile so that he stepped to her side. </p><p>They didn't speak for a while, Calanthe's gaze fixed on the waves, lapping and rippling around the walls of the ship, while his own wandered to her face ever so often.</p><p>"The islands are quite nice," she said finally. "Beautiful, actually. I can see now why you love them so."</p><p>Warmth filled his chest, flooding with a sudden rush of affection that hit him with such force he almost startled.</p><p>"Calanthe?"</p><p>"Yes?"</p><p>He looked into her eyes, brown and round and so <em>open, </em>letting him in more than he ever thought she would, a friendship built with such tender care, and just as easily wrecked; and in the last moment he changed his mind.</p><p>"Nothing," he shook his head with a forced smile. "It's nothing."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>if you're still putting up with me, thank you from the bottom of my tender bi heart 🌹</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Chapter 12</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The most important lesson Eist had learned in all the years he'd spent in this world was that, no matter how hard man tried, there were a great many things in life that did not bow to his laws. Man could not tell the sun to shine more, could not tell the winds to blow less, could not ask for rain or a safe journey, a son or a daughter.</p><p>No matter how hard man tried to control his existence on this earth, to claim absolute power, at the end of the day they were all pawns to a higher authority — gods, destiny, the untamable forces of nature, whatever one wanted to call it.</p><p>Eist had chosen long ago not to fight what could not be fought. You did not travel the sea by battling the waves, but by learning to navigate them; to willingly give in to a constant interplay of forces, one powerful and unyielding, the other adaptable and persevering.  </p><p>And Calanthe was as unyielding a force as they came.</p><p>An unyielding force who was currently scowling, eyes still closed and grumbling with displeasure as the first rays of a morning sun fell through the window, creating a golden shimmer around the strands of chestnut brown hair, wrapped loosely in a braid and all mussed from sleep. He smiled. It was a suspicion he's had for a while, and something that had gotten confirmed in the last couple of weeks.</p><p>Queen Calanthe of Cintra was <em>not</em> a morning person, at all. (She also vehemently refused to sleep in, which was exactly the kind of stubborn defiance he'd expected of her.)</p><p>She didn't wake up with a smile, elegantly stretching her hands above her head with a little yawn, rolling over with a soft <em>'good morning'</em>  and greeting the new day. No, when Calanthe woke up, she did it with a disgruntled sound coming from the back of her throat and a frown that created a little crease between her brows, and it filled him with more warmth than a sip from the finest whiskey.</p><p>It was endearing to him, and dear to him, too, because he recognised it for what it was: a small, brief glimpse she shared with him of herself that existed before the world around her did and before she existed for the world — not as queen, mother, lion-hearted warrior, not even wife... just, her. It was a brief glimpse, and he liked it very much.</p><p>It was also on her own terms, and that mattered.</p><p>Eist had made a deal with himself, that day on the ship; that he would not say anything in an attempt to change their current arrangement, would not push her into a situation she had not wished for, would listen and watch and follow her pace the same way he'd done so until now. And what if he had developed deeper feelings, something more than he'd bargained for? It had never been a part of the equation, had never meant to happen, and now that it had — that was on him, not her. And unless she'd give him a clear indication that she was on the same page as him he would keep it to himself, and not make it her burden as well. He owed her that much.</p><p>(And if he was perhaps a little bit afraid that it would break the trust and friendship they had now, that she would pull away from him for good and he would lose her, then, well — he hoped he would be forgiven this small act of selfishness, too.)</p><p>There had been a shift, on Skellige where she'd shared a bed with him for the first time, and he'd fallen asleep next to her, and woken up with her by his side as well. It was something that happened more frequently now. Not often, not always.</p><p>Some nights she stayed, some she did not, and that was how things were. This night, she'd stayed.</p><p>Calanthe blinked away the sleep from her eyes, her body apparently finally registering that it was awake.</p><p>She sat up, reluctantly, remaining like that for a moment to give her mind time to arrive as well, and then began to open her disheveled braid. His head was still resting on his pillow, quietly watching her. He wanted to reach out, trace the tips of his fingers over her bare arms. From this angle he could see the silver line on her elbow, a token from war she still carried with her, visibly and sorely too as she'd told him when he'd first noticed it, on a night where she'd rolled off of him onto her stomach, and he'd kissed away pearls of sweat from her shoulder blades, fingers drawing patterns over her soft skin. He'd seen the scar then, the fibers only just beginning to turn from red to white.</p><p>A splintered arm, she'd recalled when he asked her about it, sustained in battle a few years ago when her horse had been hit, and she'd fallen, and its entire weight had toppled onto her. It had been her left arm, luckily, and not her strong one, but it still ached from time to time if she strained it for too long and had never been the same as before.</p><p>"Do you want me at court for the audiences today?" Eist asked, skipping the <em>good morning</em>, which would've only earned him a hum.</p><p>"No, it's all right," she replied without turning her head, voice still thick with sleep, fingers combing out her tresses, "I know how boring you find them."</p><p>"Yes, but I've been thinking... that perhaps I should be getting more engaged in court business... and politics."</p><p>She paused then to look at him, with fondness, but also like she was thinking him a fool.</p><p>"Eist," she said softly, "you would make a terrible politician, and I mean that as nothing but a compliment."</p><p>She resumed with her task, loosening the last plaits when she dropped casually, "I would like you at the banquet later, though."</p><p>"Why?"</p><p>"Because I'll be in a foul mood by then and wishing for a friendly face there with me."</p><p>How she could say something so significant and make it sound like an offhand comment at the same time was something he still could not wrap his mind around. Maybe it was true, he thought, that he was not cut out for court because as he watched her he realised that she'd mastered the art of thinking, saying and nonverbally expressing one thing entirely differently, walking a fine line between her own truth and the one she wanted to send out for other people to see, riddling her emotions behind layers and layers of carefully crafted masks, studied and perfected during her years at court. And even after three years of knowing her he still had not figured it out entirely. He also realised that she did not want him to see through them, and that was another thing.</p><p>"Then I'll be there," he told her and even from his angle he could see a brief smile appear on her face that disappeared just as quickly.</p><p>She got off the bed, but leaned over for a moment to kiss him, not soft and affectionate — never that — her teeth capturing his bottom lip and biting down on it teasingly as she pulled away, before letting it go.</p><p>Tenderness belonged to the fleeting moments at night where pulses began to slow and the sweat clinging to the skin cooled and chests were heavy and full with content — not to the light of day, the mornings after.</p><p>"I'll see you later then," she said and pulled on her dressing gown to return to her own chambers to get properly dressed.</p>
<hr/><p>Eist spent the better part of the day by the docks, carrying out various little repairs and preparing his ship for fall and winter, when the storms would grow stronger and the seas wilder, before he returned to the city a few hours past noon. The audiences should be over at this point, and he would need some time to get cleaned up for the banquet. Eist did not exactly look forward to it, but —</p><p>He did not allow himself to finish this thought. She may have wanted him there, but to read too much into every word and gesture would be a dangerous road to go down, so he wouldn't.  </p><p>He was on his way to his chambers when he heard voices coming from what he recognised as the Principal Secretary's study.</p><p>"But if they've taken Ebbing — "</p><p>"Ebbing," Sir Gerbold's voice interrupted harshly, "has been weakening for years. Nazair will be a different matter."</p><p>"And what if they take Nazair, too, and arrive at our border?"</p><p>Eist didn't want to lurk outside the door, so he entered in the same moment that Sir Gerbold shot back, "Then we'll be ready and we'll defeat them like we always have, and always will!"</p><p>There were four people in the room, Gerbold and Brent were currently glaring at each other, while High Treasurer Llewellyn stood by the side, uncomfortably shifting his weight from one foot to the other. Calanthe was sitting in a chair by the cold fireplace, elbow propped on the armrest and chin propped on her hand, watching the dispute with a dark look beneath heavy eyelids.</p><p>She acknowledged him briefly when he stepped inside before turning her attention back to her arguing ministers.</p><p>"The possibility of an attack is something that we should not take lightly if —"</p><p>"My dear Principal Secretary, I have been fighting wars when you were still a clot of blood in your mother's belly, I know how to calculate a risk and I'm telling you —"</p><p>"Enough!" Calanthe had finally risen to speak, and her tone was definite. "I'm hearing a lot of 'if's' but so far, there is no indication that they have any intention, or even the power to battle the North. So let us postpone this scenic but rather pointless doom-mongering until we have actual cause to be concerned, shall we?"</p><p>Her advisors hummed in agreement and Calanthe left the room, nodding at him in passing as a signal to follow.</p><p>"I think we should double the guard posts at the Marnadal Stairs, and watch the mountain pass closely from now on."</p><p>Calanthe halted in her tracks for a moment to cast him a sour look.</p><p>"Not you too," she sighed and resumed her walking.</p><p>"Most rulers don't stop at one kingdom once they've successfully overthrown one," Eist argued, easily keeping her pace. "And the distance from Ebbing to Cintra is not that far."</p><p>Calanthe turned to him again, arms crossed and brows furrowed. She did not believe it, he knew, but maybe she would listen anyway.</p><p>"It's better to be safe than sorry," he added softly.</p><p>"What a funny thing to say coming from you," she retorted dryly."If you believe that maybe you should reconsider the path you've chosen for yourself. May I suggest the profession of an accountant instead, perhaps?"</p><p>It was meant as a disparaging remark, a wall of sarcasm for his concern to bounce off of, but even to her own ears it must have fallen flat because she pressed her lips together then and shook her head.</p><p>"Why are you so worried?" she asked eventually.</p><p>Because all his life it had only been him putting himself at risk. Leading his men who knew the risks of seafaring as well. Because his sister and her family were safe on the Isles, and when he left them behind it was with the knowledge that they were sheltered and protected. Because he had people he cared for — a family — in Cintra, a kingdom that marked a geopolitical key point between the South and the North.</p><p>Because now he had something to lose.</p><p>"Every storm begins with a breeze."</p><p>She looked at him for a long time, and her expression gave away nothing. Neither did her voice when she finally spoke.</p><p>"Sometimes a breeze is just a breeze."</p><p>And gods, how he hoped she was right.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I hope everyone is doing okay, whether you have to stay at home or go to work 🌹</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Chapter 13</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>i'm very sorry for the wait, i had so much work and also wasn't feeling well the last couple of days (no corona, i swear), but i wanted to put the next chapter up tonight. it's 4am so i hope any mistakes i haven't found yet will be forgiven</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Fall was always a busy time on the Isles, where everybody began to stock up for the harsh winter that fell over the islands each year. The wooden huts were moaning and creaking as the autumn storms shook them, the winds howling around the houses like hungry wolves and the sea brought waves that crashed with relentless force against the cliffs.</p><p>It was a time where Eist was needed, so he returned to Skellige.</p><p>Five weeks flew by without him really noticing, but when he set sail again and the shores of Cintra appeared in the distance, he felt a sudden rush of warmth through his veins, despite the cold winds.</p><p>Whereas the Isles turned grey and wet and cold during fall, Cintra began to bloom in golden and red colours. The sun lightened even the bricks of the city in a way that seemed almost welcoming as he stepped off the ship and began to make his way towards the capital.</p><p>Once inside the castle, Eist felt torn for a moment. He realised he should probably go to his chambers to clean up first, but a quieter voice told him he hadn't seen Calanthe in a long time, and now that he was here, the sudden wish to see her face hit him with vehemence. When he passed his reflection, however, and his eyes fell on the beard he'd grown over the time he'd been on Skellige, he decided that he should definitely shave first.</p><p>But, as it was with decisions ever so often, sometimes life made them for you, and barely halfway to his chambers he ran into the queen.</p><p>She looked up when she heard his footsteps, her eyes flickering over his chin briefly, and her expression seemed to soften a little when she saw him, but it could not hide the frown that was still etched deeply into the lines of her face and made his brows furrow in return with worry.</p><p>"What's wrong?" he asked as he came to stand in front of her, taking in the tenseness in her shoulders and the way her hands dug into her hips. He could barely make out the word <em>Pavetta</em>, so low was her voice when she grumbled it. His brows furrowed deeper.</p><p>"What happened?"</p><p>He wasn't sure if she would reply, because for a few moments she seemed reluctant, but then she opened her mouth and the words tore from her lips with the same relief like water through a broken dam.</p><p>"I'm at my wit's end with the girl, Eist," she said and began to pace. "She'll turn fourteen in but a few moons, but look at her! I've had to fight my first battle at that age, and I don't know what to do to make her see that that is a reality she'll have to face some day, something she cannot just daydream away but —"</p><p>She came back to his side, and he met her agitated eyes with his own.</p><p>"— she's not ready yet. She will pet horses but not ride them, she can barely lift a sword, and she refuses to commit to her fighting and battle strategy lessons. I've turned a blind eye to it for as long as I could, but she'll be married soon, she'll be <em>queen</em> soon. Not princess, queen — commanding a kingdom and an army. And she'll fail miserably if she's not prepared for it." Calanthe stopped to take a deep breath. Her voice was hard and irritated but he thought he could hear something else in it, a tremor beneath the concrete of her frustration. "You know what that means, for people like us. If we fail, we die."</p><p>His hand was itching with the desire to reach out to her, take her hand in his or squeeze her shoulder, offer some consolation, some comfort. But it remained fixed to his side, and all he could do was speak.</p><p>"She'll be all right," he told her with conviction."She has your blood."</p><p>A strange expression came over her face... not upset, not bitter... something else... something he could not put his finger on.</p><p>"If she does, then that's all the more reason why she has to learn these things," she said flatly.</p><p>Something about her choice of words was odd, too, but Eist didn't have time to think about it because Calanthe exhaled sharply then, and continued.</p><p>"The world is not like it is in her tales — there's no knight coming to your rescue, no fairy godmother holding your hand, and every handsome prince can turn out to be a monster. If she won't listen now, she's gonna have to learn it the hard way."</p><p>"Like you have?"</p><p>Calanthe pressed her lips together.</p><p>"I was never a starry-eyed girl."</p><p>"No," he mused, "I don't imagine you were. I'll go try talk to her, all right?</p><p>"Fine, see if you can put some sense into her."</p><p>"I will," he said and Calanthe nodded her thanks.</p><p>She was about to leave when he instinctively reached out, just to make her pause, and his hand brushed against the flat of her stomach. Calanthe froze and looked up at him after a moment.</p><p>"Will I see you tonight?" he asked quietly. He could feel the curve of her hipbone move under his thumb as she breathed in, quick and shallow.</p><p>"Yes," she said simply and his hand fell away when she pushed past him.</p><p>But, before she rounded the corner she threw him another glance and added with that airily blasé tone of hers, "The beard looks good," and with that she was gone.</p><p>Eist stood in the corridor for another moment, and then huffed out a small laugh, scratching his chin pensively — maybe he would keep it after all.</p>
<hr/><p>Pavetta sat on the bench beneath the mahogany tree, sheltered from prying eyes by the elder bushes which had exchanged their summer blossoms for autumn berries, hanging from their twigs like black drops of rain. It was her favourite spot on the entire castle grounds. Nobody bothered her here.</p><p>Unless... they knew where to look.</p><p>Even from afar Eist must have noticed she'd been crying because he slowed his steps, halting a few feet away.</p><p>She wiped at her cheeks quickly when she saw him and avoided his eyes.</p><p>"Can I sit?" he asked gently.</p><p>Pavetta still didn't look at him but nodded, and Eist sat down  on the bench next to her  quietly.</p><p>"Did my mother send you?" she asked wearily.</p><p>Eist liked her, she knew that. He was never anything but kind to her. But he liked her mother, too, despite the rough start she still vaguely remembered, and there was no way of telling which side he would take.</p><p>"No," he said softly. "But she told me you've butted heads earlier."</p><p>Pavetta huffed, but it sounded more like a sniffle.</p><p>"Do you wish to talk about it?" he asked. Not demandingly, his question nothing but a mere offer that she knew she could decline if she wanted to.</p><p>"She's disappointed in me," Pavetta replied very quietly.</p><p>"She's not disappointed, just worried."</p><p>"No, she's disappointed because I'm not like her. I'm not fierce and fearless and bold, I'm not a warrior or a lion. I can't do what she does, command people around and... kill people. That's not me, and it never will be." She loathed how she could hear her own voice tremble. "I want to be who she wants me to be, but I can't."</p><p>Eist looked at her and there was an expression on his face like he'd just realised something, but it vanished a heartbeat later and was replaced by a gentle look of compassion.</p><p>"Nobody is fearless, Pavetta. Fierceness is not the absence of fear, it's knowing what you're fighting for. Your mother had to step up when her father died, because she became queen and it was the right thing to do. I know that yours and her tempers are as different as the sun and the moon, but you are your mother's daughter and when your time comes, you'll do the same."</p><p>"What if I can't?" she said, her words nothing more than a whisper.</p><p>Eist gave her a small smile, and it was warm and maybe a little bit wistful at the same time.</p><p>"The world is wide and some things are beyond our control. Like fate, the nature of our blood—" His voice trailed off and a distant look appeared in his eyes, like he was suddenly miles away "— who we fall in love with."</p><p>It was the pause, and the quiet rawness in his tone that made Pavetta wonder if perhaps she had been wrong earlier, if there was more to the amicable bond she'd watched her mother and her second husband grow, something that she had failed to notice —</p><p>The feeling of something brushing against her hand shook her out of her thoughts, and when she looked down she saw that Eist had covered her hand with his own, and all the compassion and kindness he had in him for her poured through that touch.</p><p>"Nobody can know what the future will hold, it's an adventure we all must take on," he said. "But if there is one thing that I know without a single doubt in my heart is that you, Princess Pavetta, will and can, when the time comes, step up and be extraordinary."</p><p>He gave her a last reassuring squeeze and got up. Pavetta, however, remained on the bench, very quiet and not knowing if she felt better or not after their conversation.</p><p>A rustling behind her made her startle and she wheeled around, staring into the bushes behind her. Nothing moved, and no sound came from it. She began to wonder if it had just been a cat, or a bird, when she saw —</p><p>a thatch of curly black hair, and beneath that the most handsome grin she'd ever seen.</p>
<hr/><p>It was late when Calanthe showed up, so much that Eist hadn't been sure if she would come after all and had already half-settled into bed. All his tiredness vanished however when she entered,  raising her eyebrows at him with a teasing smile, lighting up the room like a sun.</p><p>It shouldn't be like that, he mused. He should be getting used to how stunning she was, not find himself more in awe each time. But maybe it was just the way with her, no morning sky looked the same as the day before and neither did she. Perhaps it would take a whole life to look his fill — he hoped he would be granted that time.</p><p>Once there, Calanthe wasted no time. She never did — not her own, anyway.</p><p>Eist sat up against the headboard when she was already over him, her dress a forgotten puddle on the floor, wearing only her linen shift. She was no more sunset and all mountain lion, nails like claws raking over his scalp and beard, making him shiver. The bed dipped on both sides where her knees pressed into the mattress, and she kissed him. If those five weeks had felt long to him, maybe they had felt equally long to her because while there was a fierceness in her kiss that was familiar, there was an urgency, too, that he had not expected.</p><p>Her hands were clinging to his hair, holding him close so that he could press open-mouthed kisses to her neck and jaw (not that he'd needed that direction). Her skin was beginning to turn pink from beard burn, but she didn't seem to mind, too focused on rolling her hips against his, and when she shuddered against him one final time, she let her forehead fall against the crook of his neck.</p><p>He held her to him, fingers drawing circles on her now damp shift, and pressing a kiss to her temple and hair every now and then, feeling her heartbeat eventually slowing down against his own chest.</p><p>Finally, she shifted, beginning to draw back a little but he cupped her jaw with his hands and pulled her down into another kiss, lazier this time. She followed his pace and he smiled against her mouth — maybe she had missed him after all. <em>This</em>, he corrected himself.</p><p>Missed this.</p><p>When they broke for air, she didn't attempt to pull away again, and now that the haze began to lift from his mind, he remembered other things.</p><p>"Calanthe?" he asked.</p><p>"Hm?"</p><p>Maybe he was a fool, for mentioning this now. There was a time for friendship, and there was a time for sex with no strings attached, and Eist didn't know how well blending these two would go. And yet, suddenly he felt very tired of having to walk that line every time —</p><p>"Are you still in touch, with your mother?"</p><p>She leaned back to meet his eyes, frowning at him in confusion.</p><p>"Why are you asking me that?"</p><p>"I just —" he shook his head, "— wondered, I suppose. You never mention her."</p><p>Calanthe seemed to waver whether to reply or not, unsure where this conversation was going. He half expected her to brush it off or tell him it was none of his business, but then she just shrugged.</p><p>"Yes, occasionally. This marriage was her idea, actually, and Skellige was her alliance of choice. So you can thank her for being stuck with me."</p><p>"Oh, I will," he countered, and the grin on his face and the way his hands ran over her thighs (under which he was in this moment very much stuck) left no ambiguity to his innuendo. Calanthe's eyelids fluttered as she rolled her eyes, and then rolled off him, too, settling on the bed next to him. Her shoulder brushed his as she leaned back against the headboard.</p><p>"She doesn't live in Cintra, does she?"</p><p>"No," Calanthe said, but gave no further explanation.</p><p>"Do you two get along?"</p><p>"Of course," she replied easily. "Ask anyone in this castle who's old enough to remember and they'll tell you my parents spoiled me rotten."</p><p>It was different than before, in that corridor, where her worries had been a beast gnawing at her, and she'd vented almost (always almost) freely to him, and he'd picked up on something that had left him wondering ever since he'd understood what he had seen —</p><p><em>Ashamed</em>, that was the word he'd been looking for. Calanthe had looked ashamed when she'd talked about her blood, and the same expression had been mirrored on Pavetta's face when she'd told him about disappointing her mother. Seeing it on the girl had been like a déjà vu, and yet he could not make sense of it.</p><p>But not tonight, he decided. Whatever it was, she clearly did not want to talk about, and he did not want to drive her away.</p><p>"Will you stay?"</p><p>She turned her head to meet his gaze.</p><p>"Will you shut up?"</p><p>"Yes."</p><p>"Then I'll stay."</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>This night, he dreamed of darkness. He stood alone and there was nothing, he was surrounded by nothing, and the darkness around him was silent. He raised his head then, and it began to snow. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He watched in wonder, watched the pale flakes sink lower and lower, until he could reach out and catch one in his palm.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And nothing turned into chaos. There were voices around him, screaming, and the night was not dark anymore — it was red, and hot, and ashes rained from the sky. The city burned.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And somewhere, far far away, he heard a raging sea. Waves like thunder, and the waves became wings, black as night and as darkness and as death, descending upon him, as hungry beaks came to peck him apart.</em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Chapter 14</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>look at me, stepping out of my comfort zone<br/>this chapter is rated double m, for mature &amp; mild, which is how i roll *peace sign*</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>As a young girl, Calanthe had wanted a great many things — being married was not one of them.</p><p>But then she'd laid her eyes on Roegner and decided that maybe being married wouldn't be so bad after all. Her first husband had been incredibly handsome, his face cut with the same elegance and sleekness of a fine vase, looking so delicate she'd almost been afraid to touch him. She'd been smaller than him, but there was a roughness in her hands that she did not trust with tenderness.</p><p>(She'd thought that, too, when the midwife had handed her newborn baby to her, a tiny little thing, so soft and brittle she'd felt like it could crumble any moment if she squeezed it just a bit too hard. She'd given the child back to the nurse then, suddenly overcome with fear, and she'd realised once again that she was not meant to hold something so fragile.)</p><p>Illness had carried Roegner off in the end, not even thirty-five years of age. He had been the ruler of one of the greatest kingdoms in the north, and he'd passed quietly like a fish on a dry riverbed. Calanthe had watched, and all she could think was that this was not how she wanted to go — passively, wasting away into nothing.</p><p> </p><p>Calanthe woke in the early hours of morning. The light that fell through the frost-covered windows was pale, dulled like the overcast sky. Everything was still very quiet, the kind of silence that fell over the land in winter like a blanket of snow. The only sound came from the crackling fireplace. It should have burned low by now, and it was too early for a servant to have stoked it up again.</p><p>She rolled on her side, to look at the person who must have done so instead. Eist wasn't bothered by the cold; she supposed it was something he'd gotten used to by spending so much time out on open waters. If he had gotten up at night to stoke the fire, he'd not done it for his own sake.  </p><p>She watched him sleep, lying on his back with his face half turned in her direction. It was a good face — craggy, in a handsome way. She raised her hand to let her fingertips trace the fine lines — around the corners of his eyes, on his forehead — without really touching him. Life had carved itself into his skin. Frowns and laughter, it was all there.</p><p>She'd told him once that he would be terrible in politics, and she'd meant it, because in a world where everything held hidden meanings and wicked ambition and nothing was said or done without intent, he lay disclosed like an open book, drafted with rare honesty. Eist smiled when he meant to smile, and frowned when he was worried or irritated, and he never lied.</p><p>Calanthe would have called it foolish, a while ago. Honesty was a dangerous thing, it left you vulnerable and unguarded. But there was nothing vulnerable about him, nothing delicate — he was no vase. She could break herself on him like waves against a cliff.</p><p>It frightened her, sometimes. The feeling that she did not have to hold back, that she might have found someone who was nothing like her, and still her equal. It frightened her, because it would be so easy to get used to. And that was the last thing she wanted, wasn't it? Getting used to this.</p><p>Her knuckles brushed over his jaw. He'd kept the beard, ever since the day he'd returned from Skellige a few months ago. It wasn't exactly Cintran court fashion but she liked it... it suited him.</p><p>She quickly pulled her hand back when he stirred, turning on his side facing her without waking up. The room felt dreadfully warm and stifling suddenly, and she quietly slipped away from the blankets and put her dressing gown on.</p><hr/><p>The change of seasons brought other changes, too, and while Calanthe poured her energy into maintaining everything the way it ought to be, providing stability to her kingdom and people, not everything was as willing to follow that line. Every now and then her messengers would bring news of the south. Ebbing was still under Nilfgaard's control, and the new usurper seemed more persistent than his predecessors. It surprised her, that much was certain, but apart from that the news did not trouble her too much. Then there was Pavetta —</p><p>The girl had turned fourteen recently, and Calanthe felt like her daughter had now really stepped into her teenage years, with all the moodiness one could expect from that. She even talked back to her own mother with her chin raised high, something that had never happened before. There had been that one incident where Pavetta and her had gotten into an argument:</p><p>The girl had not reacted well to the news of her planned betrothal next year, which had been frustrating but not unexpected. In the end Calanthe had simply told her daughter that she'd just have to suck it up and grow a thicker skin, to which the girl had replied that <em>'she wasn't as invincible and perfect as she liked to pretend, either'</em>.</p><p>Eist seemed quite shocked by the change, too used to the sweet soft-spoken girl, but Calanthe did not let herself be bothered by it. If the change in her daughter meant that she was finally beginning to stand up for herself, it was worth it. Calanthe's job as queen and mother was to make sure that her daughter was prepared for what was to come inevitably.</p><p>If the girl would grow to resent her for that in time, well... wasn't that the ordinary way of the world?</p><p>The disillusionment of girlhood: realising that your mother was not the person you've always thought her to be (and that the hopeless need to please her was already engrained into every fiber of your being).</p><hr/><p>It was an early summer's eve and Calanthe watched the crowd from her place at the center of the head table. A new bard had come to Cintra and was now entertaining the hall with his lute and songs, singing of monsters and adventures. He had a boyish look and she found it hard to believe he'd actually experienced any of the stories he sang about. His voice was nice though, she had to give him that.</p><p>Pavetta would have liked him, if she'd been here — the girl had told her earlier that she was too tired for dinner and wanted to be alone in her room. Teenagers, Calanthe thought with little shake of her head.</p><p>And where had Eist disappeared to, she wondered, letting her eyes roam the hall until she spotted him, and felt herself frown. He was standing a bit offside, half hidden by a pillar and seemed engaged in a conversation with a young woman she recognised as one of her handmaidens. She couldn't really make out their faces, Eist standing with his back to her and her handmaiden only partially visible behind his broad shoulders, but she noticed how close they were standing and at some point, she saw Eist reach out and put his hand on the girl's arm, squeezing it briefly.</p><p>She reached for her goblet then, swallowing down the wine and the sudden lump in her throat. The liquor left a bitter taste in her mouth and she set the goblet back down on the table, a little bit too forcefully — some of its content spilled over, leaving red stains on the tablecloth.</p><p>When Calanthe looked back up, the girl was gone and Eist was making his way back to the table.</p><p>"What's with the frown?" he asked when he dropped into the chair next to her.</p><p>Calanthe quickly settled her face back into a neutral expression.</p><p>"The bard is getting on my last nerve," she lied.</p><p>"Really?" Eist chuckled. "I kinda like him. Though, some of his tales sound a bit cracked. Reminds me of that night after the tournament, you know, the one... four years ago."</p><p>He seemed a little taken aback by the realisation, and she could relate to that. It was hard to imagine they'd been married that long. It seemed like such a long time, like they had been married forever; but at the same time it felt like only yesterday that they had said their vows and Calanthe didn't know where those years had gone, so quickly had they passed.</p><p>"Means we'll be done with this soon," she said, voice even like steel. "So that's gonna be a relief."</p><p>She could feel his eyes on her, but he didn't speak and she reached out for another sip from her wine.</p><p> </p><p>Calanthe couldn't remember how she ended up outside his door. She was sure she hadn't actively made the decision to seek him out after supper, and yet her feet  had carried her here by their own volition. She considered turning around, but she was already here and turning away would be like admitting defeat to a battle she did not even know she was fighting.</p><p>So she knocked.</p><p>It took a moment before Eist opened the door. Her eyes fell on him, and then landed on the other person in the room with him. It took one look at the girl's face, all guilt and fear, to tell her everything she needed. The girl quickly curtsied with a mumbled '<em>your majesty' </em>before hurrying past her and out the door.</p><p>Calanthe remained where she was, frozen in place as something within her began to stir, trying to claw its way out of her, snarling like a beast. Her heart drummed in her chest, loudly, and each throb made her blood boil hotter.</p><p>She was angry. She was really angry, and she felt betrayed, and she didn't understand why. She had known this was a possibility, she had always known — hells, encouraged it even — that he was free to live a life outside of the temporary reality that was their marriage.</p><p>And yet, now that she was confronted with it, it left her trembling with suppressed anger. A part of her wanted to turn around, to leave — but she had never run from a fight in all her life, and she would not run from this either.</p><p>Eist had noticed, because he stepped towards her, the features of his face calm and looking to appease her.</p><p>"Don't be angry with Sofia," he said softly, "she meant to tell you." And her fingernails dug into her palms at that.</p><p>
  <em>(tell her what, she thought bitterly. why tell her at all. why couldn't they have just hidden it better.)</em>
</p><p>"You need not protect her. I'm not going to have her pretty head for this —"<em>(but oh how she wanted to)</em> "— since she's already living her life as if it were not there, risking her position to fuck her queen's consort, that's as reckless as it is stupid."</p><p>"Wait, what?" he interrupted, and she almost believed his act of bafflement — almost.</p><p>"You don't have to feign ignorance, Eist. You're free to do as you like, though I must say, I would have expected a little bit more consideration from <em>you</em> than to fall into bed with one of my handmaidens, of all people"</p><p>Her voice sounded foreign to her own ears, too high and shaky, and it only angered her more. And then, of all the reactions she would have expected from him, his face broke into a <em>smile.</em> </p><p>"I'm not —"</p><p>"You don't have to explain yourself, I said you could do whatever you wanted — "</p><p>"This isn't —"</p><p>"— and just because we're sleeping together occasionally doesn't mean that the rules have changed. So if you wish to... continue... this... liaison of yours then please, don't feel the need to stop just because of m —"</p><p>With one step he closed the distance between them and kissed her. It took her by surprise and yet she found herself immediately melting into it. His hands moved to cradle her face while his lips moved against hers. It was a chaste kiss, but he could have devoured her instead, that was how breathless it left her when he finally broke it. His forehead pressed against hers for a moment, before pulling back eventually, finding her gaze.</p><p>"Sofia asked me to talk to someone from my crew," he told her, and she noted how throaty his voice now sounded. "She's been secretly seeing one of my men and now she's with child. He's been avoiding her since she told him so she's asked me to smack some sense into him."</p><p>"Oh."</p><p>"Yes, '<em>oh'</em>," he repeated, eyes gleaming with mirth, and she felt his thumbs brushing over her cheekbones. "I told her that she should talk to you about it, too, but she seemed a little terrified at the prospect. When you came here, I thought you had found out anyhow."</p><p>Calanthe only nodded, mind still catching up with the sudden turn of events, and the strange feelings whirling in her chest. Her mouth opened, trying to come up with something to cover up her flustered state.</p><p>"Well, still —" she finally got out. "If you <em>wished to</em> —"</p><p>"By god, woman," he sighed and kissed her again. That was twice now that he'd shut her up by kissing her tonight, and she ought to be mad about it, but she found it increasingly difficult to concentrate on anything else when his mouth was doing <em>that.</em></p><p>She registered only faintly how his hands untied her dress and corset and pushed it off her shoulders as they made their way to his bed, and she slid back on it when her legs connected with the mattress.</p><p>Once he was over her she reached out to grab his shirt, trying to pull it up, but he caught her hand in his and pressed a kiss to her knuckles. Then he moved down on her, lips trailing over her stomach, her hipbones, the inside of her thighs and then even closer until she was trembling, fingers entangled in his hair, gripping it too hard as pleasure rolled over her, like waves breaking lazily on shore.</p><p>She was still trying to catch her breath when he appeared over her again, tucking damp strands of hair behind her ears and brushing them out of her face, waiting for <em>her</em>.</p><p>There was a burning, behind her eyes. She knew he noticed it immediately, because he stilled and frowned.</p><p>"Are you all right?" he asked, voice laced with concern.</p><p>"Yes," she said, placing her hands on his chest, still covered under his shirt.</p><p>"Yes," she repeated softly. She didn't say more, because how could she have explained what she felt in this moment if she didn't understand it herself, only knew that she was overwhelmed because she had handed over control freely, opened up her palm and given her power to him by her own will — and he'd taken it with tender care and poured it right back into her.</p><p>"Okay."</p><p>He was about to move away from her, angling his body to the side and she instinctively knew he meant to pull her on top of him, like she'd always been. Her hands closed around the fabric of his shirt to keep him in place before loosening her grip, hands sliding up to cup his jaw instead.</p><p>"Like this is fine," she whispered when she saw the surprise on his face, and the expression melted into tenderness as he leaned down to kiss her lips. Finally, he pulled his shirt off in one swift motion, tossing it carelessly to the side, before leaning back down to kiss her again, then trailing a path with his mouth over her cheeks and along her jaw, placing little kisses there too and slowly like that, like he had all the time in the world, he sank into her.  </p><p>There was no urgency in his movements, no race to finish. Her arms slid around his shoulders, fingers digging into the muscles on his back, feeling them ripple beneath their tips.</p><p>At some point she grew frustrated with his slow, wonderful, <em>infuriating</em> pace, and she tried to urge him to just <em>move, for god's sake</em>, but he didn't budge and his laugh was a puff of hot air on her neck.</p><p>"Always so impatient," he murmured with a soft smile, and swallowed her irritated groan with his mouth.</p><p>She might have decided to never let him set the pace ever again because she felt like she was losing her mind but he looked at her like she was <em>everything</em>, everything in the whole world and just like that she came again, her gaze locked with his until it became too much and her eyes fluttered close. She felt him shudder against her shortly after, murmuring her name over and over again — like a prayer, like a declaration, and eventually still.</p><p>His body was heavy on hers but she refused to let go, arms wrapped around his shoulders and neck, reveling in the warmth and closeness and the weight of him, running her fingertips through the hair at the back of his head.</p><p>She was beginning to doze off when she heard his voice, like a warm caress on her ear.</p><p>"Calanthe —"</p><p>"Hm?"</p><p>"I'm crushing you."</p><p>Even without seeing his face she knew he was smiling, it was all in his tone, the quiet amusement.</p><p>"That's all right," she murmured, unwilling to move or to open her eyes. His chest shook with silent laughter and he gently extracted himself from her, only to pull her with him when he rolled onto his back, so that her head came to rest on his shoulder.</p><p>She faintly registered how he drew the blankets over them, and started trailing the tips of his fingers over her back, along her spine, and the length of her arm, tracing the scar on her elbow. The slow rise and fall of his chest lulled her further into drowsiness.</p><p>"Calanthe?"</p><p>"Hm?"</p><p>His voice was low to her ears, muffled through the thick haze of sleepiness fogging her brain.</p><p>"There's never been another woman, since that night in Strept. Actually, even longer than that. Only you. I just, wanted you to know that."</p><p>She might have hummed in response, if he had heard it she did not know — the world around her too heavy and quiet.</p><p> </p><p>It would be so easy to get used to this.</p><p><em>And what if she did</em>, a small voice asked, and with that thought she fell asleep.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>(lil heads up: the next update might take a little bit longer. less than a week, but more than 2-3 days)<br/>sorry!! but also thank you so much if you're still reading!! i'm really grateful for that</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Chapter 15</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>"less than a week" — so that was a lie! 🙃 sorry 🙃 but! this chapter is so far the longest so I hope that makes up for it a little bit</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Something was different when Eist woke up this morning. Usually he stirred with the first light of dawn, meticulous like a songbird. This day, however, he woke up to a tingling sensation, as if someone was tickling his face with a feather. Then he noticed the scent — whatever it was, something flowery perhaps — that he'd come to associate with <em>her</em>, and he realised that it was her hair brushing against his face. His arm was still draped over her, while her back was nestled up to his chest. He could feel the slow rise and fall of her body against his, letting him know she was still asleep.</p><p>He stayed like this for a while, content to delay the moment where he had to get up a little bit longer, until the first birds started chirping and he longed for some fresh air.</p><p>Carefully, so not to wake her, he pressed a kiss to the top of her head, before he extracted himself from her and got up from the bed. Pulling his shirt on he stepped towards the window and opened it. A morning mist had settled over the land, wafting across the fields outside the city walls. He saw a bird flying over the overcast sky, its dark shape sticking out against the grey background. From there, Eist's gaze wandered downwards.</p><p>A single figure appeared out of the mist, coming closer and closer to the city in haste, until the rider — because that's what it was once he was close enough for Eist to discern him — arrived at the gates and disappeared from view.</p><p>A disquieting feeling settled in his stomach, a sense of foreboding that he could neither explain nor shake.</p><p>"What's got you brooding so early in the morning?"</p><p>The voice startled him out of his thoughts and he turned to see that Calanthe was awake, sitting up on the bed and watching him with keen eyes. Her hair was falling over her shoulders, and she'd pulled the bedsheet up to cover her chest. Despite the feeling of unease still lingering in him, it became secondary to the warmth he felt as he looked at her — because she was beautiful, and because now there was hope.</p><p>He'd waited for a sign, an indication from her side that something had changed for her, too, that she was not as eager to be rid of him as she'd been when they first met four years ago. Last night when he'd realised that Calanthe was jealous, actually jealous at the thought of him being involved with another woman, despite having insisted that she didn't mind (and still insisting, out of principle, because she was stubborn like that) a sense of relief and happiness had washed over him, tempted him into something that in hindsight had been reckless. There'd been a chance that Calanthe was not ready yet, had not come to the same conclusion that was so clear on his own mind, and he could have jeopardized everything.</p><p>But she had kissed him back, and was still here, and that was all the affirmation he needed.</p><p>Eist made his way over to the bed and sat on the edge of Calanthe's side, facing her. He noticed how she instinctively recoiled a little and he knew then that she was still unsure about this, about what this was and where it was going.</p><p>The truth was, so was he.</p><p>"How are you?" he asked.</p><p>She chewed on her lip for a moment, his eyes unwillingly following the movement before drawing them back up to meet hers.</p><p>"Good," she said. "You?"</p><p>He smiled. "Good."</p><p>Tentatively, he leaned in, giving her enough time to stop him if she wanted to — she didn't, and his nose brushed hers before he captured her lips in a kiss.</p><p>It was different, this time. There was no rush in it, no depth. It was like learning a new word and trying it out for the first time, rolling it back and forth on one's tongue — testing the sound, the feeling of the syllables, wrapping one's entire being around it for a moment to get it right.</p><p>It was the first word of a conversation they still had to have... at some point... soon. It was hard to concentrate when her tongue brushed against his lower lip, and when her hand slipped under his shirt it sent shivers through him that had nothing to do with the coolness of her skin.</p><p>He would have been content with this, but Calanthe, impatient as ever, began to move with more intent, shifting on the bed, pushing her knee between his and pulling him closer —</p><p>A knock interrupted them and they startled apart. Calanthe quickly got up from her bed and reached for her dressing gown while Eist went to answer the door. He opened it a crack and was met with Sir Danek's face, looking unusually serious and troubled.</p><p>"I'm sorry to disturb, your majesty," the knight said. "But we have a situation."</p><p>"What is it, Danek?" Calanthe had appeared by his side, arms wrapped tightly around herself, looking just as apprehensive as Eist felt.  </p><p>The man's eyes flickered between Eist and the queen.</p><p>"It's Nilfgaard, your majesties. They're here."</p>
<hr/><p>When Calanthe, Eist and Danek arrived at her study, everyone else had already assembled — Sir Gerbold, Brent and Llewellyn, all looking rather grim and worried. His eyes fell on an unfamiliar face, a young boy, lanky and pale, the dark circles prominent under his eyes. He jumped to his feet when they entered, bowing deeply. Eist noticed that the boy's body was shaking — from exhaustion or nerves or adrenaline; or maybe all three of them.</p><p>Calanthe's eyes flickered over the boy, before landing on her advisors.</p><p>"Gentlemen. What's going on?"</p><p>"Tell the queen what you told us," Gerbold commanded the boy.</p><p>"— and sit back down," Eist added quietly.</p><p>The lad nodded and dropped back into the chair, looking back and forth between the people gathered around him and all staring at him expectantly, before taking a deep breath.</p><p>"I'm Conrad, squire of Baron Elylembert of Tigg and I was sent to deliver a warning." If the boy's body had trembled, his voice shook even more so, but the kid pressed on with determination. "It was the lord's fiftieth birthday yesterday, and the celebration went on all day. The lord was very generous with food and wine and... we let our guard down. Then by nightfall, they came. I have never seen so many soldiers in my life. Their armor was black, black as the night. We never saw them coming until it was already too late. On their helmets they wore feathers. Their banners were black, too — and in the center of it, a golden sun. I escaped when they stormed our stronghold, and I've been riding all night to warn you: Nilfgaard is on their way, and they're coming for Cintra."</p><p>His speech was followed by a silence so heavy it seemed almost tangible, while everyone let the reality of the boy's words sink in.</p><p>"You did good, Conrad of Tigg," Eist said finally, forcing his voice to sound calmer than he felt. "You must be famished. Why don't you go and get yourself something to eat? One of the guards will show you to the kitchens."</p><p>"Thank you, your majesty," the kid said.</p><p>The moment the door fell shut, the tension in the room erupted into discussion.</p><p>"Why did we not know that Nilfgaard crossed our borders?" Calanthe demanded.</p><p>"I don't know," her Secretary replied. The shame of his failure was written all over his face.</p><p>"It is what it is," Eist said. "How much time do we have left until they get here?"</p><p>"It takes around fourteen hours from Tigg to Cintra by foot. So if they set out for Cintra shortly after our young friend, that leaves us with— " Treasurer Llewellyn's eyes flicked upwards, calculating in his mind "— ten hours at a maximum, if they take breaks."</p><p>"We have to send word to Strept immediately," Brent said, but Sir Gerbold shook his head.</p><p>"It would take our fastest rider half a day alone to merely deliver the call, and most of Strept's men are foot soldiers. How long are you planning to wait within these walls, Lord Secretary, two days, three? With an army big enough, this city will be overrun in no time, that's for sure."</p><p>"So," Danek said quietly, "we're on our own."</p><p>"Maybe we don't— " Eist began slowly "— have to fight alone." He turned to Calanthe, and although there were still her advisors and Danek in the room, in this moment he spoke only to her. "You married me for this purpose, so let me keep my end of the bargain. Let me send word to Skellige and ask them for aid."</p><p>Her eyes locked with his, an unspoken exchange and he saw the moment her decision was made. Calanthe nodded.</p><p>"How fast can you deliver the call?"</p><p>"Immediately. Mousesack... has a way."</p><p>"Magic," she finished for him.</p><p>"Yes."</p><p>"It could still be too late," her Secretary interjected. "They have to mobilize their manpower first, and cross the waters. They might not make it in time."</p><p>"Then we'll give them the time to make it." Calanthe straightened her shoulders, and everyone in the room knew better than to argue with her now. "Gentlemen, when Nilfgaard comes we'll meet them on the battlefield."</p><p>The room fell quiet at her declaration, and the air was thick and heavy, because everybody knew the gravity of what was to come. Then Sir Gerbold spoke up —</p><p>"We cannot defeat them."</p><p>"No," Calanthe said, and a grim smile appeared on her face. "But maybe we can stall them long enough until we can."</p>
<hr/><p>The castle was bustling, but not with the joyful, excited rush he'd wittnessed before a celebration. This time the atmosphere was gloomy and quiet, every moment used to prepare. Their scouts had returned a few hours after noon to inform them that Nilfgaard's army was close, and many thousand men strong. Calanthe had received the news with concern, but her mouth was set in a hard, determined line when she had ordered everyone to get ready.</p><p>He found her in her chambers, already in armor. It was plain and silver apart from the golden lions adorning it. Her handmaiden was working Calanthe's hair into a braid when he entered.</p><p>She threw him a glance over her shoulder as she heard the door open.</p><p>"You're dressed — good. We'll have to leave soon. Has the druid sent word to your brother?"</p><p>He hummed in affirmation. It was too difficult to sit down in a chair with his full armor on so he kept standing in the middle of the room, watching Janna pin the last of the queen's braids up.</p><p>"Have you seen Pavetta?" Calanthe asked him suddenly.</p><p>"No," he said softly. The girl was making herself rare these days. But now, so short before battle, she might regret not wishing her mother well. "Do you want me to find her?"</p><p>Calanthe hesitated for a moment, before she shook her head.</p><p>"Thank you, Janna, that would be all," she dismissed the girl.</p><p>Calanthe waited until the door fell shut before she moved. Her footsteps were heavy from the weight of her armor before she came to a halt by the window. Her gaze was directed outside but there was a distant look in her eyes, like she was faraway with her thoughts.</p><p>"My father set out for a hunting trip one day," she said quietly. "I remember seeing him off from the balcony. He waved up at me before he left — that was the last time I saw him alive."</p><p>She paused.</p><p>"He got only wounded mildly, not enough to kill him, but he died from it anyway. Bad blood, my mother told me. It can happen when you don't tend to a wound properly." She let out a shaky breath through her nose. "Such a silly thing, really. King of Cintra, and died of carelessness. My late husband was the same age as my father when he died, carried away by illness. Trivial," she muttered. "I've always imagined a more dramatic death for myself."</p><p>"Really?" he replied, trying to lighten the mood while his chest tightened at her words. "I like to imagine I will die peacefully in my sleep as an old man, without much fuss and ado. Sounds much nicer, don't you think?"</p><p>The corners of her mouth lifted into a small smile, and he was glad to see some of the tension leave her face.</p><p>"Not exactly the stuff legends are made of but... yes, much nicer," she conceded. "Can you help me with my gloves?" she asked then, nodding towards the black items sitting on the table.</p><p>His knuckles brushed hers when he slid the leather glove over her hand, and the contact sent a sudden tingling through him. He repeated the movement with the second one, and this time it felt much less accidental, the way his fingers grazed over the back of her hand, and when he'd pulled the glove up all the way, his thumb lingered against the streak of bare skin at her wrist.</p><p>He could feel her pulse beneath his touch, a steady throb, warm and persistent and alive. Only this morning he'd woken up with her by his side, and he'd kissed her, had wanted to ask her if she could imagine a life with him — it seemed like such a long time ago now.</p><p>"Everything will be all right."</p><p>His voice came out rougher than he'd expected, and Calanthe tilted her chin up to meet his eyes, her own dark and heavy.</p><p>"Are you lying to me, Eist Tuirseach?"</p><p>There was no certainty, and yet, as he looked at her he felt it in his bones — the knowledge that he would make sure everything would be all right, (or die trying).</p><p>"Never."</p>
<hr/><p>Calanthe hated this, the moments before battle, like the calm before a storm when the air was already thick and charged with the inevitable. Calanthe liked control, and she did not like waiting. Standing on top of the hill, waiting for the enemy to arrive — it was driving her mad. Her mare shifted underneath her, just as impatient as its mistress.</p><p>The minutes dragged on, dripping lazily like honey. Then they came.</p><p>Her scouts had not exaggerated — they were many, crawling over the top of the hills like ants, until the horizon turned dark and the grass covering the hills became a sea of black, thousands of bodies moving towards them.</p><p>Her horse shifted again, taking a few steps forward. Had she unknowingly urged it on, or had it felt the sudden tension charging the air around it and become nervous, she did not know, but it felt like a sign — that their time of waiting was up.</p><p>She cast one last glance back at Eist, and he met her eyes with a determined expression that couldn't entirely hide his apprehension. But he gave her a small nod, and that was all she needed.</p><p>A roar arose from the enemy lines, and then they began to move, picking up in speed as they flooded towards them like black waves and she drew her own sword, and charged.</p><p> </p><p>Calanthe had fough many battles. Some were fast won, a quick bloodshed that ended almost as soon as it had begun. Others endured, and after days of fighting every muscle was sore and aching, hands and feet blistered and bleeding, making you almost wish to be dead and pain-free. And then there were some that evolved like a steadily climbing mess of utter chaos, and you became nothing more than a particle of that chaos, a single being trying to stay afloat, where everyone you fought with became scattered and dispersed and the outcome of the battle was only something the gods knew.</p><p>This battle was exactly like that. As soon as the two armies crashed into each other, their lines splintered like glass, hundreds of pieces flying everywhere.</p><p>Her own people were flashes of silver, visible here and there between masses of black-armored bodies. She didn't see Sir Danek anymore, nor Eist; it was her, her alone fighting tooth and nail against the swarm surrounding her. At some point her movements became mechanical, years of training and experience taking over, the only thought going through her head — <em>to stay alive, and keep fighting.</em></p><p>An enemy soldier tried to catch her off-guard, charging from the left; she cut him down easily enough. His blood splattered across her helmet, and she closed her eyes instinctively.</p><p>She blinked a few times and turned, and was faced with a man, two heads taller and twice as broad as her. His face was hidden behind his black helmet, the visor hinged down, and in his hand he held a morning star, with spikes long as fingers. It swayed threateningly on its chain as the man approached her, and Calanthe prepared herself. The first blow sent a quiver through her body as she bore the impact of the metal star against her shield. The second pushed her a couple of steps back. She tried to take a strike at him with her sword, but he blocked it carelessly before swinging his weapon again. The third time pushed her down on one knee.</p><p>She quickly got up again, but her legs trembled and the muscles in her arm ached. There was a distinct throbbing in her elbow, the once damaged bones screaming to remind her of the day they had shattered, and again the man swung the heavy iron ball against her, relentless, merciless.</p><p>Calanthe couldn't move, couldn't fight back, the pain filling her body and clouding her mind, eating her up. The man towered over her, his shape dark against the light of a half hidden sun.</p><p>And Calanthe knew: Just one more blow, that was all it would take – one blow, and her shield would splinter, or her arm. Through the ringing in her ears and the blinding pain she saw the man raise his weapon once more, ready to come crashing down on her, and Calanthe prepared herself for the impact that never came.</p><p>She heard the buzzing of the star, cutting through air, then a thud, and then nothing. Shield and sword glided from her hands and she fell forwards, knees pressing into the hard ground beneath her, palms digging into the dirt, and she was gasping and wheezing, out of exhaustion, and pain. With the last of her strength, she pulled her helmet off, feeling like it was suffocating her. The sound was dull when it hit the ground.</p><p>A voice called to her through the fog then, called her name, and suddenly, two hands cupped her face, tilting it up with gentle care.  </p><p>"Calanthe."  </p><p>Eist's face was stricken with fear and worry, his eyes roaming over her face, taking her in, checking for any sign that she wasn't okay.</p><p>"I'm fine,“ she muttered. "It's all right, I'm fine." </p><p>His thumbs brushed over her cheeks, and she could feel them tremble, just faintly. Then she noticed the blood.</p><p>"You're hurt," she gasped.</p><p>"It's not mine," he reassured her, wiping the blood from his forehead carelessly, still looking far too concerned with her than worrying about himself.</p><p>"We need to get out of here, if we want to make it back to Cintra."</p><p>"You're right," he said, looking around before something on his face changed and he turned back to her, looking determined now. "Give me a little time, then, when you hear the signal, rally your men and break your way through the horde. Make haste for Cintra and don't look back."</p><p>"No." She didn't know what it was she protested against, only knew that whatever he'd planned, she didn't want it.</p><p>He looked at her, drinking her in like it was the last time he would get to lay eyes on her.</p><p>"I'll come and find you."</p><p>"What are you going to do?" she asked, shaking her head forcefully.</p><p>Eist let his mouth turn into a half-smile.</p><p>"Something foolish."</p><p>Even now, in the middle of a battlefield he could find it in him to be tongue in cheek, and she wanted to kill him for it, before he got himself killed.</p><p>Calanthe was about to open her mouth to object, to forbid him from being an idiot when he pulled her to him and kissed her, hard. His lips were warm and comforting, and she almost forgot where they were, even when she tasted blood. She wanted to hold onto him for as long as she could, but he already pulled back, tilting her chin up so she would meet his eyes.</p><p>"Wait for the signal."</p><p>"No! Eist, no!" Her cries were drowned by the chaos around her, and when she blinked he had already disappeared between the bodies.</p><p>Her body froze.</p><p>She remained cowering in the spot where Eist had left her, she couldn't get up, couldn't move — her armor cold and unforgiving — and the noise of battle became a sharp ringing in her ears, cutting through her with the force of a blade, and she felt like her head was being split apart.</p><p>In this moment, she thought of her father, leaving the city and never returning. She thought of her late husband, pale and feverish in a bed. She thought of Pavetta, alone in the castle — what would happen to her if she didn't come back?</p><p>(Her arm throbbed, pushing pain through her body like a heart pumping blood.)</p><p>Finally, she thought of herself, not forgotten like her  father, not forgotten like her husband, but remembered. They would sing of her, when all of this was over — the song of her defeat. They would skin her memory and make a ballad out of it, decorative like a lion's skin spread across the stone floor.</p><p>She couldn't get up, her knees digging into the unyielding earth as if an invisible weight was pressing her down  —</p><p>(the weight of her kingdom. the weight of her daughter's life)</p><p>— she couldn't get up.</p><p>Through glazed over eyes she vaguely registered a shadow, clothed in black running towards her, sword raised high above his head. She closed her eyes, ready to accept her fate.</p><p> </p><p>Then, time stopped and everything went dark.</p><p> </p><p>The screams ebbed away, the metallic sound of swords turned dull and faint, and Calanthe was surrounded by darkness. No noise, no movement, no vision, not even pain. She was in a state of utter nothingness.</p><p>There was nothing, and then she heard a voice —</p><p>
  <em>You're not dead, Calanthe.</em>
</p><p>— a gentle voice, almost melodic.</p><p>"Not yet anyway," Calanthe murmured.</p><p>
  <em>You must fight.</em>
</p><p>"It's too late. We lost."</p><p>
  <em>I never knew you to give up.</em>
</p><p>And there it was, that chiding exasperated tone her mother used so often. But for the first time in her life it did not irk her, and the child in her wept.</p><p>"You were right," she confessed, "I can't do this alone."</p><p><em>You're not alone.</em>  </p><p>But she was, wasn't she? Her father, her mother, Roegner, Eist  — they had all left or were gone. It was just her, the only child of King Dagorad and Adalia the Seer, born neither prince nor mage. Just a girl with fangs and claws, trying to hide her deficits. Trying to make up for the fact that...</p><p>"I’m not like you," she gasped. "I don't have any powers."</p><p>There was a brush against her cheeks, warm and soft, like a loving caress.</p><p>
  <em>My love, my brave, sweet child. You are my daughter, the blood of Riannon. You? Have every power. So get up, and <span class="u">fight</span>.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Light flooded her vision and her surroundings returned, the chaos, the fighting armies still entangled with each other. The man who had charged her was lying face down on the ground before her, unmoving.</p><p>Calanthe pushed herself up at last, hands clasped around the hilt of her sword.  She was about to think of a plan when a horse emerged out of the crowd, and she recognised it as her mare. It trotted to her side, and she reached out to brush her hand over the grey colored mane, half to reassure herself it was real, before taking a hold of the saddle. The horse remained perfectly still when its mistress pulled herself onto its back.</p><p>From up here she could look over the bevy of helmets, black and silver. In the distance she saw the outlines of her city. She wondered how they could make their way back when suddenly there was an uproar. From the left flank came a flood of soldiers — few in numbers, but unstopping and with wild force, breaking through the enemy lines. Their silver armor reflected brightly even in the dim light of an overcast sky — silver armor... Cintra... Eist... — piercing into the thick mass of enemy soldiers, compelling their attention.</p><p>And Calanthe knew that it was time.</p><p>Over the noise and the commotion she raised her voice, and it rang clear and strong.</p><p>"Soldiers of Cintra, retreat," she called. "Your queen commands it. Retreat!"</p><p>
  <em>Retreat. Retreat.</em>
</p><p>The word was echoed over the battlefield, and, like a silver wave, her soldiers pushed through the mass of bodies, following their queen and general as she dashed forward, cleaving a way, cutting down enemy soldiers left and right, not stopping until she came out on the other side, and there was nothing standing between her and her kingdom's capital anymore.</p><p>She pulled the reins and urged her horse back, careering up and down the rows of her opponent's army, striking down whoever came in her way, until the walls of Cintra towered over them and the last of her men who had made it out was through the gate. The portcullis fell down and the heavy doors fell shut with a crack loud as thunder.</p><p>Calanthe spotted Sir Danek in the crowd and led her horse through, dismounting the mare when it came to a halt.</p><p>"Your majesty!" Danek exclaimed when he saw her.</p><p>"How many have made it back?" she asked, looking around the courtyard, filled with her soldiers, some looking better than others, but all bruised and battered.</p><p>"It's hard to tell yet," the knight responded, following her gaze. "Maybe a third."</p><p>Calanthe nodded. It had been a forlorn venture from the start, there'd never been a chance to win this battle, and that's not why they had fought it, after all. They'd fought to bide some time, sacrificing some to save the rest of the city. Now all she could do was hope that it was enough, that it would be enough, that their sacrifices hadn't been for nothing...</p><p>"And the king?" she pressed out, afraid to ask a question she might not want the answer for.</p><p>"I don't know, your majesty."</p><p>The knight looked at her, face dripping with sympathy and concern and she felt her inner walls harden, pushing down any emotions that would compromise her functionality, because that was what she had to be now — functioning, as queen and leader. She could not allow personal feelings to make her anything less so, not now.</p><p>Later, she told herself sternly. There would be time for that later.</p><p>Calanthe straightened her shoulders, ignoring the ache in her muscles.</p><p>"Send the wounded to the infirmary. Everyone else must protect the castle. Every man and woman who can hold a bow shall assemble on the walls — we cannot let Nilfgaard's army get too close. They mustn't break through the gate." She noticed the blood on Danek's face then, coming from a laceration on the side of his head, and her brows furrowed. "Your wound must be treated. Go see a physician for that."</p><p>"It's fine, your majesty."</p><p>"That was not a request, Sir Danek," she said sharply. "You're no good to me if you die from blood poisoning. Have your wound cleaned, and then join my advisors in my study."</p><p>There was no arguing from the man, he did as his queen commanded him. She looked around the courtyard, to those of her men who have made it back, who would return into battle right now without question if she commanded them, too.</p><p>"Will the Queen of Cintra listen to her own advice?"</p><p>Her heart nearly stopped at the sound of the familiar voice, and she was afraid to turn around, to realise she had imagined it.</p><p>"You should have a healer look at your arm, you know."</p><p>She turned around slowly eventually, her knees nearly giving in when she caught sight of his face, all splattered with blood but <em>alive</em> and here.</p><p>"Eist."</p><p>He met her halfway when she walked towards him in long strides, and the metal of their armor clanked when she crushed into him with force. It could barely count as a hug, her arms hanging loosely by her sides and her forehead pressed against the cold plate covering his chest, but he slid one arm around her shoulders and held her to him for a moment.</p><p>"Told you I'd find you," he murmured into her hair.</p><p>Calanthe took a step back, and she might have been tempted to smack him until she saw the expression on his face. There was none of the humor that she'd expected, no smug I-told-you-so pride, and she realised he might not have felt so certain he'd come back, either.</p><p>Did that make it better or worse? It meant he was no fool, but it also meant he was foolish enough to do something he knew was reckless. It meant he would willingly risk his life to save hers.</p><p>Worse, she decided. Definitely worse.</p><p>"Don't do that again," she said quietly.</p><p>Calanthe noticed how he never gave her a reply. Instead he asked:</p><p>"So are you going to see a healer?"</p><p> </p><p>She didn't.</p><p>Of course she didn't. Calanthe barely had time to get out of her breastplate and cuisses before they met with her advisors. Eist wasn't happy about that, but she wasn't happy with his recent life choices either so he really wasn't one to talk.</p><p>Danek joined them shortly after, and they were deep into discussion at how to defend the city most effectively when one of her captains burst into her study with an expression that could only mean bad news.</p><p>"Your majesty, Nilfgaardian soldiers have been sighted at the western wall, and... we think they're trying to break through the bars of the culvert."</p><p>"That is the weakest point of our wall," Sir Gerbold growled. "How could they know that?"</p><p>"How do they know it's there in the first place?" Brent asked, looking stricken. "It's hidden behind the willow trees, nobody should be able to see it from outside the city."</p><p>There was a silence and then Llewellyn said what everyone else was already thinking.</p><p>"Someone must have told them. Someone from the inside."</p><p>"Who?" Gerbold spluttered. "Who could possibly?"</p><p>Over the noise of her advisors arguing she heard Eist next to her suddenly murmuring, to himself and barely audible.</p><p>"Weakest point," he exhaled, his brows furrowed as if he'd just realised something.</p><p>Calanthe raised her hand and promptly everyone in the room fell quiet before she turned to Eist.</p><p>He met her eyes, and she didn't like the look she saw in them.</p><p>"The weakest point of the city," he repeated. "When they attacked Tigg on the same day that the baron was celebrating his birthday, that was no coincidence. They must have known in advance, and planned it, knowing it would be an easy thing to breach the fortress catching its residents off-guard. And —" he paused, and his lips set into a grim line. "— on the battlefield today. Calanthe, you didn't see it, but I did. That soldier was making a beeline for you. He didn't even engage with anyone else, he came straight for you. And then he kept attacking your shield arm, and nothing else. As if he knew... " He broke off again, taking a deep breath and when he continued, his voice was lowered, only for her to hear. "He knew that it had been damaged before. <em>Your</em> weakest point."</p><p>He didn't have to continue, the truth behind his words sinking in like hot oil, burning her insides. There were only very few people who knew her arm still bothered her, only a few people close enough to her who she would share such information with. And one of them had talked. As she looked into Eist's eyes, she knew he realised that, too.</p><p>Suddenly she raised her head, looked around the room, and something dawned on her.</p><p>"Has anyone seen Pavetta today?"</p><p>Her question was met with silence and dread filled every fiber of her body.</p><p>"Gentlemen," she said, and her voice quivered. "Where is my daughter?"</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>thank you for reading, i am very very very grapeful 🍇🍇<br/>stay safe everyone!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Chapter 16</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I'm back, and it only took me 10 years!<br/>(I'll never write action again, it's the worst)<br/>(also, I'm going really wild on canon here but this does contain mild hints at somewhat of a SPOILER so if you try to avoid those, this is your heads-up.)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong><em>5 hours earlier</em> </strong>
</p><p>
  <em>"Hey." </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Pavetta startled a little at the voice, but when she turned, she did so with a little smile to meet Duny's dark eyes, sparkling with mirth.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Hi," she said.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Ever since that day where he had unexpectedly appeared in their gardens, he'd hung around the castle, and Pavetta had begun sneaking out even at night to secretly meet with him. She loved spending time with him, because he was funny, and kind, and exciting, and he never seemed to think of her as boring or strange or expect her to behave a certain way. She was happy around him, and she liked the way he looked at her.Today, they'd met behind the stables. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"What's with all the fuss?" he asked her, sitting on a fence and taking a last bite out of an apple before dropping it.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Haven't you heard? Nilfgaard is invading."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Oh?" he said. "So now you're preparing for a siege?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Pavetta shook her head.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"My mother wants to meet them on the battlefield before they get here."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"She does?" the boy asked, brows furrowing briefly. "Why?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Pavetta shrugged. "I don't know. It's what I heard."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Duny was quiet for a moment. Then —</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"We should leave today," he said suddenly.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"What?" </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Don't you see," Duny said and jumped down from the fence. "We'll never get a chance like this again. In all this turmoil they won't notice that you're missing until we're already long gone."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I...can't," she said. They had talked about running away together all the time, but now that it became so real all of a sudden, she hesitated."My mother is going into battle, I can't just leave not knowing if she's okay, that wouldn't be right."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Nah, your mom will be fine. 'The invincible Lioness of Cintra'," he said, and there was a hint of mockery in his tone.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"You know she isn't," Pavetta said quietly.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Hey," Duny said and reached out, pulling her closer to him."You know I didn't mean it like that. She'll be fine, and you—" he wrapped his arms around her "— shouldn't have to worry about that. You have a good heart, Pavetta, but don't let that get in the way of finding your own path, your own destiny. You weren't meant to be the queen of a restrictive, conservative kingdom like this."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She chewed on her lip, considering his words. If she ran away, her mother might never forgive her. Pavetta was the only heir to the throne, and she knew she had a responsibility and a duty to her parents and the kingdom of Cintra. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>But... there was this voice in her head that told her she was not who she was supposed to be. Her father died years ago, and she never really saw him as king, he'd always just been her father, the one who let her have extra cake when she asked him, who would put her on his shoulders so she could pet the horses without getting scared of how big they were. Her mother had never coddled her like that, she'd always expected her daughter to be tougher than she was — and that would never change.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Okay," Pavetta said. "I'm coming with you. And where will we go?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"We could go south."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"South?" she asked scpetically. "I don't think that is a good idea, Duny. Haven't you heard about all the political unrest? Besides, it's not economically stable. I don't think we could make a good living there."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Duny's smile seemed plastered on his face, but something flickered in his eyes.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"How do you know it's not just Cintran propaganda you've been taught all your life to justify the cultural prejudices."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I... don't," she stammered, suddenly insecure. It was true, when people here talked about the south, especially the regions the furthest down the map, they talked about it like they were either a joke or simply awful. Pavetta didn't know if there was truth in any of it, but it's what she's been told her entire life, and the idea to move there made her feel uneasy. Besides —</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Nilfgaard is invading us right now," she said quietly. "Shouldn't we travel further away from all of this, than closer to it?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Duny looked at her for a moment, before he laughed easily.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"You know what, you're right. We will go wherever you wanna go. And if you want to go north, then we will." He took a step back, out of the embrace but kept her hands in his. "We slip out when everyone has ridden into battle, go down to the docks, get on a ship and we're gone. Off into a life of freedom, just you and me."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She smiled.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I'd like that."</em>
</p>
<hr/><p>Calanthe was pacing. </p><p>The fall of her steps was the only sound in the room, a forceful tapping against the stone floor — up and down... up and down... pausing, throwing a look to the door... then resuming the pace, up and down again, like a wild animal caged.  </p><p>Sir Gerbold opened his mouth at some point, but Eist caught his eye and silently shook his head, and for once, the man didn't argue and closed his mouth again.</p><p>It was maddening to watch, Calanthe's anxiousness spilling over and making even Eist's steady nerves flare high. But Gerbold couldn't ask the queen to sit down just as much as Eist couldn't get up and draw her into a hug. Both of it was not what she needed right now — her daughter was missing, and she needed to pace while all they could do was wait.</p><p>Her head snapped up when the door flew open and Eist immediately rose to his feet, too.</p><p>One look at the men's faces however gave away the answer before they even spoke up.</p><p>"We've looked everywhere, your majesty. There's no sign of her."</p><p>"She's nowhere on the castle grounds," Danek confirmed, "but we're not giving up, your majesty. We'll search the entire city, look into every house —"</p><p>"No."</p><p>Calanthe's reply surprised everyone in the room, but Eist had noticed how Calanthe's face had hardened, and there was a new fire burning in her eyes now, and Eist realised — she wasn't giving up; she was changing the game.</p><p>"You," she said, swirling around and pointing to a flaxen haired boy, "go and bring me Mousesack."</p><p>"The... Skelligen druid, your majesty?"</p><p>"Yes, of course the druid! Go."</p><p>Her ministers seemed baffled, and Eist knew why... it was no secret that Calanthe had avoided Mousesack ever since he moved to Cintra as Skelligen ambassador. Eist had never really figured out why. But Calanthe was desperate, and Eist wouldn't have expected anything less from her than exhausting all possibilities.</p><p>They didn't have to wait long until the druid arrived, looking around the room for a moment before settling his eyes on the queen.</p><p>"You called for me?"</p><p>"I did," Calanthe said as she stepped forward. "I need your skill set to track down the Princess Pavetta. I believe that there is a way?"</p><p>The druid looked serious. Eist noticed how he didn't respond right away, and when he did his words seemed measured.</p><p>"Yes, your majesty, it is possible. But a spell like that is a higher form of magic, and it requires the certain amount of... sacrifice."</p><p>"Fine."</p><p>"What sort of sacrifice?" Eist didn't like the look he saw on Mousesack's face, and it worried him how readily Calanthe agreed to this deal when he knew she must have realised that, too.</p><p>"Blood," the druid said simply. "In magic, you cannot take without giving. I can find the girl if I have the right blood to trace her with."</p><p>Mousesacks eyes drifted to Calanthe at his last words, and she didn't seem any less determined than before.</p><p>"All right," the druid said.</p><p>The advisors and Danek were ushered to the other side of the room, throwing sceptical glances in their direction from time to time as Calanthe sat down and stretched out her right arm to the druid, who had pulled his own chair in front of her.</p><p>He shook his head. "Your left arm, your majesty. The heart's side."</p><p>Eist saw the tension in Calanthe's jaw as she raised her left arm, her injured arm, and tried to fight back the pain it caused her. Mousesack took her hand and rolled up the sleeve of her tunic. When he pulled out a sharp knife and the small blade flashed up in the light, Eist jumped to his feet.</p><p>"Take my blood instead," he pleaded.</p><p>Both Mousesack and Calanthe turned their attention to him. Calanthe seemed mildly irritated at the sudden interference while the druid gave him a sympathetic smile.</p><p>"I'm afraid yours wouldn't suffice, my lord. <em>'I search for thee with blood of thy blood.</em>' This can only work with a close relative of the person missing, which you, my lord, are not."</p><p>There was no arguing with that.</p><p>Eist sank into the chair next to Calanthe. She hadn't said anything, and she didn't look at him now, but when he took a seat by her side she discreetly reached out and let her right hand slip into his. He suspected it was done more for his benefit than her own when Mousesack positioned the blade.</p><p>"If I did this to you against your will it would cause me great pain," he explained. "I've heard it could even kill the person performing the ritual. So I need your explicit consent for this."</p><p>"You have it," Calanthe said without hesitation. "Do whatever needs to be done."</p><p>Mousesack nodded.</p><p>"Have you ever done this before?"</p><p>The druid glanced up at Eist, and didn't reply. That was answer enough.</p><p>"Will you two stop wasting my time?" Calanthe snapped, and Mousesack lowered his eyes and began to cut.</p><p>The only indication that Calanthe was being affected by this was the way her grip tightened, and Eist squeezed her hand back with more reassurance than he felt himself.</p><p>The blood ran down her arm and Mousesack caught it in a small bowl. There was a metallic note in the dripping noise that made Eist's stomach turn. At last, the druid put away the knife. He pulled a bottle from his pocket that was filled with some grainy looking powder, from which he poured some into the bowl.</p><p>While the druid busied himself with his magic, Eist gently extracted his hand from Calanthe's grip and tore a piece from the tablecloth to press on Calanthe's arm and stop the bleeding. There were four cuts on the inside of her arm, the lines running together and forming a square.</p><p>Calanthe barely paid his actions any mind, too focused on watching the druid with sharp eyes.</p><p>Mousesack placed the vessel on the desk and sat down behind it. Then he tapped the edge of the bowl three times and suddenly, flames sprang up from its belly only to shrink down just as fast. The mixture of blood and powder sizzled and there was thick, white smoke which rose from the bowl in spirals.</p><p>The druid leaned forward, closed his eyes and began breathing the smoke in. They watched the vapor disappear into his nostrils, until there was none left. For a moment, nothing happened.</p><p>Then, the druid's eyes snapped open.</p><p>"She's on a ship."</p><p>"What ship?" Calanthe asked immediately. "Going where? With whom?"</p><p>"I'm sorry, you majesty, that's all I know. I saw her on a ship at sea. But where she is and where she's headed, I could not say."</p><p>A frustrated sound escaped Calanthe's throat, and Eist saw hope drain from her face like the blood she'd just given.</p><p>"It's not all lost," he said, squeezing her hand to make her look at him. "My ship is still at the harbor, and so are my men, ready to leave whenever. We can go to the docks and ask around, someone must have seen her leave, and then we can follow."</p><p>Calanthe pressed her lips together, but then nodded. She didn't question him how he meant to find her if they didn't even know which direction the girl was headed, and he was glad, because he couldn't have given her an answer. (She probably knew that, which was exactly the reason why she didn't ask.)</p><p>One problem at a time, Eist thought. And for now, there was another problem they had to solve first.</p><p>"How will we make it past Nilfgaard's army?"</p><p>The city was besieged and surrounded, it would be impossible to slip out and not run into enemy soldiers. But Calanthe waved it off.</p><p>"I know a way out of this castle without being seen," Calanthe replied. "— and we should leave immediately, we cannot afford to waste any more time."</p><p>Calanthe went to talk to her ministers, while Eist went over the plan in his head.</p><p>"You know there is a chance she hasn't 'gone missing', right?" the druid next to him spoke up.</p><p>"Yes," Eist said, shooting a look towards Calanthe, who was giving instructions to Danek and her advisors. "And she knows it, too. But it is still possible that the princess didn't leave by her own choice, and in that case we have to find her."</p><p>"What happens if you do, and she doesn't want to come back?"</p><p>Eist cast Calanthe another glance to find her looking back at him. The little crease had appeared between her brows and he felt like she knew exactly what they were talking about.</p><p>"We'll cross that bridge when we get there."</p>
<hr/><p>Calanthe hadn't promised too much. They walked down a flight of stairs until they reached the vaults. From there, they walked past a couple of cells and storage rooms until she stopped in front of an inconspicuous-looking wooden door that he would have taken for one just like all the others</p><p>Behind it, however, was no storage room, but a tunnel.</p><p>Calanthe shot him a brief glance before she raised her torch and disappeared inside.</p><p>She led him through the tunnel that seemed to drag on endlessly, with twists and turns that left Eist disoriented soon. Calanthe on the other hand never hesitated once, choosing each turn with absolute assurance as she walked with long strides. The torch fire threw their shadows on the walls, with long limbs and bizarrely stretched, following them through the dark.</p><p>They took another turn and stopped abruptly when they found themselves in front of a small exit, barely a meter in height and barred. Calanthe leaned down and ran her palm over the wall next to it.</p><p>"Aha," she murmured, apparently having found what she was looking for, and pressed her fingers into a small pit in one of the bricks.</p><p>Suddenly, there was a metallic snap and the barred doorframe swung open. Calanthe dropped the torch on the stone floor to burn out on its own and disappeared.</p><p>When Eist stepped into the open air the first thing he felt was a sudden pressure against his chest and he realised Calanthe had reached out to stop him from taking another step. He look down and realised they came out at the north side of the wall, where the Yaruga River flowed past the castle and wound itself deeper into the land.</p><p>Had he taken one more step his feet would have found themselves sinking into the muddy riverbed, so narrow was the ledge they were standing on.</p><p>"This way," Calanthe murmured.</p><p>Somewhere in the distance, he could hear the sounds of battle, but here, shielded by the thick reeds, no one noticed when they snuck along the city wall, making their way over the narrow path, careful not to take a wrong step.  </p><p>The noises died down the further they went, following the course of the river. All the while, Eist's head was buzzing with thoughts. Nobody knew for sure when Pavetta had left the castle, for all they knew she could have been gone for hours. Would they be able to catch up with them? And even if they did, would they find them in the darkness on an endless ocean. It was like looking for a needle in a haystack. Hopeless, he thought. And yet, they had to try.</p><p> </p><p>The sun was barely a sliver at the distant horizon when they arrived at the harbor, turning the waves into a deep red.</p><p> </p><p>They had decided that Eist would do the asking around, because he was more familiar with the place, and because they both agreed that it would be best for Calanthe not to be recognised, if could be avoided. She didn't look very queenly with her arguably simple blue coat and hurriedly braided hair, but Eist had always known she had a presence to her that made her stand out, whether clad in a crown or in rags.</p><p>The first five people he asked after an ashen-haired teenage girl knew nothing. Neither did the next three. After the eleventh fruitless conversation, he was beginning to lose all hope.</p><p>It was the harbor watchman who they finally had some luck with.</p><p>"Yes," the grim-looking, grey-haired man began slowly, "I believe I did see a girl like that comin' by today. Went on a ship, together with another boy, around this evenin'."</p><p>"A boy?" Calanthe asked, her initial plan not to draw any attention to herself forgotten.</p><p>"Aye," the man said, brows wrinkling as he looked at Calanthe, and Eist had the feeling the man was trying to figure out where he'd seen her before.</p><p>"Do you know where they went?" he quickly asked, stepping a little in front of Calanthe to draw the watchmen's focus back to him.</p><p>The man blinked, and then shrugged.</p><p>"Left the harbor, eh? Where to, I wouldn't know. Although," he said, a pondering expression coming over his face, "t'was a strange ship. Never seen one like that before. Had this black triangular sail."</p><p>Eist shot Calanthe an alarmed look, and from the way her face mirrored his, he knew she was thinking the same thing.</p><p>"Thank you," Eist said to the man and handed him some coin.</p><p>"Do you think it's possible?" Eist whispered when the man was out of earshot.</p><p>"Would be a big, fucking coincidence for my daughter to disappear the same day as Nilfgaard attacks with no correlation."</p><p>"So we're going south?" he asked. "It's a risk, we might be jumping to the wrong conclusions."</p><p>Calanthe hesitated.</p><p> Her eyes drifted inlands, where somewhere Nilfgaardian soldiers were trying to storm her city, where her people fought a hopeless fight in the hopes that Skelligen reinforcements would soon arrive and save an entire kingdom from doom.</p><p>Then she looked back towards the sea, and her face was basked in a dark red as her eyes narrowed.</p>
<hr/><p>There was no place in the world, not even the house he grew up in where he felt more at ease, more like he belonged than on the deck of his ship. The great sea serpent's head carved into the bow sneered at the restless sea that was rocking the vessel, and waves thrashed against the flanks as it gracefully rolled over them.</p><p>It had gotten dark by now, and a rough wind whipped around the ship. They'd left Cintra at dusk, where the air was still warm from summer and the earth heated from the sun. Out here, where winds would blow freely and the sunrays couldn't sink into the ever moving waters, the days were cool and the nights were colder.</p><p>"Here," Eist said when he found Calanthe sitting on a trunk on deck, holding out a pullover to her.</p><p>Calanthe only looked up briefly before she shook her head.</p><p>"It's made from Skelligen sheep wool, it'll keep you warm."</p><p>"I'm fine," she replied dismissively.</p><p>"Mhm, and let's keep it that way."</p><p>She shot him an annoyed look that would have scared most people away, but not him. He knew she wasn't really angry at him for his concern. It was a knee-jerk reaction she must have internalised over the years, out of pride and self-preservation. But she didn't really mind other people's concern, it just had to be genuine, and pity on whoever tried to patronise her, he thought. Eist kept his hand stretched out, and added, "— do it for my sake?"</p><p>"Fine," she growled and snatched the sweater from him, pulling it over. It was a little too big for her, her hands disappearing in the long sleeves of it.</p><p>Eist took a seat on the trunk next to her, his shoulder brushing hers just faintly.</p><p>It was Calanthe who broke the silence.</p><p>"This is a ludicrous endeavor, isn't it?"</p><p>"Yes," Eist said gently. "But it's the right thing to do."</p><p>"Is it?" She gave him a sceptical look that couldn't quite hide the worry. "I know what you and the druid think — that Pavetta has run away. So is it the right thing to go after my daughter who might or might not have fraternised with our enemy and eventually sacrifice my kingdom for it?"</p><p>"What do you think?" he asked her in return. It was neither confirmation nor denial, neither comfort nor judgment. It was all he could offer her right now, and he wished there was more.</p><p>Calanthe hugged the pullover closer, keeping her gaze fixed on the wooden floor, faintly shimmering in the pale moonlight.</p><p>"She's my daughter," she finally said, "who is going to fight for her if not me?"</p><p>And his chest burned with such affection for her that he would have kissed her in that moment if they hadn't been on the middle of a deck, surrounded by the men of his crew.</p><p>Instead, he reached out and covered her hand, still hidden inside the woolen sleeve, with his own.</p><p>"We'll find her," he told her firmly.</p><p>Calanthe made a disbelieving sound at the back of her throat, and he felt her hand move slightly beneath his palm</p><p>"I rebelled a lot, before I acceded to the throne," she said suddenly. "Especially against the decorum regarding gender expectations. I gave my parents and my tutors a hard time, and I was never as well-behaved as I should have been. But when it came to my royal duties, I always did what was needed from me. Not because I wanted to, necessarily, it just always felt... right, like I was always meant to be that person. I was born a princess, but I've been raised to be a king."</p><p>She paused.</p><p>"My Pavetta... she was born a princess, and I thought I was preparing her for it, but... I think I got it all wrong," she confessed.</p><p>"How do you mean?"</p><p>Calanthe pressed her lips together, but then she met his eyes and it was like a wall inside them crumbled.</p><p>"There's something I never told you, about the women in my family." She took a deep breath. "We —"</p><p>"Captain!"</p><p>They immediately jumped to their feet at the seaman's shout, and saw him pointing ahead into the darkness, where the outlines of a ship appeared , coming closer and closer. "— there!"</p>
<hr/><p>
  <strong> <em>1 hour earlier</em> </strong>
</p><p>
  <em>It was a full moon, and it reflected back from the dark ocean waters. She was glad for it, it would have been awfully dark out here. There was an uneasy feeling in her stomach. She'd hoped to feel a weight lifting off her chest when she saw the outlines of Cintra turn fainter and fainter, or excitement when she stepped on the deck of the ship, heading towards her freedom, a life that belonged to her.  <br/>
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>But out here, surrounded by nothing but water, with mostly unfamiliar faces around her, she was hit by a sadness that sat like a lump in her throat. She tried swallowing it down forcefully. No tears, she told herself firmly. She'd wanted this, this was a good thing.  <br/>
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She stepped towards the railing, curling her hand around the cool wood and let her eyes drift heavenwards. It was a cloudless sky, the moon shone bright and the firmament was flickering with stars. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Her eyes wandered over the night sky, and the longer she looked the more her brows furrowed. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Pavetta." </em>
</p><p>
  <em>She turned towards the voice and was met with Duny's bright smile. He always seemed happy when he saw her, and it always made her feel so giddy and excited. But now, there was something else on her mind.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"What are you doing up here?" Duny asked as he came to stand by her side. "It's cold, you'll catch something."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I couldn't sleep," she replied absentmindedly, "Duny... does the Captain know where we are going?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>His eyebrows shot together, equally bewildered and amused.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"'Course he knows."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"How does he know he's going the right way?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"He has a compass, silly," he laughed. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I think we should tell him the thing is broken because north is in the other direction." </em>
</p><p>
  <em>There was a moment where Duny's face went through a couple of emotions – surprise, irritation, and for a split second, the shame of being caught. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>She took a step back. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"You already knew that, didn't you?" Shock and confusion and a terrible realisation sank into the pit of her stomach like a rock, making her feel nauseous. "We're travelling south because that was always the plan."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Pavetta watched his mouth open and close a couple of times.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Look, Pavetta," he said, trying to take her hand but she pulled away, taking another step back.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"You lied," she whispered. "I trusted you and you lied to me! Why would you lie?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I did this for you, Pavetta," Duny said, inching towards her like she was some frightened deer, and she instinctively took several more steps back until she hit the railing of the ship's stern. Her head was buzzing; she saw Duny move his mouth, talking insistently to her, but she caught only snippets of it. (saved you — would've died — kingdoms must fall — a new age —) </em>
</p><p>
  <em>She shook her head, and one thought pushed itself to the front of her mind.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Take me back to Cintra."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He fell quiet at that, so she pressed on.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Duny. Take me back."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I can't do that."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Her back pressed into the hard wood of the railing, and she could hear the water as it thrashed and foamed behind her. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"There's nothing to take you back to," he said almost gently. "Cintra is no more."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Her lips began to quiver.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Look, it's okay," he reassured her. "I promise. This is how it's supposed to be — you and me, we're meant for greater things. It's destiny."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She felt her heart pump in her chest, a lion's heart, felt the heat of her blood coursing through her veins, ancient and powerful, and in that moment Pavetta knew, she could be anything.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I make my own destiny," she said, and jumped.</em>
</p>
<hr/><p>The unknown ship was getting closer, and Eist soon realised that the sails were hauled, and it wasn't moving, it was just drifting in the middle of the ocean. Why, he thought, frowning. Something was off.</p><p>And then he spotted the hair.</p><p>Ghostly white hair fluttering in the wind, drawing all the moonlight to that one spot at the stern of the ship where a slender figure was standing on the rail, holding onto a part of the rigging.</p><p>"Pavetta," Calanthe gasped next to him. "Pavetta!"</p><p>Even from afar, he saw the figure on the railing turning towards them, and he thought he could see the girl's eyes widen. Then, she faltered, and he briefly saw another shadow pulling her down, back onto the ship.</p><p>"No!" Calanthe exclaimed, and Eist bellowed orders to his men to prepare for takeover.</p><p>They had almost caught up with the ship, when it started to move.  It was quickly picking up speed, but so were they. Eist wasn' worried — Skelligen ships sailed by Islanders would outpace any sea vessel, always.</p><p>The two ships raced over the waves like arrows, but soon enough, their ship gained on the Nilfgaardian's, and when they were nearly parallelly aligned, Eist gave the command.</p><p>Close to twenty hooks were thrown over the distance gaping between their ships, scratching over the wood and eventually clinging to the railings, holding their vessels together as the Islanders slowed the ship. The ropes gnarled, but they held.</p><p>Now unable to maneuver the Nilfgaardian ship had no other choice but to follow the Skelligen's lead. The other vessel wavered and juddered and came to a halt. As soon as the sides of the ships grazed, the Islanders leapt.</p><p>The moment they stepped on the other ship's deck, they were faced with their enemy waiting for them, swords raised. They were outnumbered, Eist saw that at one glance, but he was not worried — they were on a ship, out in open waters. This was their kingdom, and no mainlander could conquer them here.</p><p>A movement got his attention, and then he caught sight of a silver head , barely visible through the thick mass of bodies in front of her.</p><p>Pavetta stood behind the emeny's lines, guarded by two men, holding her in place with big hands closed tightly around her slender arms.</p><p>He felt Calanthe next to him shift, as if she wanted to move forward, and he instinctively reached for her, hand closing around her wrist. Her hand jerked under his grip, but she waited.</p><p>"We're not looking for a fight," Eist said calmly. "All of this can end once you let the princess go."</p><p>"And why would I do that?"</p><p>A boy stepped forward. Hardly a boy, Eist corrected himself as he studied the lad. More so a young man of at least twenty years, with dark locks and an angular, handsome face.</p><p>"So I don't rip your guts out and feed them to the fish," Calanthe growled next to him.</p><p>The boy chuckled disparagingly, and Eist wasn't sure if he feigned his confidence or was really that much of an idiot, because there was no way this was going to end well for him. If they saved Pavetta, Calanthe would kill him. If they couldn't save her... well, then Calanthe would kill him all the more.</p><p>"It doesn't have to end that way," Eist tried to reason with him. "Give us the princess, and we'll leave."</p><p>"I can't do that. Princess Pavetta needs to go back with me."</p><p>"Over my dead body," Calanthe snarled.</p><p>"That was the plan," the boy replied coldly, and Eist felt his hand tighten into a fist around the handle of his sword. He'd almost lost her today, and the memory of the fear he'd felt was still vivid in his mind.</p><p>Eist mustered the young man. He didn't seem old enough to be a general, or a captain. And yet, all the men looked to him, following his orders.</p><p>"Who are you?" Eist asked, voice hard now and not pretending to be nice anymore.</p><p>"Wouldn't you like to know," the lad responded with an arrogant smile.</p><p>"I don't give a fuck who you are." Calanthe stepped forward at last. "Give me my daughter back, <em>now</em>."</p><p>The dark haired boy raised his own sword.</p><p>"What makes you think she wants to come back with you?"</p><p> </p><p>Calanthe snapped.</p><p> </p><p>The moment her blade collided with the boy's, all hell broke loose as both sides charged at each other. Eist found himself immediately faced with a square-chinned man, who he stroke down easily, when another one attacked.</p><p>Fighting on a ship was different than fighting on flat land. The space was tighter, and one had to counterbalance the rocking of the ship beneath one's feet. Islanders were trained well for that...</p><p>... Nilfgaard was not. Each of Eist's men was worth at least three of their enemy and it didn't matter that they were outnumbered by far, the Nilfgaardian soldiers dropped like flies.</p><p>Even in the middle of fighting his own fight, Eist couldn't help himself from shooting glances over at Calanthe. She'd gone straight for the boy when the battle had erupted, and her entire focus was set on him as she poured everything she had left in her into the duel.</p><p>Under ordinary circumstances, Calanthe could have beaten him in no time, Eist was sure of that. But after this hell of a day, where each and every muscle and limb was weary and strained, the boy's youth and physique gave him a deciding advantage. And yet, Calanthe countered each stroke with ferocity, fueled by a deep-rooted, hot-burning rage.</p><p>He prayed it would be enough.</p><p>Eist tried to keep an eye on them as much as he could while dealing with his own opponents. He cut down one, and disarmed another, and was just thinking about to turn and join Calanthe in her fight when he heard a bloodcurdling, high-pitched cry.</p><p>
  <em>"Mother, no!"</em>
</p><p>He whipped around, fear flooding every part of his body.</p><p>Calanthe stood with her blade hovering just a finger-width away from the boy's throat, whose eyes were shut tightly. His sword lay useless a few steps behind him, as if it had hurdled from his hands at some point during the fight.</p><p>The blade trembled, and Eist realised it was Calanthe shaking. Pavetta stood a few feet away, looking stricken with panic.</p><p>"Don't kill him," she pleaded with her mother.</p><p>Calanthe's lips pressed together, and the tip of the sword still trembled, ready to pierce into the soft white flesh. But then, almost to his own surprise, Calanthe lowered her sword, and her arm fell to her side, exhausted and limp.</p><p>She gave the boy in front of her another disdainful look, before turning her eyes to Pavetta.</p><p>"Come," she said, her voice sounding just as weary as she looked. "Let's get you home."</p><p>The girl nodded and began to move.</p><p> </p><p>Then, everything happened very fast.</p><p> </p><p>Calanthe turned around, finding his gaze to signal him to return to his ship. Behind her, the faint figure of the boy moved and bent. The next thing Eist saw was the blade flashing in the moonlight as it darted down directly towards her, he felt his own heart stop, and then — a scream.</p><p>It was the most terrible and devastating thing he had ever heard in all his life. That was the thought going through his head before an invisible force hit him, throwing him backwards.</p><p>The scream continued, and he felt like it was splitting his head in half. But even through the noise and the pain he noticed how the winds picked up, and the ship beneath them began to shake as the waves grew more violent, tossing the vessel around like a mere nutshell.</p><p><em>Calanthe.</em> Where was Calanthe?</p><p>He forced himself to move, to push himself up and look around. It was hard to breathe, or to keep his eyes open, so strong was the wind whipping around his face. There were bodies lying all across the ship, some fallen during the fight, others just knocked down from the blast. He spotted her at the other side of the deck, lying face down and motionless.</p><p>He had to get to her, that was the thought replaying over and over in his head as he crawled towards her, trying to block out the piercing cry. Inch by inch he pushed himself over the planks, until he was by her side and Eist used his entire body to shield her from the wind and everything else that might harm her.</p><p>But the storm didn't stop, and the ship quaked when the ropes snapped, and still he could hear the scream, louder even than the raging sea and the roaring of the winds.</p><p>Finally, he looked up to find the source of chaos.</p><p>In the middle of the ship stood Pavetta, perfectly still as she wreaked havoc all around her like a vengeful deity. Her gentle face was twisted into a grimace of anguish and from her open mouth came the never-ending sound that stormed the world.</p><p>It left him absolutely shocked. He did not understand what was happening, and fear overcame him, fear for the girl, and fear of whatever was raving inside of her.</p><p>Next to him, Calanthe stirred. He helped her sit up, still trying to shield her as much as he could as she pushed herself up and her eyes searched for her child. Her lips formed a silent <em>oh</em> when she found her.</p><p>For a moment, he wondered that there was none of the shock he felt reflected on her face. Instead, there were tears in her eyes as she looked at her daughter with... understanding?</p><p>He didn't have time to ponder on it because right then the ship planks creaked emphatically and Eist knew he had to stop whatever was happening, and however he could, before the ship would break apart and the sea would swallow them all.</p><p>It took every ounce of energy he had left in him to raise himself to his feet and stay there, against the winds and the wavering ship. He tried to take a step forward, but it was impossible — Pavetta was at the eye of the storm, cocooned in the whirlwind around her.</p><p>Suddenly, there was an ear-splitting crash as the two ships collided, thrown together by the waves, and the sea serpent's head pierced into the side of Nilfgaard's vessel. The impact shook both ships with the strength of an earthquake, and Eist lost his footing. His knees hit the deck with force, sending a sharp pain through his body that he pushed back, jumping back up almost immediately. The ship rocked violently beneath him, shaken by the unsettled sea, but that was something he was used to.</p><p>The scream had died abruptly with the crash, and when he looked around he saw why: The collision must have thrown Pavetta to the ground. He saw her move, though, and had to hope she was unhurt. Along with the sound coming from the girl, the winds had stopped, too, but the sea was still restless, and he heard the wood of the Nilfgaardian ship bend and creak dangerously.</p><p>Other bodies began to move, too. He recognised a lot of them as his own men, and was relieved to see how many had made it.</p><p>"We need to get off this ship," Eist announced loudly and grabbed Calanthe's hand, pulling her up to her feet.</p><p>A Skelligen went to the princess and picked her up and together they made their way off the damaged ship and back onto their own.</p><p>The head of the serpent broke off when they set the sails to reverse the ship, bringing as much space between themselves and the other ship as possible, but apart from that, their longboat seemed intact. He would have been proud, had he not felt so worn out.</p><p> </p><p>The black gap between both ships widened swiftly and from afar, they watched as the other ship broke apart and disappeared between the waves.</p><p>Pavetta turned her head and buried her face against her mother's chest, and Calanthe wrapped her arms around the girl and held her close, stroking her hair and murmuring comforting words to her.</p><p>"I want to go home," he heard the girl whisper.</p><p>"We will," Calanthe replied.</p><p>Her eyes found his, and it was a silent exchange between them, carrying all the reassurance he needed in that moment. It was enough to know that Calanthe was safe, that Pavetta was safe, and that the hell of this day was over;</p><p>
  <em>well, almost.</em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>thank you for reading and your patience ♥ the next chapter will be softer again,,, this just.. needed to be dealt with, gah.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Chapter 17</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Calanthe was shivering.</p><p>The woolen shirt Eist had given her earlier was soaked through, clinging to her like a second, ice-cold skin, and not even the makeshift tent they'd thrown over the rear half of the ship as a cover could shield her enough from the harsh winds. And then there was the lack of food and rest that made her traitorous body all the more reluctant to fight off the cold.</p><p>She couldn't remember the last time she had felt so tired, but as exhausted as she was, it was impossible to fall asleep when her mind was racing. Besides, the cold would have kept her awake anyway.</p><p>At least her daughter was fine. She let her gaze drop to the sleeping girl whose head was resting in her lap at this very moment, gently running her fingers through the ashen-blonde hair. When the storm had broken loose, Pavetta's magic had sheltered her from the wind and the water so that she'd remained unharmed, and mostly dry.</p><p>The moment they had settled on Eist's ship, the girl had fallen asleep. Calanthe assumed it had something to do with the eruption of her powers and the physical and mental toll it must have taken on her.</p><p>The Elder Blood.</p><p>All these years, Calanthe had been so sure she had broken the line, that her mother's gift, her powers, had not been passed onto her, nor onto her own daughter. (She'd been sure because it was what she'd wanted to believe, a small voice inside her head whispered.) But she'd been wrong.</p><p>She'd been wrong about many things.</p><p>And because of it, she had almost lost her daughter and maybe, come morning, her kingdom too.</p><p>She looked down at her lap, carefully stroking her daughter's hair, watching the calm expression on her face. Only from time to time would her eyes move under her closed lids, a subtle hint that her sleep wasn't as peaceful as it might appear.</p><p>And here was another realisation: The world was not like it was in the tales her daughter liked to read about, but maybe it wasn't as lonely as Calanthe thought it had to be, either — perhaps there was no knight coming to your rescue (but there were Eist's hands cupping her face as she'd fallen to her knees), no fairy godmother holding  your hand (but the voice of her mother, telling her to fight) and every handsome prince could turn out to be a monster... well, that one stood true at least. <em>Son of a bitch.</em></p><p>A sigh shook her out of her thoughts.</p><p>"I'm pretty certain there was a reason I gave you <em>more than one</em> blanket —" Eist had appeared in the tent and looked down at her with an almost despaired expression"— and it was not so you could wrap your kid up in all of them and freeze to death yourself."</p><p>Calanthe's nonchalant shrug was accompanied by a violent shiver. "You know she doesn't like the cold."</p><p>His face softened.</p><p>"Think she can handle one blanket less?" he asked and raised an eyebrow at her. "Also, I brought you something dry to put on."</p><p>She was certain she could hear the dripping of water on wood coming from her pullover, that was how drenched it still was, and the thought of getting out of it was tempting.</p><p>Calanthe carefully lifted her daughter's head, and Eist used one of the blankets to push under it as a pillow. He helped her up, and though she didn't say anything, she was grateful because she didn't trust her legs at this point. </p><p>"Seven seas," he cursed when his hand closed around hers and realised it was colder than an ice block. He quickly cast a glance over his shoulder, to the sparsely moonlit figures of his crew, but none of them seemed to notice the pair, or maybe they simply knew better than to peep on their Jarl's wife.</p><p>"I can't give you more privacy than that," Eist said apologetically when he turned back to her but she brushed it off.</p><p>"I never cared much for modesty, got no reason to start now."</p><p>A small smile flashed over his face and it was still in his eyes even as he moved his body in front of hers in an attempt to block her at least a little bit from view.</p><p>Her tunic rode up, too, when she tugged  on the sweater and she involuntarily shivered when the cold air hit her skin.</p><p>"What if one of your men sneaks a peek?" Calanthe asked with a sly smile as Eist helped her get rid of the fabrics. They hit the ground with a wet smacking noise.</p><p>"I'll throw him over board to defend your honor," Eist quipped and pulled the dry shirt over her head.</p><p>"Hmm how noble."</p><p>She could feel his hands brushing against her sides when he tugged the fabric down, and she noted how ridiculously warm they were, even under these conditions. Another shiver shook her when her skin began to tingle where his fingertips grazed the small of her back.</p><p>Eist must have noticed because she felt his hands slow down and linger.</p><p>"It's just the cold," she murmured. "Don't get any ideas."</p><p>"Never," he replied, but the corners of his mouth twitched and he didn't pull away, either.</p><p>Suddenly, she was overcome with the strong wish to be back in Cintra, in a soft and comfortable bed, with a fire crackling in the fireplace and possibly... yes, possibly falling asleep in his warm embrace. It had felt so <em>right</em>, in a way she didn't understand.</p><p>She'd been so used to sleeping alone, even a shared bed had never tempted her into marital intimacy. There had been some awkwardness in the early years of her first marriage, but that had disappeared as soon as they had realised that neither of them wanted or needed any particular closeness out of this union.</p><p>It had been good politics, and they'd liked each other well enough. What more could one expect from a marriage — ?</p><p>Eist's hands were coarse from his years as a sailor, and gentle as he rubbed comforting circles on her skin with his thumbs. (— this, she thought. Maybe this.)</p><p>"Calanthe?"</p><p>Her eyes snapped up and found Eist looking at her, curiously.</p><p>"Where did you just go? You seemed miles away."</p><p>"Cintra," she said vaguely. Barely lie, barely truth.</p><p>His expression turned more serious again, jumping to the conclusion that suited her better in this moment.</p><p>"We'll be back soon," he said softly. "Then we'll know."</p><p>There was a sound of fabric rustling coming from behind her, and when she turned she saw that Pavetta had begun to stir, pushing herself up into a sitting position. Calanthe quickly took a step back, and Eist's hand fell from her waist.</p><p>"How are you feeling?" Calanthe asked her daughter as she sat down next to her, while Eist took a seat at the opposite rowing bench.</p><p>"I'm all right," Pavetta replied. Her daughter's eyes landed on her and she saw them widen, a definite tell, that — "I'm so sorry, mother, I'm really so so sorry," she spluttered as tears began to flood her eyes and spill over, "for running away and not leaving a note and putting you all in danger, I didn't know this would happen, I didn't —"</p><p>"I know," Calanthe said as the girl buried her face in her shoulder. Her shoulders shook with her sobs and Calanthe put her arm around them, a fair attempt at offering comfort. "I know," she repeated.</p><p>It took a few minutes before the girl's cries ebbed off and her chest stopped heaving, and Calanthe and Eist waited, giving her the time she needed to let all the bottled up emotions go. When she looked up again, she was wiping the tears from her face and gave them a soft smile. Calanthe almost envied her, for how freely she could find that relief — like the sky relieving itself into shower of rain, only for the sun to come out moments later. Nothing could bring her down for long, and that was its own kind of strength.</p><p>"Better?" she asked her daughter softly, and she nodded emphatically.</p><p>"Yeah, better."</p><p>"So," Eist began after a while. He didn't continue, but it didn't take a great deal of people skills to realise there was a question lying on the tip of his tongue, ready to jump out as his eyes flickered back and forth between Calanthe and her daughter.</p><p>"Yeah, so —" He cleared his throat, "on that ship. What exactly happened?"</p><p>Calanthe was almost amused because, from the looks of it, that question must have been buzzing around in his mind for a while now.</p><p>Pavetta shook her head slightly, as if that could rattle her thoughts into the right order. "I don't know, actually."</p><p>Calanthe took a deep breath. It was a moment she had anticipated and dreaded all the same.</p><p>"I'm sure you've heard a story or two about your grandmother, Pavetta?"</p><p>The girl's brows furrowed in confusion when she looked at her mother, but then, recognition dawned on her face.</p><p>"Yes," she said slowly. "The first gardener we've had once told me my grandmother could raise a drawbridge with a twitch of her eyebrows." She shot her mother another sceptical look. "I always thought he was trying to hoax me, he seemed a little quaint."</p><p>"Figured he would blabber," Calanthe murmured, more to herself, before meeting the girl's eyes. "But he was right, she could — that, and so much more. It's the elder blood flowing through our veins, passed on through generations. For your grandmother, it manifested itself in the power of magic. She never trained to become a sorceress, by her own choice, but she used her powers a number of times."</p><p>A wind swept through the tent, making her pause when a chill ghosted down her spine. She suppressed a shiver, before she continued.</p><p>"When I was born, there were speculations if I had inherited my mother's gift. I knew people waited for me to suddenly display similar powers, always watching me closely." Her mouth turned into a sarcastic smile. "Obviously that never happened, and I compensated well for it so they soon forgot their disappointment.</p><p>Then you were born, and the cycle began anew. Those who had known my mother began to wonder, especially when our old librarian at that time announced that it was not unheard of that magical gifts would skip one or two generations. Your father and I agreed that we did not want to allow such talks around you, and raise you like any other princess would be raised. So we forbade the mention of your potential heritage, and kept magic users away from you if possible. I thought I was doing it for good reasons; I told myself I didn't want such expectations pushed on you, burden you in addition to the burdens you already had to carry as heir to the throne."</p><p>She paused again, pointedly ignoring both Eist's and Pavetta's eyes. She didn't want to see the way they looked at her, see the judgment in their eyes.</p><p>"By the time you turned seven and there were still no signs of magical powers, I had convinced myself that you were just like me, so there was no reason to teach you about your heritage, because it didn't matter anymore but —" she hesitated, pressing her lips together briefly, "— had that been true, I wouldn't have been so afraid of letting you learn the truth; learn either that you were normal like me, or learn that you were special like your grandmother, and grow to spurn me in both cases."</p><p>She heard a soft exhale and when she looked up, she saw that Eist was watching her, and there was an expression of realisation on his face. There was no sign of disappointment though, nor judgment, and she felt oddly relieved. Finally, she could turn to her daughter, looking her straight in the eyes.</p><p>"I shouldn't have denied you the truth. When I saw you on that ship... I knew that that was who you were meant to be. You should have been allowed to figure it out sooner, instead of pushing my own expectations on you. I exchanged one evil for another, and... I'm sorry."</p><p>Pavetta's eyes were shimmering pools of green, filled with unshed tears and empathy.</p><p>"I know," she whispered.</p><p> </p><p>"I have another question," Eist said. "Why was the ship standing still when we arrived?"</p><p>"Oh," Pavetta uttered, turning her focus to Eist. "Well, I told Duny to stop after I noticed we weren't travelling north, like we had originally planned, but south. Actually, I wanted him to turn around and bring me back, but —"</p><p>"Hang on," Calanthe interrupted her daughter, "'noticed' how?"</p><p>Pavetta looked at her mother, before her gaze locked on Eist. "I looked up, at the night sky" she said, and Calanthe saw Eist's eyes begin to shine with understanding and... pride. "And," the girl said with a meaningful pause, "the North Star wasn't where it was supposed to be."</p><p>Calanthe watched both their expressions, and while she did not know what shared experience connected them in this moment, she could make a vague guess — leave it to Eist to teach an inquisitive girl all about nautics, and for her to not only listen but remember it.</p><p>"Once I realised that," Pavetta continued, "I sort of put two and two together. I wanted to go back, but they wouldn't let me. So I climbed on the railing and told them to turn the ship around or I would jump. It didn't make them turn around, but it did force them to stop."</p><p>Calanthe tried to swallow down the initial feeling of dread at the thought of how her daughter had put herself in danger, how she had used her own life to make a bargain. She swallowed it all down because she knew Pavetta was safe now, and because it was exactly what she would have done in that situation — use anything to win the upper hand.</p><p>"My brave girl," Calanthe said quietly, and she could feel a burning behind her eyes. "My brave, clever girl. You did good, Pavetta."</p><p>The girl beamed at her through her own tears, before her expression slipped into something more serious."Duny said Cintra had fallen, but when I saw you I knew it couldn't be true —" she shook her head before she rested it against Calanthe's shoulder, "— you would never let that happen."</p><p>Calanthe and Eist shared a quick glance, and she could see her own unease reflected on his face. His eyes flickered to Pavetta and he knew he was inclined to tell the girl the truth. She pointedly shook her head when she caught his eyes, and he frowned. Calanthe knew dishonesty and secrets didn't sit well with him — but she didn't want to needlessly worry her daughter now, not when she'd already been through so much and their future was so uncertain.</p><p>She quickly stood up, drawing both Pavetta's and Eist's attention to her.</p><p>"Eist — a word, please."</p><p>Calanthe turned and left the tent, making her way over to the other end of the ship and out of earshot.</p><p>"There's no point in trying to keep this from her," Eist said once he'd caught up with her, "she's going to find out sooner or later."</p><p>"Maybe she won't have to," she shot back. "We don't know what's waiting for us in Cintra, so why does she have to agitate herself over something that is only one possibility?"</p><p>"And what are you going to tell her when we arrive in Cintra and —"</p><p>He stopped abruptly, but she knew what he'd wanted to say.</p><p>"Nothing," she replied, "because I'm not taking her back to Cintra. She's going to stay with you on your ship and I'll go back myself. If I don't return within an hour, you bring her to the Isles with you."</p><p>"Yeah, that's a terrible plan, and we're not doing that."</p><p>She narrowed her eyes at him, her hands digging into her hips, but her returned her glare just as stubbornly, and she thought she could see a hint of anger, too.</p><p>"It's bad enough I left my kingdom to whichever fate, but I did it for my daughter so I can bear it. But I'm not going to throw all that away just to put her into harm's way again."</p><p>"I agree," he responded, "so I say we go back to Skellige, all three of us and strategize from there —"</p><p>"No, I need to find out what happened to my kingdom."</p><p> "— <em>or</em> we return to Cintra, together, you and me both."</p><p>She huffed.</p><p>"Well that's just plain foolish. Heroic, but foolish."</p><p>"Heroism has nothing to do with it," he muttered, quietly, but she passed right over it.</p><p>"If my kingdom has fallen, there is no more use for me." He opened his mouth, but she ignored that too. "Your people on the other hand rely on you, <em>and </em>my daughter needs someone to look out for her if something were to happen to me."</p><p>"Don't you think she'd rather have that person be you?"</p><p>"I'm not asking her to make that choice —"</p><p>"<em>But she's already made it</em>." He didn't raise his voice, if anything he even lowered it and there was a new intensity in it now that took her by surprise. "That kid just wrecked an entire ship and sank her boyfriend to save you. You cannot make that choice for her and expect her to simply follow it just because that's what you want when she so clearly cares about you and would give anything to protect you."</p><p>Calanthe shifted her weight from one foot to the other, almost subconsciously relieving some of the tension as she threw a quick glance around, suddenly very much aware of their surroundings; they had probably managed to keep their voices low, but their body language didn't leave much room for interpretation.</p><p>She took a moment to compose herself before she carefully turned her focus back on Eist.</p><p>"Are we still talking about Pavetta?" <em>— or you</em>, the unspoken part hanging in the air between them.</p><p>He blinked, and her throat tightened at the way he couldn't hold her gaze for long. He let it drift over the night sky instead, where the first signs of dawn began to break through the darkness.</p><p>"I understand why you have to go back to Cintra," he finally said, "but I cannot let you go alone."</p><p>She squinted her eyes at him. Of course she had to be married to the one person more bull-headed than she was, who would argue his case and stand his ground with the persistence and steadfastness of a mountain, and she could never even rage at him for it because his good heart and good intentions were so damn clear that even she knew her own fury could not coax him into getting down on her level, to fire back with the same sharpness. It was infuriating, really.</p><p>"Fine," she growled. "I'm not going alone. But I'm going, one way or another."</p>
<hr/><p>Dawn came in form of a bright orange streak across the horizon, weaving seamlessly into the dark blue sky above through a transition of colors and light while their ship made its way upstream towards the city of Cintra.</p><p>Eist had proposed that they bypassed the harbor and sail inland over the Yaruga. That way, they could come close to the city walls without leaving their means of travel behind, allowing a fast retreat if the situation called for it. Calanthe had agreed, reluctantly. She didn't like the thought of abandoning her city to save her own skin like a coward, but Eist had argued that dying like a fool suited her even less ('being a fool and playing the hero is my part, remember' he had told her when he'd seen her initial aversion to the plan, and it had even coaxed a smile out of her).</p><p>It wasn't a terrible plan, she thought as the outlines of Cintra's city walls appeared out of the flimsy clouds of haze, the battlements sticking out like the lower teeth of a skull. She could feel the atmosphere on the ship change as it neared the city, gliding over the water silently.</p><p>They still hadn't told Pavetta about the battle, about them leaving Cintra to an unknown fate to pursuit her journey south. Calanthe wondered how they would break it to the girl that her home was lost when they reversed the course of the ship, leaving Cintra behind for now. Not for good, only for now, Calanthe told herself, because damn her if she didn't rally an army and win back her throne. She hadn't fought over two decades for this kingdom only to lose it to bloody Nilfgaard.</p><p>She was Queen Calanthe of Cintra, the Lioness — if she fled and let her kingdom burn, she'd be neither. She'd be nothing. It was the truth, and no empty words could change that, not even from Eist.</p><p>She turned her head and realised he was standing a few steps away as if he'd been ready to approach her. There were creases between his brows, studying her own expression and once again she felt like he knew exactly what she was thinking, and didn't like it.</p><p>The shadows of the high towers fell over the ship, and they all instinctively looked up. There were no sounds coming from the fortress, no screams, no rattling of blades. It was dead silent, like any other morning at dawn, or —</p><p> </p><p>Calanthe stepped off the boat, her feet sinking into the muddy riverbank as she made her way through the reeds. She could hear the splash of water behind her and knew Eist and a small number of his men followed her. The others remained on the ship. She had told Pavetta to stay put as well, the girl had opened her mouth to argue, finally catching up on the strangeness of the situation but one look from her mother and she'd bit her lip. Not because she was scared of her anger, Calanthe was certain, but because the worried expression in her eyes had startled her.</p><p>The hidden gate sprang open easily when Calanthe found the right spot that opened the lock, and together they made their way through the tunnel. This time she had no torch to light the way, and each step was taken warily. Her hand trailed against the rough surface of the wall, for her own orientation. Her father had made her walk the tunnels a number of times, making sure that his daughter would find her way in and out of the castle if she needed to, and she had proudly proclaimed that she could do so with her eyes closed — today was the time to prove it.</p><p>In the dark, the sounds from around her grew more prominent, and she listened carefully to each step bouncing off the tunnel walls, every rustling of fabric, her own heartbeat drumming in her ears.</p><p>Then, she heard something new.</p><p>It was quiet at first, so far away that it was hard to make out, but the further they went and the closer they got to the source of the sound, the clearer she could hear...</p><p>...the voices, the drums, the lute.</p><p>"Is that —?"</p><p>They had rounded a corner and the flickering light of the torches hanging off the cellar walls fell through the crack of the door. And now she could hear the melody, too.</p><p>"Oh mother of —" Calanthe let her eyes roll heavenwards briefly, but then she caught Eist's gaze, and in the flickering, orange light she could see his mouth break into a grin so relieved that she couldn't help her own brief smile.</p><p>"I think your ballad has been extended by yet another verse," he quipped, and her groan echoed in the hollow space.</p><p> </p><p>They followed the sound of voices, and Calanthe noted faintly that they were leaving muddy footprints along the corridors as they made their way to the grand hall.</p><p>Once they arrived at the wooden doors, Calanthe hesitated for a moment, and she realised a childish, ridiculous part of her was afraid to open the doors and find out that all this has been a trick, that Nilfgaard had won after all and her city had fallen. Eist must have noticed her hesitation, because he reached out for her, and after a quick nod from her, he pushed the wings open.</p><p>The room fell quiet almost the moment they stepped over the threshold, all eyes turning to them. Then they heard a shout.</p><p>"Uncle!"</p><p>A tall, red-haired boy hollered when he caught sight of them, pushing his way through the crowd with a wide grin on his face, and just like that the surprised silence inside the hall dissolved and people began to chatter and cheer and laugh again, and somewhere she could hear a lute playing.</p><p>"What happened to you!" Eist's nephew exclaimed when he reached them, "you look like you've been dragged through seven hells and back!" His bushy eyebrows raised as he let his eyes roam over the newly arrived, clearly enjoying himself.</p><p>It had been a while since Calanthe had seen herself in a mirror, but she had no doubt that the boy was right. If she looked anything like she felt, that was truly an awful sight to behold.</p><p>"What happened here is the question I'm more interested in," Eist countered.</p><p>"Come on and I'll tell you," the boy announced. "We've all but been waiting for you. We wanted to start properly celebrating earlier but Danek told us that it wasn't appropriate to celebrate while the royal family was still absent. What a killjoy," he laughed. "I told him you'd all be fine."</p><p>Calanthe threw Eist an incredulous look and he grinned.</p><p>That was how they found themselves sitting at a table with food and beer while they were brought up to speed with the occurrence of events since their departure. Cintra had been able to hold the fort for a while after they had left, mostly thanks to Mousesack, whose magic had prevented Nilfgaard from breaking through the bars of the culvert at the west wall immediately. Their fighters on the walls had maintained their positions with discipline, even when Nilfgaard's army pushed against the walls like a swarm of black rats, letting arrows rain down on them. Then, things had changed. Sir Gerbold had fallen when the southern gate had been breached, and he had stood his ground against the swarm of soldiers.</p><p>The news were followed by a silence, and Calanthe made a quiet note to herself to make sure he would receive a proper burial.</p><p>The fall of the southern gate had been the moment when things were beginning to look really awry, Danek told them. The supply of arrows had begun to run low, and Mousesack's effort at the west side of the wall had been waning with the storm of soldiers trying to break through. Danek, who had taken to the position of commander after Sir Gerbold's death, had rallied all men that were still standing to defend the main gate when they had heard a commotion, and the consistent assault on the gates had ebbed off. Just in time before the city had been seized, the warriors from Skellige had arrived, and Nilfgaard's army had found themselves charged from two sides and in the end, surrounded and crushed.</p><p>Crach an Craite couldn't refrain himself from describing the entire journey from Mousesack's message to the charge on Nilfgaard's army in detail. The audience seemed to enjoy his adventurous telling, but Calanthe was beginning to tune out, and she only took notice again when she heard Danek's deep voice mentioned Nilfgaard's initial invasion of Cintran land.</p><p>"— and now we know why we did not know of Nilfgaard crossing our borders in time." Calanthe's ears pearked up at Danek's words, and she looked at the man across from her. "Turns out," he continued, "that Nilfgaard has made a deal with Nazair, to let them pass through without a fight. It also seems like someone with influence from Nazair has bribed some of our guards positioned at the Marnadal, and when the time came, there was no one to ring alarm and send word of the invasion.</p><p>
  <em>Someone with influence... and money.</em>
</p><p>Her eyes flickered a few seats further down the table and found Eist watching her, and from the expression on his face she knew he had already arrived at the same conclusion as she.</p><p>"That someone wouldn't be the merchant Dariel Harman of Neunreuth, by any chance?" Eist turned to Danek. The broad-shouldered man nodded, and Eist smiled grimly.</p><p>"He told me I would regret not giving in to his demands," he recalled.</p><p>"Oh, he'll be the one doing the regretting," Calanthe growled through gritted teeth, her voice dangerously low. "He can bet his life on it. Son of a b— "</p><p>In that moment, Pavetta arrived at their table, dressed in clean clothes. There was some shifting so she could find a spot on the bench, and she took a seat next to the druid.</p><p>Calanthe didn't know how long they remained in the hall, but she could watch the sun climb up the sky as morning turned into noon, and she could feel the exhaustion beginning to overwhelm her. She let her eyes travel along the table.</p><p>Eist seemed to hold up better than her, talking to Llewellyn who was sitting next to him, but she noticed the dark circles under his eyes.</p><p>Pavetta was tired, too, her head leaning against the druid's shoulder, and Calanthe saw her eyelids flutter closed from time to time. Calanthe got up after a while and stepped to her daughter's side, leaning forward so she could quietly ask her if she wanted to go to bed.</p><p>The girl shook her head, "Not yet."</p><p>"Okay," she murmured.</p><p>Calanthe turned her attention to the druid then.</p><p>"Thank you," she said sincerely, "for helping me find my daughter, and protecting this city. I won't ever forget it."</p><p>The druid merely shook his head. "I was glad to be of service."</p><p>Calanthe paused, a thought suddenly going through her head, both unexpected and obvious.</p><p>"Would you be interested to be of service some more?" she inquired.</p><p>"Your majesty?"</p><p>"I'm offering you a position," she said matter-of-factly. "I have a debt to you now, and I don't like unpaid debts, so I want to offer you a position in this castle not just as ambassador, but as our druid and sorcerer. I have come to realise that having someone with higher knowledge on your side can prove quite useful, and it would be my honor to take you into Cintran service."</p><p>The druid held her gaze for a long time, and she had half a mind of withdrawing her proposition just for this dramatic pause alone, but then he finally nodded.</p><p>"The honor would be mine."</p><p>"Wondeful," Calanthe said. "That's settled then."</p><p>Now that she was standing, she decided it was time for her to finally clean up and eventually lie down as well, maybe even get some sleep. Eist's eyes followed her when she left the hall, shooting her a soft smile that she returned in kind.</p>
<hr/><p>Calanthe spent nearly three hours in the tub, rinsing all the blood and sweat and dirt from her body, while her handmaiden began untangling her braid, disheveled and dry from the wind and the saltwater. Only after her skin was clean and her hair brushed did she step out of the tub again, despite the fact that the bathwater had gone cool over an hour ago.</p><p>Her handmaiden changed her bandage, too, but the cuts on her arm barely bothered her. Before she hadn't paid them any mind, too worried about the safety of her daughter, and her kingdom. Now, she was simply too tired.</p><p>When she was dressed again she didn't go straight to her own bed, however. Instead, she found herself outside of his chambers, wondering if he had retired as well. And even if he hadn't, for reasons that she couldn't (or wouldn't) explain, the thought of lying down in his bed seemed much more appealing to her right now. He probably wouldn't mind anyway, she told herself.</p><p>The room was only dimly lit when she entered it, the curtains pulled shut to keep the midday sun out. Eist was lying on his back on the bed, still in everyday clothes, albeit fresh ones. It was obvious he had merely meant to take a nap, not enough to change into his nightwear, yet. He looked up when she stepped inside, first raising his head, then pushing himself fully up into a sitting position.</p><p>The mattress dipped under her when she sat down at the foot of the bed, pulling her legs up and leaned back against the bedpost, facing him. He looked back at her, and for a moment neither of them spoke a word.</p><p>"What a day, huh?" he finally said, and, because she was tired, and exhausted, and because it was the understatement of the year, she laughed.</p><p>His smile widened and his eyes roamed over her face, simply drinking her in until her bruised body hurt from laughing and she had no more breath left.</p><p>"I've finally lifted the secret," he said suddenly and she raised her brows at his vague proclamation. "Why you didn't want Mousesack in Cintra in the first place, and why you didn't want Pavetta to spend time with him — you were worried it could stir something in her."</p><p>She bit her lip. "Yes. Does that make me a terrible mother?"</p><p>"It makes you human, perfectly imperfect."</p><p>She snorted at his old-wives'-wisdom and leaned further back against the bedpost.</p><p>"I decided to push off Pavetta's engagement for another few years," she finally told him. The thought had rolled around in her mind ever since they'd begun their journey back, but she had been hesitant to bring it up with other people around. He needed to know first.</p><p>Eist looked up, studying her closely but said nothing, so she continued.</p><p>"I think she needs to spend some time with my mother, learn how to control and use her magic, make it her own. I cannot give her that. And besides, who decided girls have to marry so early anyway. I only got married at seventeen and I turned out just fine."</p><p>He hummed, but gave no indication that he knew where she was going with this, his face giving away nothing, and she had to press on.</p><p>"It also means I'll stay queen for a while longer," she said carefully, watching his reaction.</p><p>He returned her gaze, and he seemed to contemplate something, before he shook his head, so briefly it was barely noticeable.</p><p>"You can just say it, you know," he said eventually, quietly.</p><p>"And you could stop playing dim," she shot back.</p><p>She had hoped he would give her an answer to what she was asking without her having to actually ask. He was always so perceptive, but it seemed like this time he was not going to make this easy for her.</p><p>Her lips pressed together tightly. She commanded, demanded, manipulated people into saying what she wanted to hear — anything to hold all the cards. But asking for something, giving someone a glimpse of yourself and something you truly wished for and handing them the power to grant or deny it? Who would willingly put themselves through the terrifying prospect of being so vulnerable?</p><p>But Eist, who listened and watched and understood, finally let his face soften and he moved forward to reach out and brush strands of hair out of her face, gently tugging them behind her ears.</p><p>"This is no dare — " even his voice was gentle, "— if you want me, you have me."</p><p>"Stay married to me?" she asked, letting the words tumble out before her courage would fail her or her pride would stop her.</p><p>"Yes," he said. "For however long you want me to, yes."</p><p>She closed her eyes, a weak attempt to hide the relief washing over her, reveling in the sensation of it and the sensation of his thumbs brushing along her cheekbones, too.</p><p>"There's just one more thing," she heard him say and she pulled back with a frown. "One request."</p><p>He looked more serious now, and something in her chest tightened. Of course there was a twist to it, of course —</p><p>"I know my feelings, Calanthe, and I'm done running from them. I love you —" Her breath caught in her chest as he said those words like it was the simplest thing in the world "— and I no longer want to pretend like I don't, never been good at that anyway. I don't want to pressure you to say you feel the same way, or to make your decision now. All I'm asking is that, if there is any chance, any chance at all that —"</p><p>Her hands curled into the front of his shirt as she pulled him towards her and kissed him, hard, giving him both an answer and shutting him up at the same time, which worked just fine for her — she had a score to even after all.</p><p>Eist barely needed a moment to get over his surprise before he reciprocated in kind, kissing her back with the same fervor, until she parted her lips for him and their movements slowed down, and his tongue brushed hers — not to consume, but to savor her.</p><p>They only broke apart to catch their breaths, but he didn't pull away from her, instead pressing his forehead against hers, and when she raised her gaze and locked it with his, she saw the twinkling in his eyes that made her feel warm and oddly satisfied.</p><p>"Was that a yes?" he asked.</p><p>"It's a <em>'I'll think about it and don't push your luck'</em>," she replied but couldn't hide the smile tugging on the corners of her mouth.</p><p>"Good enough for me," he grinned and she let out a yelp when he let himself fall back on the bed and pulled her with him. She toppled half onto him and he wrapped his arm around her, running his hands through her hair and sending shivers through her when his nails grazed her scalp.</p><p>She buried her face into the soft spot where his shoulder met his chest, feeling the rise and fall against her cheek with each breath he took, lulling her steadily further into drowsiness. Somewhere, muffled and far away, she could still hear the sounds of the celebration.</p><p>"I wasn't sure if Janna would be able to get rid of all the dirt and tangles," she murmured. "Figured she'd tell me I'd have to cut my hair short. Imagine that. That would have looked —"</p><p>"— still beautiful."</p><p>"You're just saying that because you love me, Eist Tuirseach." Her voice, muffled against the crook of his shoulder, was too thick to sound as teasing as she'd intended, and with the feeling of his chest shaking with silent laughter against her, she fell asleep.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>as you may have noticed, I have updated the chapter information, so if this was a book, we've reached the last few pages of the story, and there's one more page left to turn</p><p>at this point i also have to say thank you:💗 this is for everyone who has taken their time to say nice things, not just for the validation (which we all crave, ya), but to help me not become too self-conscious and abandon ship halfway through this story; i see you and love u for it!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. Epilogue</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>1 year later</strong>
</p><p>A soft breeze welcomes her when she opens the doors and steps out onto the balcony, the wind playing around the fabrics of her morning robe and making them flutter. It's still early in the morning, but the air feels warm and smells of summer, filled with the sweet scent of flowers and cut grass and freshly baked bread.</p><p>Somewhere, she could hear children shriek and laugh, and it makes her feel a kind of nostalgia, both happy and sad. She lets her eyes wander, enjoying the sight of the gardens below, trees and flowers and bushes now in full bloom, a vibrant composition of colours. Inevitably, her eyes drift to the place next to the fountain, to the white bench that stood empty now.</p><p>Pavetta's letter, the one that had arrived a few days ago, was still lying on her nightstand — open, the words so full of excitement they seemed to bubble off the page. Calanthe had read over it a couple of times, and each time, her smile had widened a little bit more.</p><p>Her daughter wrote to her often, telling her all about her school and her grandmother, the things she's learned and the girls she's met. It was like watching a flower bloom, not unlike those in Cintra's gardens, opening wide to soak in the light and the sun.</p><p>This letter was a bit different from the others. Calanthe's finger had trailed over the postscript at the end of the page, before realising what she was doing. Pavetta was coming home soon. Not forever, only for a few days before returning to Thanedd Isle, but Calanthe's chest had filled with joy nevertheless. She's made sure to encourage the girl to concentrate on herself, to not feel like she needed to come to Cintra just for her mother's sake - but she missed her.</p><p>Misses her.</p><p>Somebody should have warned her, she thinks, that the hard part was not raising a child, but letting it go.</p><p> </p><p>She hears the footsteps and hums when two arms slide around her from behind. His beard scratches against her skin as she leans back into him and closes her eyes, letting herself enjoy the ripples of heat running through her body when he finds the sweet spot behind her ear, pressing a gentle kiss there.</p><p>And here was another person she hadn't expected to miss. Eist had returned from the Isles only yesterday, after being gone for nearly two weeks, and she's had to actively tell herself <em>not</em> to count down the days, or worse, to go down to the docks and look for his ship because she was <em>not</em> some sad little wife waiting at home for her husband to return.</p><p>So she definitely did not know that he'd returned on the tenth day after his departure, four days earlier than she would have expected him, and she hadn't been surprised to see his face — his eyes twinkling so much when they had landed on her that it had made her flush.</p><p>Turns out, he had missed her, too; enough to cut his trip short anyway.</p><p> </p><p>"Come back to bed," he murmurs, so close to her ear she can feel the warm puffs of air on her skin, sending a tingling through her.</p><p>"You know," she says slowly, trying (and failing) to let her voice sound unaffected by his touch, "some of us have a council meeting at noon."</p><p>She does have to get ready, and the last thing she should be doing is encouraging him, she knows. And yet she raises her hand and reaches behind herself, finding the locks of hair at the nape of his neck, burying her fingers in them.</p><p>Eist picks up on the discrepancy immediately.</p><p>"Skip it," he prompts her.</p><p>His mouth brushes over her shoulder, nipping slightly at the tender skin of her neck and she instinctively tilts her head to give him better access. She's tempted — like, really tempted to follow his request.</p><p>"Attend it," she counters instead, never one to back down. (In this moment, the only thing that needed to back down was the flush rising up her chest.) She hopes he doesn't notice the way she discreetly clears her throat, forcing the queenly steel back into her voice. "I should let you know that the council members have been enquiring about you. They expect you to perform your royal duties more seriously when you're here."</p><p>"Trust me —" Calanthe practically hears him grin, "— I take my duty to perform <em>very</em> seriously."</p><p>She can't help but snort, ducking her head in an attempt to hide her face but she knows he's heard her anyway.</p><p>His arms tighten around her, holding her closer, and not for the first time she wonders how it never makes her feel trapped, how she instinctively melts into it, not stiffen. She covers his hands with her own, and — with tender simplicity— he interlaces their fingers, before pressing a lingering kiss to her temple that makes her eyelids flutter.</p><p>He opens her, she realises that now, with honest words and patient hands and gentle eyes, layer by layer, not peeling them away or stripping her bare — no, never that. She opens for him because she seeks out his warmth, and his light, like a flower blooming for the sun.</p><p>It's the truth, and yet a part inside of her cannot help but laugh in disbelief. Who would have thought that such tender words could spill from a mind so violent.</p><p>She shakes her head slightly, feels the stubble of his beard scratch against her temple, and the roughness should feel more familiar.</p><p>"You're inconvenient, Eist Tuirseach," she whispers.</p><p>Calanthe feels him pull back slightly to get a better look at her, no doubt trying to decipher what she means, but she keeps her face turned straight ahead. This time, she has to say it herself.</p><p>And he waits, ever so patiently, until she's ready.</p><p>"I never needed anybody," she finally confesses to him. "As long as I had me, I was enough. I can carry the crown, its legacy; my kingdom, the responsibility that comes with it and the failures. I can carry the weight because I must, and I married you because it was the right thing to do, as queen. But now," she stops, and taking a breath feels like a forceful grip around her ribcage, squeezing the air from her like one would squeeze juice from a lemon. Her chest trembles under the effort. "Now I have feelings, and I don't know what to do with them."</p><p>The words hang in the air between them with diffuse uncertainty.</p><p>Then, with slow and careful motions, Eist spreads his palms over her waist and turns her around, bringing her to face him at last. One hand stays on her side, while he places the other beneath her chin, tipping it up gently.</p><p>She raises her eyes to his and is met with such unbridled affection it almost takes her off-guard. His thumb grazes her chin, and his voice is steady and sure.</p><p>"Don't worry about them, I'll hold them for you."</p><p> </p><p>She kisses him. Rising up on her tiptoes and using her own hand to pull him down; she kisses him — if only to hide the dampness in her eyes, or the emotion welling up in her that she has no words for.</p><p>His lips brush over her cheeks, too, maybe tasting the saltiness on them, before wrapping his arms around her more firmly while her own slide around his shoulders, burying her face in the soft fabrics of his collar.</p><p>"Tell me this isn't better than being married just for convenience," she hears him murmur, and she shrugs, glad he can't see her face and the way her lips twitch with the trace of a smile.  </p><p>"Maybe."</p><p>"<em>'Maybe'</em>," he repeats, wryly, and his laugh is warm against her skin.</p><p> </p><p>He steps out of her embrace eventually, but leans in one more time to kiss her softly. His fingers brush hers when he lets go of her hand and she watches him until he disappears back inside, before turning around towards the wide open horizon.</p><p>Coming faintly from the streets below, she can still hear the wild shouts of children playing, the sounds of birds chirping and the babbling of the fountain. A breeze carries the sweet smells of fresh bread and pastries, and the sun prickles warmly on her skin. And somewhere, there is something new, so quiet it gets almost drowned out by everything else. She breathes, and something is different.</p><p>She closes her eyes.</p><p> </p><p>Her chest rises and falls — with ease, with levity. And suddenly, she knows that this is what happiness feels like.</p><p> </p><p><em>Yes</em>, she thinks, <em>this was better. Much, much better</em>.  </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>and it is finished, elhamdülillah 🦋 </p><p>THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART FOR STICKING WITH ME, it has been a lot of fun for me and I hope you enjoyed it a little bit, too! if you did like it, and you have some time to spare, toss a comment to your ... 🎶 you know</p><p>also, this is not canon compliant, nobody dies (unless of old age), Cintra doesn't fall and everybody lives happily ever after, this is my story and I have spoken it into existence now, et voilà! Take care everyone!!</p>
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